2014 Keeper Analysis: Western Conference

Here we are, with another edition of “rank the keepers!” As always, we separate out keepers into gold/silver/bronze status and as you’ll see, we’ve got quite a few team ranking changes in there, and lots of new faces. The keeper spreadsheet reveals all and here are the 2013 West and East grades.

Knights Who Say Ni
Another Bad Creation +2(15): Aaron Rodgers (3) Marshawn Lynch (3) Reggie Bush (2) Joique Bell (1) Andre Johnson (3) Vincent Jackson (3)
Jedi Knights -1(13): Peyton Manning (3) Alfred Morris (2) Wes Welker (2 Marques Colston (2) Emmanuel Sanders (2) Jason Witten (2)
Original Salt +1(10): Matt Forte (3) Steven Jackson (1) Bernard Pierce (1) Roddy White (2) Jordan Cameron (2) Terrance Williams (1)
P Funk All Stars +3(8): Joe Flacco (1) Ryan Mathews (2) DeSean Jackson (2) Michael Floyd (2) Tavon Austin (1) Bengals (0)


Another Bad Creation went 5-8 last season but had a great keeper core. This year, they return with an even stronger group, at least on paper. Aaron Rodgers and Marshawn Lynch are franchise players at their respective positions, and Andre Johnson and Vincent Jackson are old but still very productive. Both of them could be headed for greener pastures soon, but their performance still gets them to near the top ten at receiver. The only question here is if Joique Bell might supplant Reggie Bush sometime in the Lions’ backfield, but it seems like a straight time share. Rodgers must stay healthy this year though, to give Oliver a shot at the division -- and the Super Bowl, which ABC was at two years ago.

Jedi Knights have been tops here in the recent past and even though they lost a point in the rankings, Peyton Manning can carry this team far. The only new face is Emmanuel Sanders, taking over for Steve Smith, and he should be a decent starter. Despite only one gold caliber player on this core, that one franchise player can throw up 40+ points a week! This veteran heavy group is built to win now and is a solid all-around.

For awhile last year, it looked like Jordan Cameron was going to become a franchise caliber tight end. He cooled off dramatically, but he gives Original Salt (formerly Rhythm Drive) a top option at a position of need. This team is built around Matt Forte the hopeful return of Roddy White. Steven Jackson and Bernard Pierce are mediocre RB options, but hopes are high for new keeper Terrance Williams. We love the move Reno pulled off in deciding to kick Philip Rivers to the curb, even after a great season, realizing that only he was only one of two teams that wasn’t already keeping a quarterback. He'll have his choice of the non-keepers and an extra slot for a position player!

P Funk All Stars surprised all the pundits by throwing up a 8-5 season and making the playoffs. This after we mocked them for keeping two mediocre quarterbacks as their keepers. This year, they dumped Sam Bradford but kept Joe Flacco, still a borderline fantasy starter. And then there’s potential rookie bust Tavon Austin, who only had three double digit scoring games last season. Oh right, and Paolo kept Bengals defense, a very strange move (last year he kept 49ers). The good news is that Ryan Mathews, new trade acquisition DeSean Jackson, and the emerging Michael Floyd are all nice pieces. Can P Funk keep winning despite a keeper core that consistently scores increduously low?

Hoke-A-Mania
MoRRie’s Pogiboys +5(15): Tom Brady (2) Eddie Lacy (3) Trent Richardson (0) Calvin Johnson (3) Michael Crabtree (2) Percy Harvin (2)
Team Cameltoe +3(13): Russell Wilson (2) Doug Martin (2) Julio Jones (3) Jordy Nelson (3) Riley Cooper (1) Jordan Reed (2)
Hungry Ourorboros +0(11): Matt Ryan (2) Ray Rice 2 Giovani Bernard (2) Victor Cruz (2) Eric Decker (1) Dennis Pitta (2)
Ann Arbor Bamfers -2(10): Colin Kaepernick (2) Nick Foles (2) Frank Gore (2) CJ Spiller (2) Fred Jackson (1) Kendall Wright (2)

It’s hard for a keeper player to earn a zero score. We gave one out to Bengals defense on principle, as no defenses should ever be kept. Kickers would get a zero too. The only position players to receive a zero last year were Willis McGahee, who didn’t have a NFL team at the time, and Michael Crabtree, who was effectively out for the season. So here comes Trent Richardson, Mr. Dud, who we think deserves a zero until he proves otherwise. Even with that fat zero, Pogiboys is stacked and looking to avenge a Super Bowl loss. The trade for Tom Brady gave them a borderline franchise QB. Rookie Eddie Lacy -- the only lasting haul from Pogiboys' three top ten picks last season -- emerged as a borderline franchise piece, and of course there’s still Calvin Johnson, the best WR in the game. If Crabtree and Percy Harvin can manage to stay even semi-healthy, this keeper core is one of the best in the league. Even with Trent Zero Richardson.

