Super Bowl VIII

Vowing to make himself a return trip to the Super Bowl after narrowly losing out last season, Matt pulled out all the stops to get his Mandalorian Warriors ready for the 2012 season. He traded for Drew Brees. He traded for Roddy White. He sacrificed chickens to Jobu. He dedicated every Sunday to the NFL. He offered to donate his winnings, and keepers, to the lesser Maize and Blue teams. He just wanted a championship.

Things weren't looking good for Matt's team as the playoffs started. Despite going 10-3 and having one of the best records in the league, the Warriors were working without LeSean McCoy, Rob Gronkowski, and Jordy Nelson. That left the Warriors scrambling to use their depth. Owen Daniels anyone? After dispatching the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company in RD1, the Warriors faced a rough matchup against the streaking Pooh Bears team. With grit -- and a lot of Brees -- the Warriors went over that hurdle and managed to make their way back to the championship game. We can only imagine how nervous Matt was as he experienced a sense of deja vu. Could he take the final step toward glory when last year he came up short?

The Warriors opponent would be Oliver's Another Bad Creation, who had basically waltzed into the championship game by making the Ann Arbor Bamfers disappear, almost doubling the Bamfers' score and winning by 47 points. Led by Aaron Rodgers, Marshawn Lynch, and Andre Johnson, Oliver's team certainly had the horses to upset the Warriors, and Oliver himself also had the decided edge in championship experience, as he's won titles in recent years (2004, 2009). Grabbing another title would certainly put Oliver into the discussion for best Maize and Blue team ever. Over the past five years, ABC has a 71.9% regular season winning percentage, tops in the league -- by a wide margin.

Heading into WK16, ABC made no lineup changes while Mandalorian subbed out Brandon Gibson for LeSean McCoy, a huge boost. The Warriors got off to a huge start Saturday night, behind Roddy White's 150+ yards and two TDs. Still, Matt was restrained in his enthusiasm, saying that there's "a lot of football left." All season long, Matt hasn't wanted to jinx himself by over-celebrating, and that has led to mandated quiet times in Mandalorian Stadium, even as the team has racked up the points and broke records. "Restraint" was standard celebrating procedure for the Warriors. Instead of cheering, an eerie silence was often the way fans paid respect to their team.

For ABC, Aaron Rodgers went four touchdowns crazy, and he had Marshawn Lynch churning right alongside him. The two combined for 56 points, making this sort of a game. However, Andre Johnson, Vincent Jackson, and Martellus Bennett all failed to score, giving the ABC passing attack little teeth. Even with a surprising huge day from Chargers defense, Another Bad Creation was swamped by Sunday afternoon. The final score was closer than the game appeared. (Would Reggie Bush for Darren McFadden have won ABC the game? Yes, but there are no what ifs in fantasy football. Oh wait, sure there are! Bush for McFadden...)

As for the Warriors, a large exhale was heard all over the Midwest as Drew Brees put up 29 points of his own, and every other starter -- save Owen Daniels -- had double digits on the way to an incredible 132 points. The vaunted Bears defense finally came up huge again, as they had two defensive touchdowns on the way to 26 points. In the end however, it was Brees and White, the two newest stars of the Mandalorian Warrior galaxy, that pushed Matt to a first championship. Congratulatons!

Some say that the Warriors mortgaged everything on the 2012 season -- they have no picks in the first three rounds until 2016, and no first round pick until 2019 -- but that's what it's about about right? Championships! We love it when people go all in and the Warriors showed how it should be done this season. GM Matt skillfully constructed a roster that is now the envy of the league, owner Matt opened up the pocket book to sign all those players, and coach Matt led the Warriors the rest of the way. Now the fans on their home planet of Manda'yaim can cheer and celebrate as they've proven themselves on the field. Their little Mandalorian warrior hearts can burst in joy from a season to remember and a huge goal accomplished. *insert battle cry*

"In five millennia, the Mandalorians fought with and against a thousand armies on a thousand worlds. They learned to speak as many languages and absorbed weapons technology and tactics from every war. And yet, despite the overwhelming influence of alien cultures, and the absence of a true homeworld and even species, their own language not only survived but changed little, their way of life and their philosophy remained untouched, and their ideals and sense of family, of identity, of nation, were only strengthened."
-Mandalorians: Identity and Language-

Clash of the Titans

There's been some talk that one conference is stronger than the other. It'd be hard for any logical analyst to argue differently. There's a chance that this week's conference finals is "the real Super Bowl," as J's Pooh Bears and Matt's Mandalorian Warriors are the cream of the crop teams this year. Let's take a closer look at their big matchup this week shall we?

