New Owner: The Autumn Wind is a pirate

Two years ago we welcomed Dave and Donny into Maize and Blue and they’ve since gone on to rack up three winning seasons, three playoff appearances, one overall regular season title, a Toilet Bowl II win, and injected some enthusiasm into the league. Now, we have another new owner coming aboard, as Chris’ friend Aaron will be coming aboard in the 2019 MnB season as the newly dubbed The Autumn Wind.

So far we know that Aaron is a fan of poetry — his first message to MnB was a link to Steve Sabol’s epic — and that he’s clearly got an eye toward history. He's a botanist by trade and an avid big game hunter -- what is he hunting?! With his beloved Raiders headed to Las Vegas next season, Aaron could be looking to take a title home to Oakland right away. We’ll see how fast he can turn around a franchise that has gone 97-94-4 since 2004.

There’s some talent on the inherited team, but the group of Dak Prescott, Todd Gurley, Dalvin Cook, Larry Fitzgerald, and Calvin Ridley were not quite good enough for a winning record last season. Can Aaron pilot these guys to a title in year one of he reign? There’s already a big decision at stake as the outgoing management moved The Autumn Wind's 2019 RD1 and Joe Mixon for the 2019 1.1 overall pick. Who will Aaron take? Is there a Darrius Heyward-Bey type out there this year?!

We wish TAW the best of luck and hope this franchise can achieve the highest heights. And um, take good care of my team for me...

Since entering the league in 2012, when they replaced defending champion Cougar, Hungry Hungry Ouroboros has compiled a 36-55 (39.5%) record and recorded only one winning season and one lone playoff appearance. They started off their first five seasons by notching only four or five wins before a better 2017-18 period when they went 0.500. That's, um, not great.

Still, there were highlights. An upset-filled run to the Super Bowl in 2017, which resulted in a giant Super Bowl XIII collapse to Sweep the Leg Zabka...ouch. And there was a 2012 Toilet Bowl II win, plus a runner up showing in Toilet Bowl IV which well, meant nothing. Sigh.

Although on the field success has been rare, off the field GM Jon has never been afraid to trade. They entered the league by moving Drew Brees away rather quickly and blew up the championship core they inherited. In seven years they've put up twent-plus trades. Some of them were major, such as three trades either up or down from the 1.1 position — 2015 up for Todd Gurley, 2017 down from Leonard Fournette, and up again in 2019. Perhaps this will be the Ouroboros' legacy, shuffling lawn chairs on the Titanic...

New Owners: Monsters Manual

There haven’t been a lot of turnover in Maize and Blue, as membership has stayed mostly steady over the years. Alan came abroad in 2014, defending champion Hong in 2013 (initially in a co-ownership role), Jon in 2012, and before that Porta in 2011. Back then, this very blog posited some expansion possibilities — really just a transparent ploy by me to get in — because it was such a long wait to crash into Maize and Blue. But this year, with just a few hours to go before the scheduled keeper declaration, we had not one but two owners drop out, citing personal reasons and a desire for more family time — or was it CTE studies and a spate of early NFL retirements also contributing to the cause?!

While we’re sad to see two original owners go in Ariel (Detroit Players) and Reno (Original Salt), we’re excited for some new blood to enter the fray. Yes, Dave and Donny are Michigan State folk but hey, until we have a battle royale for naming rights, this league still wears maize, and um, more maize. At least everyone is a Lions supporter right, right?! Haha, Lions...

Both Dave and Donny are serious fantasy veterans and came with Alan’s stamp of approval — with thankfully no GIFs — and from what I can gather, will be seriously competitors immediately. Dave will be taking over for a Players franchise that has gone 28-22-2 in the last four years, with three playoff appearances during that same span. They even boast the only the only back-to-back titles in modern MnB history, with 2007-08 being their repeat years. A few years ago we made a case that Detroit Players could be considered one of the greatest MnB franchises based on that fact alone, so that's a nice pedigree. Later on, we’ll delve into the team that Dave inherited, but it’s clear that there’s a strong tradition of winning to uphold here. Welcome Stink Pink Gators!

