West Conf Early Look: Hoke-A-Mania

It’s been a bad first month of the season for division namesake Brady Hoke, and the same with this division. The highest scoring team in the division — Team Cameltoe -- is ranked only 10th in PF. Yes, welcome to Maize and Blue’s weakest division, again. [2013 Early Season Look]

Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (2-2)
After vaulting out of the gate with two strong wins, Ouroboros has collapsed in recent weeks as their team has fallen apart. Many would blame the bad karma from the Ray Rice trade, and it would be hard to disagree. The fantasy football gods don’t look kindly on teams that harbor villains. The recent season ending injury to Dennis Pitta also left a gaping hole at tight end, exposing yet another leak for this team to plug.

The good news is that sophomore RB Giovani Bernard as emerged as a top option, with 16.0 ppg in his three appearances. Matt Ryan has also found another gear, throwing three TDs in three separate games so far. Aside from those two however, the rest of the roster has been mostly so-so. Victor Cruz has redeemed himself after a slow start but Eric Decker has regressed as expected. Free agent pickup Ahmad Bradshaw has produced some nice games upon signing, which has eased the pain of 2014 first rounder Toby Gerhart’s pathetic start to the season. Darren Sproles has been electric in real life, but a non-factor as a fantasy player. Young RBs Jerick McKinnon and Alfred Blue could both move ahead of him on the depth chart soon. With bad karma still coming in every which way, it’ll be a tough fight for Jon to remain at the top of this division.

Team Cameltoe (1-3)
Last year’s expensive rebuild resulted in a 2-11 season, and Cameltoe’s number one overall pick being gifted to 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears. How goes year two? Well, it’s hard to say. After stumbling out of the gate 0-2 in low scoring losses, Cameltoe has looked more respectable of late. Led by the high flying duo of Jordy Nelson and Julio Jones, Cameltoe could climb up the ranks to respectability quickly in this weak division.

Russell Wilson is the only QB to not be a top scorer for his team, but that’s mainly because he’s only played three games. Seattle’s offense has looked very impressive this season and after Wilson’s WK4 bye, he’ll now be around to lead this team the rest of the way. That’s good because recent trade acquisition EJ Manuel just got booted to the curb by the Bills. We’re a little puzzled by the Isaiah Crowell for Jordan Matthews trade, as Cameltoe is clearly stronger at WR than RB. Knile Davis is returning to a backup role and it had looked like Crowell was only gaining steam. Yes, Doug Martin is back from injury, and free agent steal Lorezno Taliaferro is on-board, but Matthews didn’t seem to have the upside of Crowell. We would have liked to see a spare RB traded for a TE, since Felipe has rotated through three of them already this season.

MoRRie’s Pogiboys (1-3)
Alvin’s team has faced three teams that have hit the DeLorean mark already this season, resulting in all three of their losses. Their lone win was a 61-46 affair in WK3 against Ann Arbor Bamfers. For a team that had hopes of returning to another Super Bowl, the road will obviously be much tougher this time around.

Calvin Johnson is leading the team in points, but he’s been hobbled since WK2. And Fat Eddie Lacy is starting to make Pogiboys fans wonder if his rookie season was the height of career. And oh yeah, Tom Brady is averaging 8.8 points a game, down on the charts with the likes of Jake Locker and Drew Stanton. To add insult to emotional injury: Tom Terrible has been replaced in the lineup by rookie Blake Bortles just a month into the season. Hey, at least TE Travis Kelce seems to be getting better with each game! As is rookie running back Khiry Robinson. Veterans Michael Crabtree and Percy Harvin have been more than erratic however. GM Alvin has been streaming defenses this season, but as their PA and three losses can attest, they’ve stopped nobody this season. Except, so far, themselves.

Ann Arbor Bamfers (1-3)
In a strange quirk, Bamfers is the only team in the division with a positive PF/PA split. In fact, they are scoring 7.8 points more than their opponent this season, yet they’ve only picked up one win — a WK4 victory over 0-4 P Funk All Stars. Randy’s team hasn’t seen a winning season since 2005 — despite making the playoffs last year — and they’re going to need to come together quickly to end that streak now.