QB: It's Killer Cam versus Drew Brees. After trading for Brees right before the draft, this is when Mr. New Orleans will most have to come through. Cam Newton has scored 37, 28 and 36 points in recent weeks, and he's going up against a porous San Diego defense. Brees has totaled 35 points during that same span, with a four point clunker in WK13. While this should be the marquee matchup, it's clear that Newton will dominate. EDGE: Pooh Bears

RB: The Pooh Bears have an enviable run game, as Ray Rice and Doug Martin are arguably the best pair of RBs in the league. Ray Ray has suffered a hip contusion last week but he's pretty much a lock for mid-double digits. The rookie Muscle Hamster won't get near his 51 point day from November, but he's been consistent with double digits in eight of his last nine games. We're looking at least 30+ points combined for Rice and Martin. The Warriors are down LeSean McCoy and will be forced to run-and-shoot with Steven Jackson as the lone back. Jackson is far removed from his heyday but he'll get in the low teens. Still, the Pooh Bears will hammer away with an enviable rushing attack. EDGE: Pooh Bears

WR: Where the Warriors will make up ground is through the air, with Roddy White and Brandon Marshall each capable of 20+ point efforts. Third receiver Brandon Gibson has been hot too, averaging 14 points during his last two outings. For the Pooh Bears, Miles Austin and Antonio Brown both lack the explosiveness that could challenge the Warriors' defensive backfield. Still, if they can sneak into double digits, it'll be enough to keep the Warriors at bay. EDGE: Mandalorian Warriors

TE: Where art thou Jimmy Graham? He's had 8, 3, 5, 5 points over the past month, and that is pretty poor for a top teir tight end. Luckily, the Warriors are counting on Owen Daniels, who has suffered from the same malady over the past month, scoring only 19 points combined over his last four games. EDGE: None

K/DEF: Stephen Gostkowski and Matt Prater are mostly a wash, with a slight edge going to Prater as he's been 12+ points in three of his last five games. Gostkowski can match those numbers too though, so there's not much advantage in the kicking game for either team. Earlier this season, the Bears defense was making life impossible for opposing offenses, as they continually racked up huge numbers. Of late however, they've gone cold, with only one double digit showing, and even a -2 in WK11 versus San Francisco. Facing Aaron Rodgers, it's unlikely the Bears will find a big week. The Pooh Bears' Dolphins defense isn't anything to rave about, as they're more likely to score five points or so. Kickers and defenses are hard to predict but we'll give a slight edge to the Warriors' slightly better pairing. EDGE: Mandalorian Warriors

Overall the Pooh Bears have scored 100+ in their last three games, while the Warriors have been hampered by injuries and been putting up high 80s scores. Unless Cam Newton completely collapses, the Pooh Bears are the heavy favorites here. Get the 100 Acre Wood ready for a parade, it could be coming through in two weeks!

Playoffs: RD1 Recaps

Wow! Last week we predicted some close games but this was madness. Let's dispense with the blowouts. First, the Italian Stallionz posed no threat to powerhouse Pooh Bears, despite a late MNF flurry from Tom Brady and Stevan Ridley. J's team had Cam Newton and Seahawks defense combine for 77 points, which just means great coaching from the Pooh Bears staff. They were celebrating by halftime. The other favorite, Mandalorian Warriors, took out Dunder Mifflin Paper Company with a workmanlike 88 points, placing six players in double figures.

Heading into MNF, the Pogiboys were hoping to make a comeback against Another Bad Creation. Down just a handful of points -- partially due to a negative seven from ABC's Cardinals defense -- it was Aaron Hernandez versus Andre Johnson, respectively. With the GroupMe lit up with reverse jinxes, Hernandez started piling up TDs. A slim ABC lead was evaporating as the Pogiboys gained momentum and hope. Johnson ended up with a fine 97 yards, but no scores, while Hernandez nabbed two touchdowns. In the end however, it just wasn't enough, as the Pogiboys went down 84-86, to their longtime post-season nemesis. Maybe next year Alvin!