After last season’s epic off-season rebuild, Cameltoe was still looking a little shaky and they went 2-11 to add insult to injury. As it turned out, Daryl Richardson was a bust, Bears defense wasn’t even kept, but at least Jordy Nelson returned from injury to become gold status. This year, Felipe worked the trade market again and landed Doug Martin and Jordan Reed. Of course, they could have had this year’s #1 overall selection if they hadn’t moved a boatload of picks for Russell Wilson, who is grading out to likely be a middle of the road QB option. Still, we love Cameltoe’s aggressiveness, and we hope the fantasy gods reward this team in the future. As it stands, their keeper core is a vast improvement over two years ago.

Hungry Ouroboros entered Maize and Blue after inheriting a championship team starring Drew Brees, but quickly blew that squad up. Two years later, they are still trying to find that elusive core that will enable them to return to the playoffs. Rookie find Giovani Bernard is looking promising, and the trade for Ray Rice should give this team an upgrade from their former top back, Darren Sproles. Victor Cruz is looking for a bounce back year, while Eric Decker will likely suffer greatly away from Peyton. Jon waited on the injured Dennis Pitta all last year, and he’ll replace Antonio Gates as the TE keeper. Matt Ryan is what he is, and this team is sorely lacking a franchise caliber talent.

Having two keeper slots dedicated to QBs has to hurt doesn’t it? Last year, Bamfers kept Eli Manning and Colin Kaepernick, and this year they’ll replace Eli with Nick Foles. We’re not saying Foles isn’t good, but it probably behooves Randy to start looking for trade partners soon, as both quarterbacks are ranked about the same. Frank Gore continues to make his mark, but C.J. Spiller tanked hard last year. Fred Jackson is around, but once again, four keeper slots dedicated for two overlapping positions probably isn’t efficient. Then again, what do we know, Ann Arbor Bamfers snuck into the playoffs last year (albeit on a 6-7 record). New keeper Kendall Wright doesn’t score touchdowns but had 90+ receptions and he’ll likely be much more valuable once our new PPR rules kick in. The Bamfers had the best keeper core in Hoke-A-Mania at the beginning of last season, but now they’re last… How fast things change!

2014 Keeper Analysis: Eastern Conference

Part two of our keeper analysis. The Western Conference review is here.

Lebowski Achievers
Mandalorian Warriors -2(15): Drew Brees (3) LeSean McCoy (3) Brandon Marshall (3) Larry Fitzgerald (2) Julian Edelman (2) Greg Olsen (2)
Shoguns of Harlem +0(13): Tony Romo (2)  Arian Foster (2) Chris Johnson (1) Ben Tate (2)Alshon Jeffery (3) Vernon Davis (3)
Detroit Players -1(11): Robert Griffin III (2)  DeMarco Murray (2) Mark Ingram (1) AJ Green 3) Zach Ertz (1) Kyle Rudolph (2)
Sweep The Leg Zabka +1(10): Andy Dalton (1) Maurice Jones-Drew (1) Knowshon Moreno (2) Rashad Jennings (1) Torrey Smith (2) Rob Gronkowski (3)

When you are one point off a perfect keeper core score of 18, it’s hard not to come down to the pack a bit. That’s what’s happened to Mandalorian Warriors, even though they are still very strong on paper. I mean, for one, Warriors traded away Rob Gronkowski, who graded out as a gold player. New TE Greg Olsen isn’t on the Gronk’s level, but he’s far less prone to injury and he’s a nice starter. Drew Brees, LeSean McCoy, and Brandon Marshall are all tops at their positions, and the swap of Roddy White for Larry Fitzgerald isn’t exactly a downgrade. Julian Edelman basically took over everthing Danny Amendola was supposed to provide for New England and he rounds out another strong contender for Matt.