On the other end of the spectrum, the Original Salt franchise (formerly Rhythm Drive) has been a little less successful. A combined five year record of 21-44, a history of in-season mismanagement, and a fan base that has been screaming for a change at the top. After being one of the stronger teams in MnB’s early history, Original Salt really fell off the tracks after 2011. Then again, they did win an astonishing title in 2014, in an upset playoff run that shocked the nation and gave hope to every underdog forever. That 6-7 team snuck into the playoffs and then proceeded to show MnB what a focused — and slightly lucky — Salt franchise was capable of. With new owner Donny exuding confidence and experience, we foresee a quick rebuild and a return to glory for Team Grrrrific — that’s four “R’s” to engrave onto a future trophy, if you please.

The nice thing about having two owners enter together is that there’s a built-in rivalry. Stink Pink Gators and Team Grrrrific will always be mentioned together, like Biggie and Tupac, Magic and Bird, Peyton Manning and Ryan Leaf. (Oops on that last one, whom Dave admitted to selecting over Manning during their rookie season.) Beyond that, Dave and Donny have been playing fantasy football together — with Alan — since the mid/late Nineties. Well placed sources say that Donny has tended to get the better of Dave during their extensive history, but Donny’s champioship breakthrough came in 2012, after sixteen long years of fantasy playing. Of course, if we’re counting XFL championships, then Dave is the reigning king, with a 2001 XFL title behind MVP Tommy Maddox! Let's see if our new D&D duo can reign atop Maize and Blue and take us one step closer to ultimate doom: "Spartan teams are never beaten, all through the game they fight; fight for the only colors, green and white." Somebody go squat on greenandwhiteleague.com right now...

Pre-Draft Moves, and New Owner

Let’s welcome a new owner to the league, Alan! He’s taking over from the moribund Ann Arbor Bamfers franchise, who have been the worst team in Maize and Blue over the last decade. [Edit: Actually Alan is replacing WS Tartars!] The newly rebranded Sweep The Leg Zabka will look to turn things around quickly. The only thing we know about Alan is that he’s young, he’s hungry, he’s a Soliman, and he’s a Michigan State Spartan. Worse than that, he’s got a Comcast email account. Cobra Kai is stuck in the Eighties! Regardless, let’s raise our glasses for Jay’s years of service and give a hearty welcome to new guy Alan!

2014 Pre-Draft Trades:

• #174: Hungry Ouroboros trade 2014 RD3 to Pooh Bears for Ray Rice
• #175: Cameltoe trade 2014 RD1 to Pooh Bears for Doug Martin and Jordan Reed
• #176: P Funk All Stars 2014 RD2 to Pogiboys for DeSean Jackson
• #177: Sweep the Leg Zabkha trade 2017 RD1 and 2018 RD2 to Mandalorian Warriors for Rob Gronkowski and Knowshon Moreno
• #178: Fockers trade 2014 RD10 to Hungry Ouroboros for Antonio Gates
• #179: Sweep the Leg Zabkha trade 2014 RD3 to Squirtle Squad for Rashad Jennings
• #180: Italian Stallionz trade 2014 RD7 to Hungry Ouroboros for Mike Wallace  

Last off-season we saw a ton of pre-draft moves that included the blockbuster involving Matthew Stafford and Demaryius Thomas, as well as Cameltoe's complete rebuild. This off-season, we had quite a few moves also, with many notable names shuffling around. The most signifcant trade was Cameltoe moving their 2014 first rounder to Pooh Bears in exchange for Doug Martin and Jordan Reed. That pick ended up winning the lottery (I think) and gave our defending champions the #1 overall pick for 2014! Yowza! Only time will tell if that was a worthwhile trade, but a part of Felipe must be sad that he won’t be able to grab his choice of rookie.