Over on the other side, the Jedi Knights just needed a few points from Wes Welker and Patriots defense to fend off a pesky Ann Arbor Bamfers squad. However, the points just weren't coming. The defense was doing their part, keeping Houston bottled up on the scoreboard, but there weren't a lot of other things happening. Wes Welker was a disappointment. Welker eclipsed 100+ total yards -- but half of those were on kick returns. Too bad, so sad. We told you that this would be a tight game and we were right, as the Jedi Knights were knocked off by the lowly 5-8 Ann Arbor Bamfers -- who featured zeroes from Golden Tate as well as Brent Celek! Victory formation indeed.

Conference Finals:

• Mandalorian Warriors (10-3) vs 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (10-3)
• Another Bad Creation (7-5-1) vs Ann Arbor Bamfers (5-8)

Playoffs: RD 1 Previews

Jedi Knights (10-2-1) vs Ann Arbor Bamfers (5-8)
By sneaking into the playoffs with a losing record, Randy's Bamfers have the opportunity to get a huge upset. Are the Jedi Knights quavering in their boots? Not likely, as they have a cool headed Peyton Manning leading the way. Unfortunately, Peyton only scooped up 14 points on Thursday, leaving the door open for younger brother Eli -- captain of the Bamfers -- to engineer a sibling take down. The Bamfers have the stronger ground game too, with Frank Gore and C.J. Spiller leading the way (versus Alfred Morris and Alex Green). However, the Jedis have the superior aerial attack, with Wes Welker and Marques Colston both capable of big games. Overall, the Bamfers haven't gotten more than 77+ points since WK7 while the Jedis haven't lost since WK6. Prediction: Jedi Knights squeezes by in a close first round game.

100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (10-3) vs Italian Stallionz (9-4)
This is the game of the week, featuring the streaking Pooh Bears versus a Stallionz team that has scored 94 points in back-to-back weeks, but that resulted in two losses. Heck, just two weeks ago, J dusted Porta to the tune of 112-94. Will this be the Stallionz time to avenge that loss? The talent is certainly there, as Tom Brady, Stevan Ridley, Reggie Wayne, Demaryius Thomas, and Tony Gonzalez all pretty much all consistent double figure scorers. The problem is, the Cam Newton to Dez Bryant connection has been lethal for the Pooh Bears, and J's team has won seven games in a row, with their two most recent weeks coming in at a 106 point average. Prediction: Pooh Bears are the favorites to take the 2012 Maize and Blue crown. A tough matchup shouldn't slow them down.

Mandalorian Warriors (10-3) vs Dunder Mifflin Paper Company (8-5)
After a dominating regular season, Matt's Warriors are limping a bit into the playoffs, after only scoring 46 points in a loss to Wayne State Tartars in WK13. Mike's Paper Company has been very consistent through the back half of the season, so if the Warriors stumble at all, they could be in for a short post-season run. Losing LeSean McCoy and Rob Gronkowski for the playoffs -- plus an injured Jordy Nelson really hurts the Warriors' all in strategy, but Drew Brees and Roddy White can't possibly have two straight horrible weeks. Can they? If Matt had known he'd be starting Brandon Gibson for a crucial game at flanker three months ago, he might have fainted. For Dunder Mifflin, Tony Romo has been on fire and he'll have Arian Foster and Chris Johnson to balance the attack. Prediction: Upset city. Just kidding Matt! Maybe?

Another Bad Creation (7-5-1) vs MoRRie's Pogiboys (7-4-2)
Back in WK8, these two squads played to a 65-65 standstill. So let's consider this the extra periods to determine who's should have win then. The Pogiboys actually haven't lost since that matchup, and they don't fear anyone with Megatron on-board. However, Josh Freeman has been slumping, and there might not be another double digit scorer aside from rookie Trent Richardson. Luckily, Oliver's team has ice cold Vincent Jackson, up and down Andre Johnson, and franchise QB Aaron Rodgers going through a weak couple of weekends. Basically, both owners will be paying extra close attention to the Detroit-Minnesota matchup this weekend, as Alvin has Calvin Johnson, Mikel Leshoure, and Jason Hanson on his roster. Prediction: Alvin hasn't faced a 100+ point opponent all season, and they are coming off their lone century game from last weekend. That spiritual boost will give them an easy win versus an erratic ABC, who have scored 107-51-111-69-65 in recent weeks.