It seems like Bamfers have two pretty useable QBs in Colin Kaepernick and Nick Foles. Neither have been spectacular but both are solidly starter worthy. Perhaps one could be shipped off for a much needed receiver? The passing game could use a strong WR#1 alongside James Jones, Golden Tate, and Kendall Wright. The WK4 insertion of TE Delanie Walker for an inept Heath Miller was at least a week late. Frank Gore is still getting lots of carries, but the Buffalo timeshare of C.J. Spiller and Fred Jackson continue to hurt both running backs. All in all, Bamfers aren’t in any worse shape than any of the other teams in this division, and with a few tweaks, they could potentially challenge for that elusive winning season.

East Conf Early Look: The Wood

This division is slipping. Last year at this time The Wood had three 3-1 teams, and now they boast only two. Of course, there's no losing records among the four teams so maybe it's just as strong. Make no mistake, The Wood is dark and full of terrors, and all four teams could be championship contenders. [2013 Early Season Look.]

*Fockers (3-1)
Fock me? Fock you! Despite playing a tough opening schedule, Hong’s team has glided to the top of the toughest division in the land. Fockers barely missed the playoffs last year, despite a winning record, and now they’re angry! Having the best player in fantasy football helps, as Andrew Luck and his 25.8 points per game are smashing everyone else in the league so far.

Last year’s number one overall pick, Le’Veon Bell, has lost weight and is now breaking off explosive runs. And hey, off-season acquisition Antonio Gates had three TDs in WK2! And there’s more upside to be had here, as starting receivers Demaryius Thomas and Pierre Garcon have yet to hit their stride. Montee Ball seems to be an absolute disappointment though, and this year’s first rounder, Bishop Sankey, could soon overtake him in the starting lineup. In fact, the only weakness we can see is the same hole as last year: tight end. Gates had that one spectacular game but he’s been quiet since. (Sleeper TE Ladarius Green is still deep in slumber apparently.) Regardless, with the magical Luck at the helm, Fockers are certain to continue their winning ways. Dracarys!

100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (3-1)
How fare our defending champions? After winning the throne, winning the lottery, and cashing in on a flurry of extra early rounders, Pooh Bears should be nigh invincible right? Well, new owner (and younger brother) Alan took the shine off the crown by pounding J&J by thirty points in WK1. Since then, Pooh Bears have bounced back handily, but with wins against three opponents who all scored sub-60 points. The rest of their schedule stacks out to much tougher, as they only face one sub-0.500 team the rest of the way.

Antonio Brown has asserted himself as the most exciting receiver in the league, with highlight reel catches, 18.3 ppg, and a lofty #10 overall fantasy showing. Brown, Jimmy Graham, and Dez Bryant have been working opponents over. The receivers on this team are ridiculous, and that’s not even accounting for (hopefully not) one-shot wonder Cordarrelle Patterson, partially resuscitated Reggie Wayne, and 2014’s RD1.1 pick, Brandin Cooks. Oh right, and fellow rookie Mike Evans, who wasn’t looking too bad either until a groin injury shelved him. Last year’s championship run relied heavily on Shane Vereen, but now he’s fallen off a cliff and there’s only Pierre Thomas and rookie backup Carlos Hyde behind him. The thing is, who’s leading this team at quarterback? The no brainer answer is Cam Newton, but Killer Cam has been getting worse each week and if rookie Teddy Bridgewater were healthy, there’s a great chance he would have been inserted into the lineup already. Oh yeah, and there’s Johnny Manziel lurking, lurking, behind them both. Pooh Bears face off against Fockers in WK5 for a huge game!

Italian Stallionz (2-2)
After suffering the indignity of being the only team in The Wood not to have a winning record last year, Stallionz put their stamp on the young season by putting up a season high 109 points last week — including a negative seven showing by Falcons defense while Eagles' +24 points rode the bench. So far it seems like Porta’s squad is boom or bust, riding the wave of Matthew Stafford’s big weeks. However, Jamaal Charles is back in the saddle and he should provide another dose of explosiveness.

