Power of Grayskull

Here we go, for our fourth and final early season roundup, a look at the still unrenamed Deez Nuts / Tcats division. We're pretty sure this is the softest division in the league, but that means it's also the most competitive, as all teams are within one game of becoming the leader. Our pre-season look at the four teams' keepers noted how similarly talented each team was, and that has clearly played itself out so far this season. Who will emerge as the leader?

Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (4-4)
Our non-defending champions drastically overhauled their roster over their first off-season. After dropping their latest game on MNF, Jon's team is a middling 0.500, but that's still good enough for first place in a weak division. Matt Ryan has been having a breakout season, as he's averaging only a few less points than the man he replaced, Drew Brees. Both Mike Wallace and Eric Decker -- received in the Brees trade -- are top twenty receivers, and holdover Victor Cruz has proven he's no flash in the pan. What the Ouroboros don't have is a running game. Lead back Darren Sproles is serviceable but an upgrade would be nice. For now, this team will just look to pass their way to the post-season. There's no running back savior on the horizon. Oh wait, maybe there is with Rashad Jennings!

It's high time Heath Miller steps in for Antonio Gates, as the Charger has had only one good game this season. Also, the Ouroboros haven't scored over 100+ in any week  -- although they are steady and are the fifth highest PF team -- nor faced an opponent who has either. That's the definition of middle of the road right? Can the Ouroboros fend off their divisional challengers despite going seven weeks not knowing they had three unfilled roster slots? New owner Jon also committed tried to sneak in two kickers last week, resulting in an illegal roster. Nice!

Team Cameltoe (3-4-1)
A thrilling tie against the Jedi Knights last week has steadied the Cameltoe ship. After starting off 1-3, with some severe poundings -- they averaged only 42 points scored during their losses -- Felipe's team has bounced back strong. Shonn Greene has quietly been decent, putting up 10.5 points per game. He's the lone back in a run and shoot attack featuring Julio Jones, Jeremy Maclin, Jacob Tamme, and um, a rotating cast of cast-offs. Jeremy Kerley anyone? Jones is nearly a top ten receiver but the next best Bamfer WR, Maclin, doesn't appear until number thirty one in the position rankings.

The quarterback throwing all those passes hasn't been overly impressive either. It's been a combination of Jay Cutler with a dash of Mark Sanchez and that has been erratic as it sounds. The good news is that Felipe has the hottest kicker in the game, Lawrence Tynes, wearing his chain and that's worth 12.4 points per game. Overall, Team Cameltoe has been one of the lower scoring teams so far, but lately they have dug deep to grit their way to some wins and is challenging for the division title. We're not sure where this team is headed but if Felipe's faith in his squad has anything to do with it, his Cameltoes are only headed up.

MoRRie's Pogiboys (3-4-1)
Shockingly, WK8 featured two tie games! Behind Josh Freeman, Trent Richardson, and Jonathan Dwyer, the Pogiboys overcame two zero scores to tie Another Bad Creation. That leaves them nipping the heels of the teams above them, and while they haven't surpassed the century mark yet, only five points separates their PF and PA numbers, making each week a true battle. The good stuff: Josh Freeman is the tenth ranked quarterback, and has three straight weeks of 20+ points. And rookie Trent Richardson is more or less the real deal.

Now the bad: The main problem plaguing this team is that Calvin Johnson has been barely outperforming the other receivers on this team -- Danny Amendola, Nate Robinson, Michale Crabtree -- and isn't even averaging double digits. Tight end Aaron Hernandez has also been extremely injury plagued, and there's not a lot of TE help around. Richardson is also running alone, as Mikel Leshoure and Rashard Mendenhall have been non-factors. Despite all this, the Pogiboys are poised to carve out their own destiny this season. If Megatron can step up, Alvin's team will be ready to push hard in a wide open division.