2012 Final Power Rankings

Playoff Teams

1. Jedi Knights (10-2-1) - Ba Donka Donk Division Champion. Best overall record.
2. Mandalorian Warriors (10-3) - Lebowski Division Champion. Wins H2H vs Pooh Bears.
3. 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (10-3) - The Wood Division Champion.
4. Italian Stallionz (9-4) - Next best overall record.
5. Dunder Mifflin Paper Company (8-5) - Next best overall record. Wins tiebreak vs Pogiboys via Total Points For.
6. MoRRie's Pogiboys (7-4-2) - Voltron Division Champion. Next best overall record.
7. Another Bad Creation (7-5-1) - Next Best overall record.
8. Ann Arbor Bamfers (5-8) - Next best overall record. Wins tiebreak vs Ouroboros via H2H.

Non-Playoff Teams

1. Human Amoebas (6-7) - Next best overall record.
2. Detroit Players (5-8) - Next best overall record. Wins tiebreak vs Ouroboros and Squirtle via Total Points For.
3. Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (5-8) - Next best overall record. Wins tiebreak vs Squirtle via Total Points For.
4. Squirtle Squad (5-8) - Next best overall record.
5. Wayne State Tartars (4-8-1) - Next best overall record. Wins tiebreak over Cameltoe via Total Points For.
6. Team Cameltoe (4-8-1) - Next best overall record.
7. Rhythm Drive (4-9) - Next best overall record.
8. P Funk All Stars (2-11) - Next best overall record.

2012 Standings

Playoff Picture

Here we go, one week in the regular season left and while seven of the eight playoff spots are determined, there's still a lot to play for all around! Who will win the regular season crown? Who will face who in the first round? All these and more, as we take a quick look at the playoff picture!

Western Conference
After winning -- or tying -- their last six games, and only suffering two losses on the season, this has been a breakthrough year for the Jedi Knights (9-2-1). The Ba-Donka-Donk division is theirs, along with a #1 seed in the Western Conference. They have an outside shot at getting the regular season wins crown if they can take out Rhythm Drive this weekend.

MoRRie's Pogiboys (6-4-2) have clinched the Tcats division title on the strength of a five game non-losing streak. Yes, we must use "non-losing" because they've had two ties and three wins since a WK7 loss. As recently as a month ago, they were trailing in their division. Alvin is just cooling his heels, waiting for his first round playoff game. Oh and maybe a few sleepless nights too eh? Congratulations Alvin!

Another Bad Creation (6-5-1) fought hard early on but faded a bit late, with a 2-2-1 record down the stretch pushing them out of the divisional title picture. No matter, they locked up a playoff spot and can have a week off to hang out.

As for that last spot in the Western Conference, it's a toss up between Hungry Hungry Ouroboros, Team Cameltoe, and possibly Ann Arbor Bamfers and Rhythm Drive. The Ouroboros have a one game lead so if they win they are in, but if it comes down to division records or PF, they could be threatened by Team Cameltoe's one tied game, or the Bamfers very close PF score. D-R-A-M-A.

Eastern Conference
We have our playoff teams here. Mandalorian Warriors (10-2) will take the Lebowski Achievers division regardless of WK13 results, so it's going to be a big week for Dunder Mifflin Paper Company (8-4), 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (9-3), and Italian Stallionz (9-3) to duke it out for positioning.

The Pooh Bears are on a six game win streak after starting off 3-3, and that has enabled them to vault to second highest PF team so far. A huge and shocking run as J's team is the hottest team in the league right now. Porta's Stallionz started off this season 5-0, but then had a four game win streak snapped last week by the Pooh Bears. That could have caused Porta to lose the division crown but we're pretty sure he's had a good week regardless as he put a ring on it. Congrats!

As for Dunder Mifflin Paper Company, they are currently the #4 seed due to being one game down from Pooh Bears and Stallionz, so they'd sure like a win to get out of facing Mandalorian Warriors in the first round. Or would they rather tank this game so that they can get a chance to topple the mighty Warriors? Ooohh.