DM Paper Company has been rebranded "Shoguns of Harlem" and Mike is hoping a new name leads to more success after a 4-9 season. The two new faces on the keeper core, Alshon Jeffery and Ben Tate, should revitalize the team. Jeffery is already gold level, and there’s a chance Tate could join him. Vernon Davis is a franchise TE, but Tony Romo, Arian Foster, and Chris Johnson have all seen better days. If these Shoguns want to return to their winning ways -- they were 27-12 in the three years prior to last -- they’ll need the new blood to really step up.

There was a time when Detroit Players ruled this division, and the league. After three losing campaigns, Ariel’s team came back strong last year and got into the post-season. Their keeper core lost a point overall, but that’s mainly due to Robert Griffin’s slight regression. He could just as easily vault back to gold status, but for now, this team relies on A.J. Green’s continued ascendance. DeMarco Murray is quietly a top ten RB, but we have to admit that we’re confused by the keeper selection of Mark Ingram. Last year was a lost season for Kyle Rudolph and Zach Ertz wasn’t as effective as anticipated. However, both have lots of potential and Detroit Players could play both at the same time, taking advantage of our new flex rules for tight ends. For now, it’s the young core of RG3, Green, and Murray that will have to power Players’ re-ascent to the top.

We love how quickly Alan has moved to put his stamp on Sweep The Leg Zabka. We all know a league is more exciting with lots of player movement and Alan has replaced four keepers from last year’s Wayne State Tartars. Three of the new keepers were acquired via trade, and even if Rob Gronkowski can’t always stay healthy, the Gronk brings a chaotic energy to a new franchise looking for an identity. Knowshown Moreno should start again, and maybe Maurice Jones-Drew can bounce back in a big way, or Rashad Jennings will pound his way to the top of the Giants’ depth chart. Nobody is that excited about Andy Dalton but at least he’ll have speedster Torrey Smith to chuck the ball to. Zabka isn’t a contender by any means but they’ve already taken multiple steps in the right direction by being bold and leaping fearlessly into the future.

The Wood
100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears -1(16): Cam Newton (3) Shane Vereen (2) Dez Bryant (3) Antonio Brown (3) Cordarrelle Patterson (2) Jimmy Graham (3)
Squirtle Squad +4(14): Adrian Peterson (3) Zac Stacy (2) Josh Gordon (1) Randall Cobb (3) Keenan Allen (2) Julius Thomas (3)
*Fockers +1(13): Andrew Luck (3) Montee Ball (2) Le'Veon Bell (2) Demaryius Thomas (3) Pierre Garcon (2) Antonio Gates (1
Italian Stallionz -4(11): Matthew Stafford (3 Jamaal Charles (3) Andre Ellington (2) Stevan Ridley (1) Mike Wallace (1) DeAndre Hopkins (1)

Not to be outdone by Mandalorian Warriors, defending champ Pooh Bears also had a near perfect keeper core last year with five gold players. They’ll take a little dip this year, but they still boast the top keeper core heading into 2014. Cam Newton and Jimmy Graham are the cornerstones here, with Dez Bryant being joined by Antonio Brown to form a fantastic foursome. Last year’s backfield of the future didn’t last long, as Ray Rice and Doug Martin quickly lost their gold luster and were traded. So now the RB duties fall to Shane Vereen, who’s more a pass catcher than a runner. Cordarrelle Patterson had a huge last month of last season and could be set to vault into stardom if someone can get him the deep ball. Overall, Pooh Bears have become a bit unbalanced between run-pass, but they’ll have three first rounders in 2014 to rectify that, not to mention the #1 overall pick!

What a difference a superb rookie running back makes! Much like Pogiboys with Eddie Lacy, Squirtle Squad hit jackpot with Zac Stacy and could now have a near franchise back on their hands. In addition, Keenan Allen was the best rookie receiver last year, and Julius Thomas could challenge for top two TE status. Those three are a clear upgrade over last year’s keepers of Ronnie Hillman, Ryan Tannehill, and T.Y. Hilton. Maybe just a little. Add in a top ten receiver in Randall Cobb, plus the freak that is Adrian Peterson, and Brian’s team should be one of the favorites for the title right? Unfortunately, Josh Gordon’s playing status for the year is up in the air. If he plays, he’s a gold player, and Squirtles has the best keepers in the land. But for now, Gordon can only receive a bronze rating, if not an outright zero. Don’t do drugs kids!