Ann Arbor Bamfers (3-5)
Randy's team started off 0-4 before ripping off three wins recently. Are they ready to rise up or was it all an illusion? Their wins have come against teams that have scored only an average of 50 points. Still, wins are wins! The Bamfers have actually scored significantly more than the two teams ahead of them in the standings so that's a sign of upward mobility soon.

The engine powering this team is the pair of top ten running backs, Frank Gore and CJ Spiller. Spiller hasn't been on the field that much for the Bamfers but he will be now, assuming he stays healthy -- plus Fred Jackson is available. QB Eli Manning has been top ten quality, with the occasional big game, and WR James Jones has been a nice surprise. There's not a lot of depth after that though, as Randy has shuffled around between Anquan Boldin, Titus Young, and Lance Moore to find the right balance of receivers. Tight end Brent Celek started the season off well but has cooled considerably. The Bamfers are definitely better than their 0-4 start but where to now? Can they challenge for a spot in the playoffs? We say "Yes they can!"

The Dudes Abide

Here we go, a look at the Lebowski Achievers division, which features two of the top three teams in the league right now, according to win-loss record and Points For. Since our review of The Wood two weeks ago, the Lebowski Achievers have overtaken the most combined wins for division, sixteen to fifteen. Could they now be the strongest division in the land? Let's find out.

Mandalorian Warriors (6-1)
After seven weeks, we have our front runner. Matt's team is number one in points scored, a dreamy number two in points against -- just two points away from the easiest PA -- and on a four game winning streak that could threaten to extend all the way to the Super Bowl. They've gone over 100+ in three of their last four games, set the record for highest individual game, and worked their way to a roster that is the envy of all. Yes, I've run out of superlatives.

If you want to nitpick, it would be nice if LeSean McCoy broke fifteen points this season,  or if Steven Jackson could push past double digits more than once. Still, with Drew Brees airing it out to semi-recently acquired Roddy White, Jordy Nelson, Brandon Marshall, and Rob Gronkowski, is a ground game even needed? The only thing slowing down the Warriors now is time, as in "When is it time to start the playoffs?"

Dunder Mifflin Paper Company (5-2)
Even though the Warriors are top of the charts, they are followed closely behind by Mike's Paper Company. With a winning streak of three under their belts, the gang from Scranton is only one game out of the top spot. Of course, they've only cracked the century mark once so far this season and their three wins have come against opponents who scored only 59/avg against them.

Still, if you've got Arian Foster you've got enough apparently. Foster has been the best RB by far this season, never dipping below fourteen points and averaging a lovely 18.1 per game. And now Chris Johnson might be back from exile after two good showings, Paper Company might really start to get on a roll. The passing game has a top twenty WR in Dwayne Bowe and free agent Andre Roberts could be the third receiver this team needs. Vernon Davis and Malcolm Floyd have been serviceable but more was probably expected out of both. Fans would love to see an upgrade at quarterback, as Tony Romo is erratic at best.

Overall, Dunder Mifflin Paper Company is clearly going to be fighting hard for playoff contention and if Chris Johnson has truly re-emerged, this is a team on the rise and probably a real threat to the division title. This is still our sleeper pick for best team in the league...

Wayne State Tartars (3-4)
If there was an A for effort, we'd like to give the award out to Jay. He's been working the waiver wire, moving Roddy White for pieces, and overall plugged in fourteen non-DEF/ST players into his lineups. Despite a few lackluster poundings -- scoring only 49, 33, 41 points -- the Tartars are nearly 0.500. Not bad right?

When Carson Palmer and Matt Schaub didn't prove to be the answer, Roddy White was moved out for Ben Roethlisberger (and Santonio Holmes). That will help the bleeding at QB. We like it when owners take swift action. Receivers Torrey Smith and Steve Johnson "lead" this team but they are barely ranked in the top thirty at their positions. And now franchise RB Maurice Jones-Drew is out, possibly for a few weeks, leaving the running attack in the capable hands of Jackie Battle and um, Lamar Miller?