Filling Some Needs

A blockbuster went down as 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears moved Ryan Mathews and Ryan Tannehill to Squirtle Squad for Miles Austin, Brandon Lloyd, and Russell Wilson.

With the emergence of Doug Martin, Mathews was no longer needed and the former number one draft pick has been on the trading block all week. Mathews has only been the 25th ranked RB this season, averaging 8.8 points per while missing the first two games of the season. Before getting injured during the pre-season, most prognosticators had him as a surefire first round pick. Obviously, it's been a tough year for him.

Meanwhile, Austin has been Squirtle Squad's third best player this season, and the Cowboys' leading receiver has been in the top dozen receivers so far, bouncing back from an injury plagued last couple of years. Austin is averaging 10.2 points, making J's goal of getting "a WR that gets me 8-10 points per week" complete. Adding Brandon Lloyd will help the Pooh Bears too, as Lloyd is capable of starting in place of Dez Bryant or Brandon LaFell should the need arise.

The exchange of rookie QBs Russell Wilson and Ryan Tannehill is mostly a wash, as Wilson will sit behind Cam Newton while Tannehill will duke it out with Christian Ponder to back up Michael Vick. Our analysts say this was a good trade for both sides as the Pooh Bears desperately needed a number one receiver, and had an extra running back to spare. The Squirtles will certainly miss Austin but red hot Randall Cobb is more than ready to step up. Brian bought low on Mathews and if he can bounce back in the next year or so, Mathews will make a nice RB pair with Adrian Peterson. A logical trade that helps everybody involved, just the kind we like!

• An original seventh round draft pick of the Ann Arbor Bamfers in 2009, Miles Austin was then picked up as a free agent by Squirtles' GM Brian. Austin promptly blew up for 250 yards and 2 TDs that week, pushing the Squirtles to their team best 132 points scored.
• Ryan Mathews was J's 2010 1.2 pick -- right after 1.1 Dez Bryant, also by Pooh Bears. The trade involved an exchange of 2010 RD1 picks and also 2011 RD2 and RD3. We took a brief look at it during our early round wheeling and dealing article -- ID#103 -- and gave it a big thumbs up.

Power of Grayskull

Here we go, for our fourth and final early season roundup, a look at the still unrenamed Deez Nuts / Tcats division. We're pretty sure this is the softest division in the league, but that means it's also the most competitive, as all teams are within one game of becoming the leader. Our pre-season look at the four teams' keepers noted how similarly talented each team was, and that has clearly played itself out so far this season. Who will emerge as the leader?

Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (4-4)
Our non-defending champions drastically overhauled their roster over their first off-season. After dropping their latest game on MNF, Jon's team is a middling 0.500, but that's still good enough for first place in a weak division. Matt Ryan has been having a breakout season, as he's averaging only a few less points than the man he replaced, Drew Brees. Both Mike Wallace and Eric Decker -- received in the Brees trade -- are top twenty receivers, and holdover Victor Cruz has proven he's no flash in the pan. What the Ouroboros don't have is a running game. Lead back Darren Sproles is serviceable but an upgrade would be nice. For now, this team will just look to pass their way to the post-season. There's no running back savior on the horizon. Oh wait, maybe there is with Rashad Jennings!

It's high time Heath Miller steps in for Antonio Gates, as the Charger has had only one good game this season. Also, the Ouroboros haven't scored over 100+ in any week  -- although they are steady and are the fifth highest PF team -- nor faced an opponent who has either. That's the definition of middle of the road right? Can the Ouroboros fend off their divisional challengers despite going seven weeks not knowing they had three unfilled roster slots? New owner Jon also committed tried to sneak in two kickers last week, resulting in an illegal roster. Nice!

Team Cameltoe (3-4-1)
A thrilling tie against the Jedi Knights last week has steadied the Cameltoe ship. After starting off 1-3, with some severe poundings -- they averaged only 42 points scored during their losses -- Felipe's team has bounced back strong. Shonn Greene has quietly been decent, putting up 10.5 points per game. He's the lone back in a run and shoot attack featuring Julio Jones, Jeremy Maclin, Jacob Tamme, and um, a rotating cast of cast-offs. Jeremy Kerley anyone? Jones is nearly a top ten receiver but the next best Bamfer WR, Maclin, doesn't appear until number thirty one in the position rankings.

