Toilet Bowl V

#14 Mandalorian Warriors (4-9) def #16 P-Funk All Stars (3-10), 48.5 - 38.5

In the year of our Baby Yoda, it was only fitting that Matt’s Mandalorian Warriors entered their first Toilet Bowl finals and then took next year’s number one overall pick from P Funk. Along the way, they upset Cameltoe and Bamfers, an impressive feat for the fourteenth power ranked team.

It’s been a long road back to respectability for Mandalorian. Since their 2013 title, the Warriors have gone 27-49-2 (0.355) and recent years have produced four, two, and then four wins again. Of course, all of this has been by design, as the Warriors have been busy acquiring multiple early round picks for the 2022 season and on. Without a full tally, we believe they have something like six RD1 in 2022 and then three in 2023.

It wasn’t exactly a stellar Toilet Bowl, but Baker Mayfield and Rex Burkhead led the way for Mandalorian, taking down Adrian Peterson and the Not Quite All Stars. AP is still around? Seriously? For P Funk, coming up empty in their first Toilet Bowl finals is a bit disappointing, but after three straight years of being the lowest ranked team — two wins in 2017, one in 2018, three this year — it has to be at least a bit of joy knowing they were capable of some major upsets along the way.

Congrats to the Warriors and we’re excited to see what the future holds for this team! Let's hope it's brighter than the mid-episodes of the Disney+ show!

Toilet Bowl IV

#4 Italian Stallionz (5-8) def #2 Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (6-7), 110-93
After eliminating top seeded Fockers last week, Italian Stallionz set their sights on another upset in the Toilet Bowl finals and got a tougher matchup this time. Coming from behind, Stallionz really poured it on with Chris Carson and Tyreek Hill late — combined 33 points — to insure the victory as Hungry Hungry Ouroboros failed to sub out an injured Todd Gurley in time. Not that it would have mattered, because Aaron Rodgers’ 42 points gave Stallionz the likely win and then Carson/Hill took it home down the stretch.

It didn’t look good for Stallionz heading into the Toilet Bowl, as they had scored under 55+ in WK12-13, but they righted the ship at just the right time and put up 91.0, 80.5, and then 110.0 points to take the consolation tournament. We noted that Stallionz were lacking a run game all season but then Chris Carson caught fire with 15, 22, and 23 points for the past three weeks, solidifying his chances next year as an important keeper. Add on another (likely) young runner in 2019's draft and Stallionz should hopefully find themselves back in the playoffs. And let’s not forget tight end Chris Herndon, who produced seventeen points in the victory, saving his best effort for the last game of the fantasy season.

So for Porta, this is his first Toilet Bowl win and represents a high point after four years of losing records. Last year’s Toilet Bowl winner, Grrrrific, went on to lead the league in regular season wins, so maybe this consolation win will catapult Stallionz to similar results next season. Congratulazioni Italian Stallionz, and to a bright future ahead! Arrivederci!

As for the losers, Hungry Hungry Ouroboros had a fine chance to win their second Toilet Bowl but even with Joe Mixon inserted for Gurley, no win was going to come. At least that Jaguars defense, one of Ouroboros’ 2018 keepers, came through with 17 big points in a losing effort. Um, good job?

Toilet Bowl III

#5 Team Grrrrific (4-9) vs #7 Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada
Despite some confusion about Toilet Bowl seedings, the right two teams made it to the finals: Donny’s Team Grrrrific and Mike’s Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada. Both teams had pulled off big upsets on the way to the consolation final game, but only one team had some experience here, as Mike’s squad had been to the two previous Toilet Bowl finals as well. In fact, Mike’s teams — previously Shoguns of Harlem — have been to every Toilet Bowl finals in Maize and Blue history! Alas, they haven’t actually won anything yet. Unfortunately for them, this year was no different as they lost to new owner Donny in a pretty one-sided way. (Should the two Toilet Bowl finalists get #1 and #2 overall picks the next year? I say “yes” but that’s a matter for another day…)

As for Team Grrrrific, it’s been a great year for them. After inheriting the worst team (ever?) on paper, Donny worked hard to give his team the veneer of respectability and outdid himself in every way. Breakout rookie and mid-draft trade acquisition Kareem Hunt returned to elite status just in time for the Toilet Bowl run, and Hunt led the way with 18 points for the TB finals. Jamison Crowder, Tyrod Taylor, and Jay Ajayi were also trade acquisitions this year, and combined they were the four highest scoring players for Grrrrific in Toilet Bowl III. Donny literally razed a salty franchise and then rebuilt toward a sweet Toilet Bowl win and the #1 overall pick in next year’s draft. While fellow new owner Dave / Stink Pink Gators may have the gaudy 9-4 record in his rookie year, we’re thrilled about Team Grrrrific’s future heading forward! Great job and congrats to a fantastic first year in Maize and Blue!