We want to say there are optimistic things ahead for Jay-Z's team, but we see a swift fall to the bottom of the division unless Big Ben can resurrect an entire team. Can you start to rebuild when you're still in mathematical contention?

Detroit Players (2-5)
We don't understand how a team with Robert Griffin III and A.J. Green can be doing so bad. I mean, rookie Griffin is the third best player in all of fantasy! Oh wait, Ariel's team has faced the toughest schedule in the league. The Players' seven opponents have averaged 97.6 points per game against them (plus nobody has put up less than 86 points yet). Ouch. Hard to win games like that right?

The good news is that RG3 is on board! Plus Green is the top ranked receiver with 14.7 points per game, and Hakeem Nicks is rounding into shape while Mike Williams is a fine third receiver. Sadly, Steve Smith is R.I.P., as he's yet to score a TD this season. Kyle Rudolph is a no name but he's been the sixth ranked TE so far this season -- now that he's finally replaced Dennis Pitta.

The major question facing Ariel is who will be manning the running back position. DeMarco Murray is hardly healthy enough to carry the load and desperation plug-ins Vick Ballard and Ryan Williams haven't fared much better. Oh and it's definitely time to give up on the Packers defense, as they're ranked just barely in the top twenty and there are a few free agent defenses better than them right now. It's time to let Charles Woodson go...

Overall, the Players aren't killing themselves, as the hard schedule is what's destroying them, but neither are they able to get enough points on the board to challenge for consistent wins. If Ariel can fill a huge hole at running back, this team could have a chance.

Deep in the Forest

Time to focus on The Woods Division. These four teams currently have thirteen wins between them -- three more than any other division -- and are home to many past champions, seven if my sources are correct. They are part of the super strong Eastern Conference and each team received high marks during our keeper core analysis. Let's see how that's panned out for them so far.

Italian Stallionz (5-0)
The remaining undefeated team left, Porta's Stallionz are running roughshod over the league this year. They've done this despite going over the century mark just once -- WK5's 128-66 win. Some would argue that it's been their league leading easy schedule that has allowed them to rise to the top, but we'd say it's the sure hand of their coach and GM.

Even though they have been more than active on the free agent market, Porta has utilized only seven players this season. Tom Brady hasn't been stellar but is still a top five QB averaging just a shade under twenty points per game. He's had Tony Gonzalez, Reggie Wayne, Percy Harvin, and Demaryius Thomas to toss the rock to. Gonzalez and Wayne are the top ranked players at their position -- although Wayne has been on the bench of late -- and Harvin and Thomas are top twelve WR options. Heck, Brian Hartline is the number ten ranked wide and he hasn't even made an in-game apperance for the Stallionz yet.

The real triumph of this team is in the backfield, where Jamaal Charles and Stevan Ridley have combined for 31 points per game and are currently both top five running backs. Porta may have had an easy schedule but he's also the second highest scoring team in the league -- after Mandalorian Warriors -- and hasn't dipped below eighty eight points except for once in WK2. We got a leading contender here, viva mozzarella!

100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (3-2)
After shooting out to a great start, J's team has dumped two straight games. Of course, those two matchups have been against the best two teams in the league, and they got blasted with an average of 143 points during those games. After that onslaught, it makes sense that the Pooh Bears are reeling a little bit.

Franchise quarterback Cam Newton will use his bye week to recover from an erratic start to his season. Can the sophomore find consistency? The good news is that Ray Rice has been just as good as advertised, as he's performed as a top three back. The problem is that neither Ryan Mathews nor Doug Martin have really stepped up alongside Rice. Martin could be fading into a time share and Mathews is still getting into the swing of things.

A bigger issue is the lack of receivers on this team. Antonio Brown leads the way here but he's only had one game in double digits. Dez Bryant, Kendall Wright, and Jerome Simpson haven't been good either, although Bryant could be coming on. In addition, TE Jimmy Graham has been a little hit and miss, and he needs to fulfill his dynamic potential. As for the kicking game? Mason Crosby might need to go, as he averages six points a game, which is less than half the amount of the kicking leaders. Overall, the Pooh Bears may need a good kick in the ass to get their team trending upward again. Or just avoid being on the wrong side of Maize and Blue history, that would be a nice start.