The receiving corps is definitely contributing, as DeAndre Hopkins has matured quickly in his second year and pre-draft trade acquisition Mike Wallace has somehow found consistency week to week. And what about TE Larry Donnell, who has been starting since early WK2 for the prescient Porta. Exciting running back Andre Ellington has received a major uptick in carries but he hasn’t reached the end zone yet, and he could be spelled by Justin Forsett if he can’t start consistently getting into double digits. Stevan Ridley has seemed to disappear from the Patriots game plan recently. No matter, with Charles back in charge, the running game is strong again, and we're ready to see if this team is the Stallionz Who Mountz the World!

Squirtle Squad (2-2)
What do you call a team that has both Adrian Peterson and Josh Gordon on the roster?...Give up? Answer: Ray Rice’s next team! Okay, not funny. Squirtles responded to all the Peterson and Gordon adversity by slapping up 106 points last week, in defiance of The Old Gods and the New. Remember how we said Pooh Bears had a tough road ahead of them? Well, Brian's team won’t face any sub-0.500 teams the rest of the way. He's taking the High Road to The Eyrie apparently.

With two of their best players facing lengthy suspensions, it makes sense that this team’s depth has been tested. (A recent trade of Jordan Matthews for promising Isaiah Crowell doesn’t quite move the needle.) Sophomores Zac Stacy and Keenan Allen have both had their struggles this year, even though Allen just had a great WK4. Randall Cobb has been spectacular receiving passes from NFL MVP candidate Philip Rivers, who’s averaging 20.3 ppg, just a notch behind Luck and Manning. Julius Thomas could easily remain the top TE for the year, and yes, in a historic first, Squirtles will roll out a double-TE formation in WK5. Our off-season rule change will hit the field in the form of Heath Miller at the flex position. Just for that, we hope Squirtles go undefeated the rest of the way.

West Conf Early Look: The Knights Who Say Ni

No surprise at the top for The Knights Who Say Ni. Just look at the division name: "Knights." It's a tight race though, as three of the four teams have three wins or more! [2013 early season preview.]

Jedi Knights (4-0)
We’ve often spoken of Jedi’s resurgence — or just “surgence” with no “re-“ — and lauded them for climbing out of the gutter into the spotlight. Well, now they are the top team in M&B, with an unblemished first month of the season. Sure, they’ve beat up on some bad teams, but what potential champion hasn’t? After two straight division titles, Jedi already have a leg up for their third.

Of course, they’ve done it by leaning on Peyton Manning again, who has thrown for 20+ points in all three of his appearances. The nice surprise has been the solid RB duo of Alfred Morris and Lamar Miller. They’ve given Jedi a ground game to complement the dangerous passing game. Emmanuel Sanders has racked up a ton of catches and yards in his new role, while T.Y. Hilton has steadied himself at the other receiver position. Interestingly, neither of them have scored a TD yet this season. In fact, only Marques Colston has a TD for this receiving corps, which includes TE Jason Witten. The biggest sign that Chris is taking this season as his championship push? Trading away a future pick for one week of QB Mike Glennon, a ballsy move that rewarded Jedi with 18 points during a WK4 victory. We love everything this team is doing. It’s the (Re-)turn of the Jedi!

Another Bad Creation (3-1)
We gave ABC the best keeper core scores in the division but maybe we were overrating some of the talent here. A healthy Aaron Rodgers is a superstar, and Marshawn Lynch is running for a contract, but the two-headed Lion attack of Reggie Bush and Joique Bell have mostly flamed out. Andre Johnson and Vincent Jackson have yet to break double digits in four games, and Oliver has had to scramble to keep his team on a winning track. ABC haven’t been to the playoffs in two years and they’re hungry for more than Skittles.