Pooh Bears wasn’t done either, as they continued to clear spare parts off their championship team. Longtime stalwart Ray Rice was dumped to Hungry Ouroboros for a 2014 third rounder, as the ownership team of Jose and Jayvee decided that they couldn’t put up with Rice’s off-season, well, you know what Rice did. Ouroboros then acquired a pair of low end picks in exchange for Mike Wallace and Antonio Gates, essentially giving away two of his 2013 keepers. P Funk All Stars got into the action by sending a 2014 second rounder to Pogiboys for DeSean Jackson, who had an outstanding season last year, and will now bring his deep speed to a new NFL and fantasy team.

And since new owners love to make a splash, Alan put a stamp on his new team by moving a 2014 RD3, 2017 RD1 and 2018 RD2 to acquire Rob Gronkowski, Knowshon Moreno, and Rashad Jennings. We’ll take a look at the impact of these new keepers later on, but it’s interesting to note that the last three new owners have all made big splash trades -- Ouroboros moved Drew Brees, Fockers acquired Demaryius Thomas -- before even playing a game. Note: Matt has now firmly established his first mover advantage for hitting up the new owner for trades before they've even had a chance to catch their breath. I remember I got an email from him literally within an hour or two of taking over Ouroboros three years ago!

Offseason Moves

Trade ID: #167

• Pogiboys receive Cameltoe 2013 RD1 (1.4), rights to Pogiboys 2013 RD4

• Mandalorian Warriors receive Pogiboys 2013 RD2 (2.11), 2013 RD2, 2015 RD1

Trade ID: #168

• Human Amoebas receive WR Demaryius Thomas, Italian Stallionz 2013 RD1, 2014 RD3

• Italian Stallionz receive QB Matthew Stafford

Trade ID: #169

• Jedi Knights receive WR Steve Smith and TE Jason Witten

• Detroit Players receive Jedi Knights 2014 RD4, 2015 RD1

A few pre-draft trades worth taking a look at. First up, a total doozy as Alvin makes a huge play for this year's draft. After picking number one overall last season -- nabbing Trent Richardson -- Alvin was already set for a big 2013 draft with three first round picks. His own and two others acquired last August for Frank Gore and Larry Fitzgerald (Trade ID#157 and 158). Post-draft lottery, Pogiboys moved to secure the rights to Cameltoe's 2013 RD1, which was under the control of Mandalorian Warriors from their recent deal. The trade gives Alvin a whopping four first round picks this year, as he'll pick third, fourth, ninth, and eleventh. The entire Pogiboy fan base is excited about what this infusion of new talent could do for the team. As for the defending champs, why give up an early first round pick? Could it be that they don't believe much in any of the top rookies? Interesting...

A cautionary note for Pogiboys:

• In 2010 Ann Arbor Bamfers had four selections -- #3, 4, 13, 15 -- and came away with C.J. Spiller, Ben Tate, Golden Tate, and Braylon Edwards.
• In 2011 Detroit Players had three of the first four overall draft picks. They selected Mark Ingram, Ryan Williams, and Daniel Thomas. The #2 pick that year, Julio Jones, was the only one that panned out. Jones was selected by Team Cameltoe.
• In that same draft, P Funk All-Stars had three first round picks also, which were used on A.J. Green, Knowshon Moreno, and Owen Daniels.

Installed as the new head of decision making, Hong had his first major move to orchestrate. With two up-and-coming quarterbacks on the roster, he had to figure out if he wanted to hitch his star to Matthew Stafford or Andrew Luck. Ultimately he went with Luck and while under a mandate to find a franchise running back, he chose to usurp Eric's authority and move for Demaryius Thomas and draft picks instead. Thomas had a breakout season with Peyton Manning at the helm, catching 90+ balls for over 1,400 yards and ten touchdowns. He'll remain a top receiver as long as Manning is playing, and probably beyond that. If fellow Georgia Tech alum Calvin Johnson is Megatron, then the similarly physically gifted Thomas could become Optimus Prime.