Making all the right moves since entering Maize and Blue is co-GM Hong, who has been quietly pulling the strings for *Fockers. So far he’s correctly chosen Andrew Luck over MatthewStafford, moved Stafford for Demaryius Thomas and picks, and then had both his rookie running backs pan out in fine fashion. Bell and Ball aren’t the best backfield in the land, but if they fulfill their potential, they easily could challenge for a top combo. Pierre Garcon is a great WR#2, and his value will increase when his many receptions start scoring points. The only weak link here is new acquisition Antonio Gates, who isn’t long for the NFL world, but Gates is still an upgrade over last year’s disaster at tight end -- a hole that likely kept this team out of the playoffs. This looks like the year that Fockers is poised to challenge the top dogs in this ultra-difficult division.

Italian Stallionz only finished one game under 0.500 but somehow it seems like their team is tailspinning. Last season, Stallionz were the darlings of The Wood, and had an enviable keeper core. Now, they’ve lost Tony Gonzalez to retirement, Reggie Wayne to injury and old age, and are now counting on unproven youngsters like Andre Ellington and DeAndre Hopkins to keep them competitive. Matthew Stafford and Jamaal Charles are gold plated, but there’s literally no good receiving threat on this team, unless you count new acquisition Mike Wallace. Stevan Ridley might cure his fumblitis but it’s more likely he’ll watch from the bench as Ellington (hopefully) explodes into a star. In a division this tough, even a little slip is enough to send you to the bottom.

Top Five Keeper Cores

1. 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (16): A slight fall but rose to the top! And soon to add a #1 pick!
2. Mandalorian Warriors (15): This core has descended from Mount Olympus and is now only demi-god status
3. Another Bad Creation (15): If Reggie Bush and Joique Bell were combined into one back, this would be the perfect six
4. MoRRie’s Pogiboys (15): Oh Trent, if only you were good. This keeper core could be easily two points higher.
5. Squirtle Squad (14): Josh Gordon could vault this team to the top, as Squirtles gained huge off last year’s rookie draft

Pre-Draft Moves, and New Owner

Let’s welcome a new owner to the league, Alan! He’s taking over from the moribund Ann Arbor Bamfers franchise, who have been the worst team in Maize and Blue over the last decade. [Edit: Actually Alan is replacing WS Tartars!] The newly rebranded Sweep The Leg Zabka will look to turn things around quickly. The only thing we know about Alan is that he’s young, he’s hungry, he’s a Soliman, and he’s a Michigan State Spartan. Worse than that, he’s got a Comcast email account. Cobra Kai is stuck in the Eighties! Regardless, let’s raise our glasses for Jay’s years of service and give a hearty welcome to new guy Alan!

2014 Pre-Draft Trades:

• #174: Hungry Ouroboros trade 2014 RD3 to Pooh Bears for Ray Rice
• #175: Cameltoe trade 2014 RD1 to Pooh Bears for Doug Martin and Jordan Reed
• #176: P Funk All Stars 2014 RD2 to Pogiboys for DeSean Jackson
• #177: Sweep the Leg Zabkha trade 2017 RD1 and 2018 RD2 to Mandalorian Warriors for Rob Gronkowski and Knowshon Moreno
• #178: Fockers trade 2014 RD10 to Hungry Ouroboros for Antonio Gates
• #179: Sweep the Leg Zabkha trade 2014 RD3 to Squirtle Squad for Rashad Jennings
• #180: Italian Stallionz trade 2014 RD7 to Hungry Ouroboros for Mike Wallace  

Last off-season we saw a ton of pre-draft moves that included the blockbuster involving Matthew Stafford and Demaryius Thomas, as well as Cameltoe's complete rebuild. This off-season, we had quite a few moves also, with many notable names shuffling around. The most signifcant trade was Cameltoe moving their 2014 first rounder to Pooh Bears in exchange for Doug Martin and Jordan Reed. That pick ended up winning the lottery (I think) and gave our defending champions the #1 overall pick for 2014! Yowza! Only time will tell if that was a worthwhile trade, but a part of Felipe must be sad that he won’t be able to grab his choice of rookie.

Pooh Bears wasn’t done either, as they continued to clear spare parts off their championship team. Longtime stalwart Ray Rice was dumped to Hungry Ouroboros for a 2014 third rounder, as the ownership team of Jose and Jayvee decided that they couldn’t put up with Rice’s off-season, well, you know what Rice did. Ouroboros then acquired a pair of low end picks in exchange for Mike Wallace and Antonio Gates, essentially giving away two of his 2013 keepers. P Funk All Stars got into the action by sending a 2014 second rounder to Pogiboys for DeSean Jackson, who had an outstanding season last year, and will now bring his deep speed to a new NFL and fantasy team.