You know who else is hungry? Steve Smith Sr., who is hungry for revenge! While Smith didn’t hit ABC’s lineup until WK4, Smith’s three 100+ yard games so far this season could mean that he’s now here to stay. His 25 point outburst last week shot him to #3 scorer on this roster. With last week’s pickup of free agent Eddie Royal, the receiving corps got a boost as they wait for Johnson and Jackson to join the party. It looks like Oliver is moving to the run-and-shoot, and with a big matchup this week against Jedi Knights, ABC could look to make a major statement about their championship aspirations this year.

Original Salt (3-1)
For the past two years, Reno’s squad had only four wins all season! Assuming they win at least one more game, Original Salt fans can already declare this year a success. (Of course, Original Salt started off 2013 2-2 before collapsing, but we’d like to stay optimistic here.) Their only loss so far has been WK3, against division foe Another Bad Creation. Overall, this team won’t likely be a mirage because their PF/PA numbers are very solid and sustainable.

Powered by the Berenstain Bears set of Jay Cutler and Matt Forte, Original Salt has been using a pass oriented attack to ride to victory. Cutler has actually been performing as a top five fantasy QB option. He’s throwing to Roddy White and Terrance Williams, who have taken turns with big games. Unfortunately, TE Jordan Cameron’s huge start to 2013 was a definite aberration and there’s a chance free agent pickup Levine Toilolo could unseat him. And please, release Danny Amendola and put him out of his misery. There’s a chance Bernard Pierce could return from injury to solidify the other RB position, but for now it’s Darren McFadden and a touch of Steven Jackson holding that slot down. It’ll be a tough battle for Reno this season to move up in the division, but they should savor the 3-1 record because they’ve earned it.

P Funk All Stars (0-4)
The surprise team of last season almost took a division crown off Jedi Knights, tying for the wins lead with an 8-4 record and hitting the playoffs for the first time since 2006. We wondered if they could retain their excellent or regress to their previous losing state. Well, unfortunately, the latter has happened. Paolo’s team is putting up the lowest PF in the league, even as they are being pounded by one of the worst PAs around. It’s hard to win games when you average 54.5 ppg and your opponents put up 79.8 per outing. But we are not here to bury, but to provide hope. The good news is…well, okay. There’s not a lot of good news.

Joe Flacco is leading this team in scoring despite only starting two games. Ryan Fitzpatrick got the call the first two weeks of the season, before getting subbed out. Together they haven’t been half bad — a combined output that puts them on the Alex Smith and Nick Foles level — but maybe clear leadership is needed to turn this boat around. Off-season trade acquisition DeSean Jackson hasn’t been quite as explosive as advertised, and Rayn Mathews looks like he’s headed for an injured plagued season. Last season’s hero, Michael Floyd has stamped himself as the top WR in Arizona with two 100+ yard games, but he’s yet to score a touchdown. Terrance West, one of three first round picks by P Funk this season, has proven serviceable so far, but his carries have been in slow decline. And let’s just go ahead and cut the cord on Tavon Austin, as the Rams have no idea how to use him effectively. Paolo’s team needs to regroup and try to pull a respectable season together, even if they are likely already out of post-season contention.

East Conf Early Look: Lebowski Achievers

Shockingly, it's already four weeks into the season. Where did the time fly? I'm still waiting for my team to round into shape! Last year we did some early season reviews right around this time and so let's take a look again! [Early season Lebowski review last season.]

Sweep the Leg Zabka (2-2)
How’s this for the start to a new reign? Alan’s first month in Maize & Blue sees him sitting atop his division, as well as owning the highest PF in the league. Their debut week saw them roll over the defending champs, 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears, in a 95-65 shellacking. Overall, they’ve had two DeLoreans, and almost one more. In addition, they’ve already injected some life into the league by getting involved in THREE trades since the draft, moving Delanie Walker, EJ Manuel, and Mike Glennon for future picks.