Human Amoebas (3-2)
Nipping right at the Pooh Bears' heels is Human Amoebas, who have been undefeated since bringing on their co-owner. Matthew Stafford couldn't hold off Andrew Luck any longer and the sterling rookie produced his best game of the season in his first start for the Amoebas. Is Stafford now on the trading block?

While the Amoebas have put up over 80+ points per game during their two game win streak, their opponents have put up only 65 each time. Are Eric and Hong winning by smoke and mirrors? Their roster is certainly lacking in star power. The three headed "monster" of Ahmad Bradshaw, Michael Bush, and DeAngelo Williams haven't struck fear into too many defensive coordinators hearts but they've been serviceable. Bradshaw has even been a top fifteen RB so far.

The same story goes for the receiving corps. DeSean Jackson is his usual boom or bust self, and Pierre Garcon has faded badly after a nice start to his season. Third receiver, and keeper selection, Jon Baldwin has been a virtual non-factor. Heck, Fred Davis has barely been an employable tight end, yet this team just wins baby! It must be due to their stellar Texans defense, which is ranked number two. The Amoebas truly are stronger than the sum of its parts, and with some luck and more Luck, they'll continue to challenge for a post-season spot.

Squirtle Squad (2-3)
The mighty Squirtles have won the championship many times, so it's never safe to discount them. However, these are dark times. Aside from the bottom feeding P Funk All Stars, Brian's team is the lowest scoring team in the league. The problem starts up top with Michael Vick, who has been mostly frustrating. RB Adrian Peterson isn't a top back currently but he's been as good as could be expected after a quick return from ACL surgery. He should only trend upwards as the knee strengthens. We have been enjoying Miles Austin's consistency so far, as he's the only receiver to have achieved double digits in all of his appearances this season.

The Squirtles suffer from some depth problems though. Brandon Lloyd has been just south of okay, while Jermichael Finley, Randall Cobb, Denarius Moore, and someone named T.Y. Hilton are taking turns trying to catch the ball. Cobb could be nice with Greg Jennings out, and Moore is flashing encouraging signs. If they both step up, this team could be on the way up. All in all, the Squirtles are only one game out of second place so they are hardly out of the post-season competition.

Always active on the waiver wire, some other owners have revealed that they use GM Brian's free agent moves to grab players for their other leagues. That's respect.

Almost Another Record

Heading into MNF, the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company needed two points to tie their opponent, Wayne State Tartars. The score? 27-29 in favor of the Tartars. After a twenty two outburst by Arian Foster, the Paper Company emerged with a resounding 49-33 victory.

I have no idea how the Tartars got four extra points, just like I am disappointed the game crept into semi-respectable scoring range, as I was excited for a lowest total score ever challenge. I mean, I really wanted to see a game with both opponents under thirty. Didn't you?

Congrats to Mike for the big win, moving him up to second place in Lebowski Achievers division. It's not often you put up a zero, a negative two, a negative five, and still win. No booing, please no booing.

Shake It, Shake It

It's only four games in but if you're counting at home, that's already 25% of the regular season gone.  Let's take a look at some individual divisions shall we, just in time for the schedule to turn into some division fights!  The entire Ba-Donka-Donk division won last week -- against the still yet to be renamed TCats division -- giving them highlight honors.

Jedi Knights (3-1)
After squeaking out a 93-91 victory last week versus the Ann Arbor Bamfers, Chris is riding high.  In fact, his only defeat has come at the hands of the 4-0 Italian Stallionz, and the Knights roster is barely rounding into form. Both Andy Dalton and Peyton Manning are currently top ten QBs, after a shaky start of the season for each. Who will be the starter moving forward?