And since new owners love to make a splash, Alan put a stamp on his new team by moving a 2014 RD3, 2017 RD1 and 2018 RD2 to acquire Rob Gronkowski, Knowshon Moreno, and Rashad Jennings. We’ll take a look at the impact of these new keepers later on, but it’s interesting to note that the last three new owners have all made big splash trades -- Ouroboros moved Drew Brees, Fockers acquired Demaryius Thomas -- before even playing a game. Note: Matt has now firmly established his first mover advantage for hitting up the new owner for trades before they've even had a chance to catch their breath. I remember I got an email from him literally within an hour or two of taking over Ouroboros three years ago!

Draft Order 2014

Fockers had great odds to land the #1 overall pick, with 40% or so of the lottery chips. They had their pick and also Italian Stallionz’s number one from last year’s Matt Stafford trade. However, the odds were not in Hong’s favor as 100 Acre Pooh Bears vaulted into the top spot despite only a 20% chance. Jose had three lottery picks, owed from his deals with Team Cameltoe and Another Bad Creation. Indeed, it turned out that Cameltoe’s pick came through and now our defending 2013 champions get the first pick. The rich get richer I guess. Note: This is Pooh Bear’s second #1 pick in three years, as they won in 2012 on the strength of owning P Funk All Stars’ first rounder. Should Pooh Bears rename themselves the Cavaliers for the season? (Oh wait, that would imply Lebron won the title last year, haha. Sucker!)

2014 Draft Order:

1. Team Cameltoe (2-11)
2. Sweep the Leg Zabka (4-9)
3. Original Salt (4-9)
4. Shoguns of Harlem (4-9)
5. Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (5-8)
6. Another Bad Creation (5-8)
7. Italian Stallionz (6-7)
8. Fockers (7-6)
9. Ann Arbor Bamfers (6-7)
10. Squirtle Squad (7-6)
11. P Funk All Stars (8-5)
12. Detroit Players (8-5)
13. Jedi Knights (8-5)
14. 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (9-4)
15. MoRRie's Pogiboys (10-3)
16. Mandalorian Warriors (11-2)

10 Years: Divisions

We already looked at who the best divisions, conferences, and franchises were league wide. Now for a brief look at what kinds of trends there have been intra-division. It was quite interesting to see which divisions had some parity versus which were solely dominated by one (or two) teams. It's also cool to see that some of the traditional powerhouses have been fading while new franchises are rising!

WEST RED: Knights Who Say Ni
Another Bad Creation has mostly controlled the division here, with five division titles, two championships (2004, 2009), and only two losing seasons (2007, 2013). They had a great run in 2008-10, averaging ten wins over three seasons. Of late however, they have fallen upon hard times, dipping to their personal worst 5-8 last season. The second best team in the division, Original Salt aka Rhythm Drive, has been an above average franchise as one of seven teams to possess over a 0.500 regular season win average. With an impressive seven straight winning seasons between 2005-2011 to their name, they haven’t captured that elusive championship despite advancing to the Super Bowl twice (2005, 2008). Historically, ABC and Original Salt have clearly been a class above their pack.

For example, P Funk All Stars have had two one win campaigns, plus a recent two win season, and were stuck in a very bad place. After three winning years covering 2004-2006 — including an 11-2 record in 2005, which got them their only division title — P Funk had been horrible for most of the last half decade, until their recent 8-5 bounce back. Hopefully this is a sign that they've turned the corner and are ready to ascend again. Dragging up the historical rear has been Jedi Knights, who have been the second worst team overall in the history of the league. The good news is that Jedi have been outstanding the past two seasons, compiling an 18-7-1 record while capturing consecutive division titles. After eight straight years of losing records, Jedi Knights might have finally emerged from padawan status.

WEST WHITE: Hoke-A-Mania
This division mostly serves as a punching bag for Morrie’s Pogiboys. What else can it be when one team wins eight of ten division titles? The two bottom feeders here, Cameltoe and Ann Arbor Bamfers have only seven more regular season wins combined than Pogiboys do all by themselves (95 to 88). Forget division titles, Bamfers and Cameltoe have only had five winning seasons between the two of them. Each of them can "boast" decade long winning percentages in the sub 39% area and both have been pretty bad year after year. Of course, Ann Arbor Bamfers slid into the playoffs this season despite scoring the league’s lowest PF so all sorts of crazy things happen. And it should be noted that Cameltoe did have a nice 9-4, 8-5, 9-4 stretch in 2007-2009, but that’s been it for franchise highlights. I don’t even want to know how many playoff appearances these two teams have combined. One? Two?