As for Stafford, he threw for an astonishing almost 5,000 yards last season, even at the cost of 17 interceptions to 20 touchdowns. Surprisingly, Stafford is only twenty five years old and could still improve. While it was rumored that Stafford was headed to other destinations, it was the Italian Stallionz who charged in with the best offer. We're not sure why Porta needs Stafford and Tom Brady, but perhaps another trade is soon on the way.

In late-breaking news, Jedi Knights swooped in to shore up their keeper roster by moving a few picks for Jason Witten and Steve Smith. Great move! Is anybody else feeling like all of Lum's moves are turning up daisies recently? We should probably rename him King Midas if he keeps this up. Smith's numbers dipped from his resurgent 2012 season but he still caught 70+ passes for 1,170 yards and 4 TDs. That's pretty decent for an old guy. The real get is Jason Witten, who caught 110 balls last year, and while he only scored three touchdowns, a tight end who has gone over 80 receptions in five of his last six seasons is invaluable. This is the kind of pre-draft trade we love to see, as Ariel had extra assets and Lum had room to upgrade his roster. Lovely!

Shoving Into Overdrive

On Saturday August 4th, 12:01 AM EST, the call went out.  "Cougar lost it, turned in his wings. You're number one on the wait list."  After years of patiently biding his time, Jon will finally be joining the ranks of the elite.  How elite?  Only the top 1% of all naval aviators fantasy football owners get to join Maize and Blue.  Millions of fantasy players in this country and only sixteen make the cut.

After a bit of investigative reporting, and a timely electric outage over the greater Michigan area that prevented him from reaching the outside world, it's been revealed that Thundercats' owner Cougar couldn't pay the franchise fee.  Despite winning their first championship in 2011, so much cash was paid out for in-season headhunting prizes -- not the mention the post-season celebratory parades, extravagant catered dinners, and championship belts/rings -- that Cougar was left with no money for the upcoming year.  "It just doesn't pay to win," he said at the formal press conference abdicating his throne.

A Thundercat PR intern (unpaid) then quickly stepped in, "What Cougar meant to say is that we wanted to go out on top.  The Thundercats are a proud franchise that has accumulated a 33-17-2 record since going 5-7-1 in 2007.  We rose from the depths five years ago and accomplished what we set out to do.  Management felt strongly that there were no challenges left ahead of us.  And this won't be a fake retirement, we won't be coming back like Jordan, wearing the 4-5. We're going to retire and stay retired. Like Tiki Barber."

Shuffle off stage right, Cougar and his entourage. A big round of applause for our champs!

And just like that, the new era of Thundercats football began.  Not five minutes into his regime, Jon has already made sweeping changes.  "New cheerleaders, new uniforms, and a new name.  Also, effective immediately, the entire front office is fired.  Including Nate Burleson."

"But Nate Burleson didn't work in the front office."

"I don't care, his contract is non-guaranteed. And he makes shitty coffee."

A bus is scheduled for Friday, August 10th, to pick up Drew Brees, Victor Cruz, Antonio Gates, Brandon Lloyd, and two players to be named later, but nothing else would be going from Michigan to San Diego.

"We want to sever all ties and start fresh," Jon announced.  "We've already secured a ten year lease to play our home games in Shamu Stadium.  Don't worry, we are not displacing the killer whales.  Corky, Kasatka, Ulisses, Orkid, Keet, Nakai, Ikaika and Kalia will be featured in our halftime show. If you don't want to get wet, stay out of the Splash Zone. If you want to be part of a winning tradition, buy your lifetime seat licences now."

Already full of innovative ideas, Owner Jon let General Manager Jon outline one of them. "While most franchises in Maize and Blue only have one authoritarian head coach, we've decided to follow the current trend of uber-specialization in the NFL."

Dramatic pause.