• #5 Team Grrrrific (4-9) def #7 Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada, 65 - 37.5

As for Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada, three straight almost-Toilet Bowl wins is nice but with nothing to show for it, they’ll have to rest easy with the thought that at least they’ll have another high pick coming next year — #3 overall — and that this year’s #2 overall, Christian McCaffrey, looks like the real deal. With just five wins in two years, this squad really needs some help to get back to 0.500.

Toilet Bowl II

#14 Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (4-9) vs #16 Shoguns of Harlem (3-10)
In an unexpected romp, Hungry Hungry Ouroboros finally won something in this league, a Toilet Bowl! With two low seeds in the Toilet Bowl Finals, we knew someone in need would emerge with a #1 overall pick — and the second place finisher would get nothing. With another 200+ yard day from Jay Ajayi, and a huge outing by Cameron Meredith, Ouroboros saved their best game of the year for their biggest game of the year, putting up 112 points to defeat Shoguns of Harlem by more than fifty points — and had two players put up zeros to boot. It's been a lost season for Ouroboros, but they had Matt Ryan piloting them the whole way, and now can go home with something in hand. Now they’ll look forward to figuring out with college player to draft next year. Should GM Jon take Gabriel Peppers?!

• #14 Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (4-9) def #16 Shoguns of Harlem (3-10), 112 - 57

Shoguns had been solid all Toilet Bowl playoffs, but they misfired during the finals and only had Alshon Jeffery and Justin Tucker go over double digits by Sunday night, and Matt Stafford wasn’t going to make up 60+ points by himself, so this game was all but decided by MNF. Overall, it was a nice run by Mike’s team, but he’ll have to settle for getting the second overall pick either way, as Shoguns were the lowest seed entering this tournament and the only way to improve their draft position would have been to win the Toilet Bowl. Note: Shoguns were the top seed in last year’s Toilet Bowl, but lost in the finals to 100AW Pooh Bears. So should they hope for a third shot at a consolation win? Or can they make it into the playoffs next year?

Toilet Bowl I

We instituted a whole slew of new rules over the 2015 season, and one of those was the holding of a Toilet Bowl for figuring out the top pick in each year's draft. What seemed like an easy walk in the park, with every top seed advancing past the lower seed, finally flipped in the Toilet Bowl Finals, as Pooh Bears defeated Shoguns of Harlem by a narrow margin. A spirited comeback by Shoguns on MNF fell a little short and it looks like our champs from two years ago will get to pick #1 in the 2016 draft.

• #2 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (6-7) def #1 Shoguns of Harlem (6-7) , 86.0 - 82.5

For Jose and Jayvee, whose team stumbled out of the gates 1-5, but managed to go 5-2 down the stretch, along with this Toilet Bowl win, will hopefully get them back into contention next year. They'll have Cam Newton, Antonio Brown, Brandin Cooks (2014's #1 overall), and David Johnson to lead the way and build upon their top keeper core from last year. In fact, it was Johnson and Cooks who almost single/duo-handedly won the Toilet Bowl themselves, combining for 40.0 points. So, congrats to 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears and we're excited to see who they select next season!

As for Shoguns of Harlem, Mike's team it a good go but their list of walking wounded was just too much to overcome. For the Toilet Bowl championship game, Tony Romo, Alshon Jeffery, Tyler Eifert, Thomas Rawls, and Arian Foster (among others) were all sitting on the bench in various states of disrepair. So taking that into account, making the TB Finals after a 0-4 start was a good accomplishment for their season.

TOILET BOWL RD2

• #1 Shoguns of Harlem (6-7) def #4 Fockers (5-8), 93.0 - 90.0
• #2 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (6-7) def #3 Italian Stallionz (5-8), 180.0 - 57.0

TOILET BOWL RD1

• #1 Shoguns of Harlem (6-7) def #8 P Funk All Stars (2-11) , 66.5 - 56.5
• #2 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (6-7) def #7 Original Salt (3-10), 68.5 - 31.5
• #3 Italian Stallionz (5-8) def #6 Ann Arbor Bamfers (5-8), 89.0 - 74.5
• #4 Fockers (5-8) def #5 Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (5-8), 82.5 - 81.5