The other team in this division, Hungry Hungry Ouroboros, formerly Thundercats, feature a sterling fifth best regular season winning percentage, three Super Bowl appearances, and a title from 2011. But all of that was under old ownership. Since 2012 they’ve pooped out consecutive 5-8 records and it seems like despite being nominally in the playoff hunt, they are mostly only marginally competitive due to being in a very weak division. Fun fact: One thing this division loves to do is get into tie games. They have had an astonishing eleven ties, whereas the next closest division only has four total. I guess it’s true: nobody wants to win anything in Hoke-A-Mania!

EAST BLUE: The Wood
Is this another case of a juggernaut towering over the rest of his division mates? 100 Acre Pooh Bears has ruled The Wood with a honey coated fist for many years, dominating to the tune of seven division titles. They’ve also won championships in 2006 and 2013, had eight winning seasons, and only suffered a few down years (aka "The Great Pooh Hibernation of 2008-9"). Interestingly, this division hasn’t had all doormats for Pooh Bears to step on — unlike Pogiboys in Hoke-A-Mania. While Italion Stallionz, Fockers, and Squirtle Squad have all compiled winning percentages slightly below average, they aren’t terrible. In fact, Squirtle Squad, who has the lowest decade long win percentage for this division, has been to an equal number of Super Bowls (three) as Pooh Bears and have also tied them for rings won. Until this past season when Pooh Bears won it all, it could have been argued that Squirtles were the class of the division over the past decade even though they only won two division titles. They’ve certainly been just as dangerous of a team when they get into the post-season.

Porta took over a franchise coming off four straight losing seasons and immediately righted the ship with a 9-4 2012 campaign. Even though his Italian Stallionz slipped to 6-7 this past year, that record helped The Wood turn in a season that featured them as the most competitive division in Maize in Blue -- with three teams with winning records, and the one win away from 0.500 Stallionz. As for *Fockers formerly Human Amoebas, they can boast of one division title, although it was “earned” from a 5-8 season in 2008. A 5-8 division winner, that’s just embarrassing! They barely missed the playoffs this past season, due to a tie-breaker, but their co-owners assure everyone that they’ll be back in competition next year. Tidbit: Aside from Pooh Bears, none of the other teams here have chalked up a double digit win season. Also, this division used to be called “7 Championship Drive” so clearly there were four championships that came before 2004 I don't have the historical data for.

EAST GOLD: Lebowski Achievers
After going 2-10-1 in 2009, Mandalorian Warriors have increased their win total in each of the last four years and are now in the enviable position of defending their perch atop Lebowski Achievers with an ultra strong team. Warriors have won five division titles during their reign, with three of them in a row, and the meter's still running. Traditionally, the Warriors have had pairs of down seasons sandwiched by a string of successful ones. If that holds true, a two or three win season is coming for them in 2014! Nipping right at the Warriors' heels for regular season wins is Detroit Players, who are the only back-to-back champions from the past decade. Despite only winning two division titles (2004, 2008), Detroit Players has put up some gaudy win seasons and looks to be recovered from a nasty bout of losing campaigns from 2010-12. They made the playoffs this past season and could be ready to make a return to their winning ways.

Wayne State Tartars came aboard in 2006, slumped to 2-11 in 2007, had a brief string of success, and have now plummeted to three straight four win seasons. They captured a division title in 2009 but that seems like a long time ago. They’ve been the losing-est team in Lebowski Achievers and has had to contend with two very successful teams, plus Dunder Mifflin Paper Company, which is the closest squad to playing straight 0.500 ball in Maize and Blue history. DM Paper Company, throughout all its name changes, has a ten year record of 64-65-1. That’s incredible! It’s no surprise that they’re the eighth ranked winning percentage team, as they've been perfectly average. Their one shot at glory, a league leading 11-2 season in 2010, was upended by Squirtle Squad in the Conference Finals. After three winning seasons, DM Paper Company dipped to 4-9 this past season but history indicates that they'll climb out of their hole, albeit slowly.

[Note: WS Tartars had a change in ownership recently and are now Sweep The Leg Zabka. Additionally, DM Paper Company rebranded to become the Shoguns of Harlem.]