That Alfred Morris trade has secured the backfield and given the Knights a rushing attack they've never had before.  Morris is currently the fifth ranked RB.  What the Knights do need is some receivers to step up.  Wes Welker and Marques Colston have been early season disappointments, although signs point to them hitting their stride soon.  TE Jermaine Gresham has been average, but that was perhaps expected.  There is a bit of a hole at second running back -- unless you think Jacquizz Rodgers is the answer -- but maybe recent waiver wire addition Joique Bell (replacing Kevin Smith) can fit the bill. Yo GM Chris, kicker Dan Bailey has got to go! He's literally the worst starting K in Maize and Blue right now.  I got a song for you: right here.

We see many more wins ahead for Jedi Knights, even though they've only gone over 90+ points once, as they have lots of upside to explore with the QBs and WRs finding their footing. If the Knights can hold off Another Bad Creation this week, they'll have a nice two game lead.

Another Bad Creation (2-2)
A few weeks ago, ABC was winless and headed toward a disapponting season.  With such a great keeper core, we expected more! Well, after back to back 90+ scoring weeks and two wins, Oliver's team is trending up.  Would you believe that up till now, Ryan Fitzpatrick is outscoring Aaron Rodgers?  Not that Fitzy has played a game for ABC, but that's shocking right?  Rodgers is out of his early season slump though, and will soon re-ascend his throne.

Rodgers is throwing to a nice group of receivers too, as Vincent Jackson, Andre Johnson, and free agent find Martellus Bennett have all contributed steadily.  (Finding Bennett has allowed management to dump top ranked TE, Heath Miller.)  Even free agent receiver Andrew Hawkins could slide in for some games too, he's been that good.  ABC has two running backs in the top ten but Reggie Bush is a bit of a mirage as he's ranked high based on a thirty one point outburst in WK2 -- which he was on the bench for.  Lead back Marshawn Lynch has been his normal bruising self, and if hot-and-cold Darren McFadden and plodder Cedric Benson could combine into one back, that would be perfect.

This week is a big matchup with division leader Jedi Knights so we could see some blood and fireworks. As a team that has steady scoring each week -- three games between 80 and 90 points -- we see ABC ramping up for a strong mid-season push.

Rhythm Drive (2-2)
This team escaped WK1 with a one point win and then got pummeled two weeks in a row. Reno's team bounced back though, with a 90 point showing last weekend, to steady the ship. The big question hanging over Rhythm Drive is if the real Philip Rivers is ever coming back? He's had one 20+ point game, two mid-teens ones, and one stinker. He's so far down the QB rankings that I don't even wanna count. There are also two more slots dedicated to QBs here, with Matt Flynn and Nick Foles on-board, but neither are starting for their NFL teams. Should Rhythm Drive start thinking about replacing Rivers?

The good news is that Michael Turner and Willis McGahee are pretty steady. Injury plagued Matt Forte has been mostly useless but if he can return to form, this will be a nice three back rotation. WR Larry Fitzgerald is holding it down all by himself as Greg Jennings has broken double digits only once and there's not another receiver contributing much of anything. Marcedes Lewis, Coby Fleener, and Santana Moss have put up only twenty five points total for Rhythm Drive. Also, it may be time to look at replacing the Giants defense, who have only posted 3+ points once this season. Actually, yes, it's definitely time to replace them.

It's hard to tell where this team will go, but we know that Rivers will probably be the player that drags them up or down in the standings. With three good running backs and some holes in the receiver department, do we smell a trade coming? Pretty please?

P Funk All Stars (1-3)
After a lot of teasing and potshots lobbed by the national Maize and Blue media, P Funk All Stars got angry and threw up 82 points on their way to a huge first win. After scoring below fifty in each of their three weeks, this is a nice step forward. For posterity, let it be recorded that MoRRie's Boys was overconfident and played without their defense.  Paolo's team showed Alvin the importance of having men on the field when his 49ers defense went out and dropped 28 points. Take that, take that!