And guess who’s been their MVP so far? Giants running back Rashad Jennings, who has been playing as a top five RB, with 12.8 points per game. And how about rookie Kelvin Benjamin, who has exploded onto the scene with 12.3 ppg — he’s outplayed fellow rookie Sammy Watkins by a big margin so far. TE Rob Gronkowski has been a little erratic but he still has three TDs on the season. And then there’s waiver wire pickup Matt Asiata, who scored three TDs last week alone, and he could be the perfect fill in for a still injured Knowshon Moreno. Andy Dalton and Eli Manning could be in for a QB battle, as Manning put up 32 points last week while Dalton was on bye. Overall, Alan is scoring big without a lot of traditional stars, and he’s moving his extra depth to boot. What a start to the season!

Shoguns of Harlem (2-2)
It’s hard to say if Mike’s constant rebranding helps his team or not, but so far the newly dubbed Shoguns are outpacing their 1-3 start from 2013. Despite being riddled with injuries, this team has managed to win on the strength of two 86 point games in WK1 and WK4. The toughest stretch of their schedule seems to be over too, so it could be smoother sailing from here on out. If this team can stay healthy.

Currently, out of eleven players who have seen the field for Shoguns, fully eight of them have a glaring red “P" or “Q” next to their names. Top running back Arian Foster is working his way back from injury — handcuff Ben Tate too — so it’s been up to Tony Romo and Jeremy Maclin to lead the attack. Alshon Jeffery seems to be heating back up, but it looks like TE Vernon Davis coud be dinged up. There’s no second running back on this team, as Chris Johnson is proving that his star days are waaaay over. Receiver Andrew Hawkins has been a steady if unspectacular flex option, as this team looks to run-and-shoot its way to stay competitive.

Detroit Players (2-2)
It’s hard to more snakebitten than Detroit Players so far this season. Mark Ingram flashed two weeks of incredible numbers before breaking a hand. A.J. Green missed WK2 after getting knocked out early. Starting TE Kyle Rudolph is also out. And then there’s Robert Griffin III, who wasn’t exactly setting the NFL on fire anyway when he was healthy. At least Players moved fast to acquire Kirk Cousins in a trade, riding him to a WK3 win over the Warriors, before having Cousins’ four INTs sink them to 0.500 in WK4.

So how is this team winning? Welcome to the DeMarco Murray Experience! Mr. Murray is currently the top ranked RB, on pace to break 2,000+ yards, and is in the top five for all fantasy scorers so far this season. It’s Andrew Luck, Philip Rivers, Matt Ryan, and then Murray. He's scored 17, 20, 17, and 26 points so far, with touchdowns in each game. With that kind of running game, Ariel has been able to work around the rest of his frail lineup, while finding useful pieces like rookie Jeremy Hill to fill in the gaps. If Ingram returns soon and Cousins stabilizes, Players could be headed to another post-season appearance. All hail DeMarco!

Mandalorian Warriors (1-3)
How quickly the mighty fall. Despite looking like a potential dynasty just two years ago, Matt’s team suddenly find themselves below 0.500 for the first time in forever, and it’s not unwarranted, as they’ve been the fourth lowest scoring team in M&B so far. After sneaking out a 76-71 WK1 win, Warriors have lost three in a row, with declining PF each time. Yes, they’ve faced four teams with a combined record of 11-5, but the Warriors we know and feared never needed excuses.

Despite a roster replete with stars, the second highest contributor so far this season has been TE Greg Olsen. You know, All-Pro Greg Olsen? No, not ringing a bell? Sure, Drew Brees is still slinging it, but he’s not on fire...yet. The biggest problem in the lineup right now is running back, where LeSean McCoy has been ineffective, and the fantasy world is off-kilter when Chris Ivory has been the steadier scorer of the two. McCoy is still a top option but two weeks with three points total is not going to help pull Warriors out of this tailspin. Larry Fitzgerald’s time as a WR#1 is clearly over, and he hasn’t even broken five points a game this season. Brandon Marshall had a huge WK2 but has been quiet since. Thank goodness for Julian Edelman, sort of. After a fast start, Edelman’s been in decline recently, as the Patriots offense sputters week by week. It’s way too early to hit the panic bell, but Matt has to be worried about losing his iron grip on the Lebowski Achievers this season. Especially to an upstart owner trying to go from worst to first!