"I'm happy to announce that our defense and special teams will be coached by an expert in these matters, Mr. Kelvin.  He'll definitely be helping out with the dance team too.  If he does good there, by mid-season we hope he'll take charge of our kicking game as well.  We feel that with a bit of extra experience, he'll soon be elevated to the top job at another Maize and Blue franchise."  Defensive/dance coordinator Kelvin was unavailable for comment as he had to sit at home with his newborn baby.

"Thank you to everyone for being so welcoming, we're just wondering who's the best. Chances are, we'll be the answer to our own question," said a confident team representative maybe named Jon. "See you in Miramar, boys!"

Sweep the Leg, Arrivederci!

We bid a fond farewell to the Cobra Kai -- formerly known as Eternia Battle Cats, West Coast StrongLikeBull, Deep Sea Fobbers. After many years in the league, Cobra Kai ownership decided to take a break from the fantasy game and the two-headed managing team of Eric and Eric quietly put their franchise up for sale. While many bids were immediately offered, there was no doubt that commissioner Alvin was looking toward foreign expansion.

Welcome the Italian Stallionz! Hailing from across the Atlantic, new owner Michael has been waiting to get a toehold on American soil for awhile. Despite growing up with the other type of "football," GM Michael has hired the best consultants and talent scouts that threats and coercion can buy. It's rumored that Michael has ties to the mob, which they have conveniently advertised by way of their team name. Subtlety is not their strong suit.

What is strong however, is the core keeper roster left behind by Cobra Kai. Tom Brady is the long time face of the franchise, and has several years left at peak form. 2009 RD3 draft pick Jamaal Charles rushed for almost 1500 yards last year. Plus he caught 45 passes for 450+ yards more, while scoring eight total touchdowns. Charles also sported a gaudy 6.4 yard rushing average. Even without full time work, Charles is a clear threat to lead the league in points this season.

Behind Charles is RB Felix Jones, who is still young and has shown flashes of an effective all around game. Brady's corps of receveivers will feature Percy Harvin, Sidney Rice, and Kenny Britt, these gamebreakers who all have deep speed and ability. With their first draft pick ever, the seventh overall in 2011, GM Michael selected Michigan's own Mario Manningham, another vertical threat. Clearly the Italian Stallionz will be showcasing a boom or bust offensive philosophy.

Under old management, this franchise compiled a 38-53 record -- a 41.8% winning percentage -- over the past seven seasons. If the Stallions can nudge themselves to above 0.500, it'll have been a successful first season. Of course, if they collapse in the standings, some front office folk could find themselves sleeping with the fishes next season.

Is Expansion a Possibility?

With the labor issues over, and the league running a surplus of billions of dollars, rumors are spreading that expansion is a widely discussed topic. "What expansion? I didn't authorize any talks about expansion!" Commissioner Alvin was quoted as saying. However, sources say that underground forces have been working to infiltrate the mighty Maize and Blue league. If sixteen teams is possible, why not eighteen or twenty, or even twenty four?

Alvin's close friend and confidante, NBA commissioner David Stern cautioned against over expansion however, as he's regretted a wave of Nineties expansions that have resulted in professional basketball teams in backwaters like New Orleans and Charlotte. "If only we had just put a franchise at 7 Championship Drive (formerly known as The Wood) back then, our league would not be having financial troubles now. Sigh."

One proposal these insurgents suggest is an A-League and a B-League, similar to how the English football soccer system works. Each year, the lowest teams from the Premier league are relegated to a lower division, while the top teams from that division are promoted up to the Premier league. This would strike fear in the hearts of unmotivated owners and give everyone extra incentive to stay out of the bottom rungs of Maize and Blue.

Better yet. In Bill Simmons' football league, the winner each year gets to boot out one owner. Is that harsh? Yes. Is that hilarious? Yes! Perhaps tournament could be set up where the losers get shunted down a level. Market research suggests such a tournament would increase ratings and revenue for Maize and Blue exponentially.