While we have a strong suspicion Paolo isn't paying attention -- he's got real life obligations that go above and beyond fantasy sports (I know, hard to imagine) -- we'd rather pretend that he believed so much in Brian Quick that he left him in there. So far MVP candidate Quick has had four targets and one reception, totaling one whole point for the season. It's no surprise P Funk is the lowest scoring team in the league. What might be funnier is that they are only seven points behind Team Cameltoe in points scored. Watch out Felipe, he's coming for you!

Not much has changed since we covered this team two weeks ago in our 0-2 teams column. Joe Flacco has heated up even more and there's likely no need for both Alex Smith and Sam Bradford on this roster.  TE Greg Olsen sealed last week's win with 89 yards and a TD so he'll likely be canonized by relieved All Stars fans soon. There's not a whole lot else going on here though. Rookie receiver Justin Blackmon isn't ready yet, Isaac Redman is headed back to the bench with Rashard Mendenhall returning, and the two headed monster of Pierre Thomas and Mark Ingram just isn't working out. The other receiver is Michael Floyd, who has scored only four points total this season for P Funk, embarrassing if he wasn't starting next to Quick.

We want to give an extreme makeover for this team, like right now. Just give us the password Paolo, we'll make some moves for you. (But most importantly, congrats to the new addition to your real life roster!)

Record Breaker!

After some extensive research by our experts, it's been determined that Mandalorian Warriors set a new high this past weekend.  158 points!  Having already secured a victory against 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears heading into MNF, Matt decided to step it up a notch and really put the fear into his opponents.  His Bears defense went out and intercepted Tony Romo five times, and scored two defensive touchdowns, totaling 24 points and pushing Mandalorian Warriors to the record.

Taking a closer look at this awesome achievement, we see that three players topped 20+, everyone went over double digits, including kicker Matt Prater who dropped in a cool sixteen.  Drew Brees had 446 passing yards with 3 TDs while Falcons' hero Roddy White tossed up 169 yards and 2 TDs of his own.  In fact, the only player who didn't score a touchdown was LeSean McCoy, a fact he was bitter about post-victory.  And it's not like there were a lot of points on the bench either, as Matt made all the right moves to hit a record day.

And while we're here, let it be noted that Mandalorian Warriors broke their own record, as they had 146 points in 2007 versus the Detroit Players.  If they want to put up 145 this season, they can own all top three spots on the individual game scoring charts. Let's not put it past them, as this team is clearly a juggernaut after a recent trade for Roddy White.

Lest the celebration get out of hand, Coach Fett had this to say at today's Q&A: "All this proves is that the professionals on this roster got the memo that last week's embarrassment was not acceptable.  Do they give out championships after four weeks now?  No?  Fine.  We have a huge divisional game this weekend, a division in which we are 0-1, I might add. This program has no rearview mirror." Clearly this franchise is looking for bigger things than just regular season records. Still, a big hand and super congrats for an jaw dropping week!

Some interesting notes from our research team, aka Matt. See the entire spreadsheet here.

A history going back through the 2004 season of scores over 120 points.  Of course I may have missed something, as I compiled this manually.  The tabs just show different sort orders, and counts by franchise.  Of note:

• The 130 point mark was breached only 10 times.  At 8 games a week, 16 weeks a season for 8.25 seasons comes to over 1000 games.
• In only 3 cases did a team score more than 120 during the playoffs, but only one of those counted (Players in 2007, 131-62 over Pooh Bears in Playoffs round 1).
• In week 3 of 2007, the Pooh Bears beat the Amoebas, 121-120, the only time both teams reach the 120 point threshold.
• The Pooh Bears and Players have the most games > 120 at 4, followed by the Warriors and Lunatics at 3.  I didn't consolidate any teams that changed names, so these counts may be off.
• The Jedi Knights have had the most > 120 games played against them with 5.  The Pooh Bears also have been on the wrong end 4 times, the Players, 3.  Ditto about consolidating names.