The quarterback throwing all those passes hasn't been overly impressive either. It's been a combination of Jay Cutler with a dash of Mark Sanchez and that has been erratic as it sounds. The good news is that Felipe has the hottest kicker in the game, Lawrence Tynes, wearing his chain and that's worth 12.4 points per game. Overall, Team Cameltoe has been one of the lower scoring teams so far, but lately they have dug deep to grit their way to some wins and is challenging for the division title. We're not sure where this team is headed but if Felipe's faith in his squad has anything to do with it, his Cameltoes are only headed up.

MoRRie's Pogiboys (3-4-1)
Shockingly, WK8 featured two tie games! Behind Josh Freeman, Trent Richardson, and Jonathan Dwyer, the Pogiboys overcame two zero scores to tie Another Bad Creation. That leaves them nipping the heels of the teams above them, and while they haven't surpassed the century mark yet, only five points separates their PF and PA numbers, making each week a true battle. The good stuff: Josh Freeman is the tenth ranked quarterback, and has three straight weeks of 20+ points. And rookie Trent Richardson is more or less the real deal.

Now the bad: The main problem plaguing this team is that Calvin Johnson has been barely outperforming the other receivers on this team -- Danny Amendola, Nate Robinson, Michale Crabtree -- and isn't even averaging double digits. Tight end Aaron Hernandez has also been extremely injury plagued, and there's not a lot of TE help around. Richardson is also running alone, as Mikel Leshoure and Rashard Mendenhall have been non-factors. Despite all this, the Pogiboys are poised to carve out their own destiny this season. If Megatron can step up, Alvin's team will be ready to push hard in a wide open division.

Ann Arbor Bamfers (3-5)
Randy's team started off 0-4 before ripping off three wins recently. Are they ready to rise up or was it all an illusion? Their wins have come against teams that have scored only an average of 50 points. Still, wins are wins! The Bamfers have actually scored significantly more than the two teams ahead of them in the standings so that's a sign of upward mobility soon.

The engine powering this team is the pair of top ten running backs, Frank Gore and CJ Spiller. Spiller hasn't been on the field that much for the Bamfers but he will be now, assuming he stays healthy -- plus Fred Jackson is available. QB Eli Manning has been top ten quality, with the occasional big game, and WR James Jones has been a nice surprise. There's not a lot of depth after that though, as Randy has shuffled around between Anquan Boldin, Titus Young, and Lance Moore to find the right balance of receivers. Tight end Brent Celek started the season off well but has cooled considerably. The Bamfers are definitely better than their 0-4 start but where to now? Can they challenge for a spot in the playoffs? We say "Yes they can!"

The Dudes Abide

Here we go, a look at the Lebowski Achievers division, which features two of the top three teams in the league right now, according to win-loss record and Points For. Since our review of The Wood two weeks ago, the Lebowski Achievers have overtaken the most combined wins for division, sixteen to fifteen. Could they now be the strongest division in the land? Let's find out.

Mandalorian Warriors (6-1)
After seven weeks, we have our front runner. Matt's team is number one in points scored, a dreamy number two in points against -- just two points away from the easiest PA -- and on a four game winning streak that could threaten to extend all the way to the Super Bowl. They've gone over 100+ in three of their last four games, set the record for highest individual game, and worked their way to a roster that is the envy of all. Yes, I've run out of superlatives.

If you want to nitpick, it would be nice if LeSean McCoy broke fifteen points this season,  or if Steven Jackson could push past double digits more than once. Still, with Drew Brees airing it out to semi-recently acquired Roddy White, Jordy Nelson, Brandon Marshall, and Rob Gronkowski, is a ground game even needed? The only thing slowing down the Warriors now is time, as in "When is it time to start the playoffs?"

Dunder Mifflin Paper Company (5-2)
Even though the Warriors are top of the charts, they are followed closely behind by Mike's Paper Company. With a winning streak of three under their belts, the gang from Scranton is only one game out of the top spot. Of course, they've only cracked the century mark once so far this season and their three wins have come against opponents who scored only 59/avg against them.

Still, if you've got Arian Foster you've got enough apparently. Foster has been the best RB by far this season, never dipping below fourteen points and averaging a lovely 18.1 per game. And now Chris Johnson might be back from exile after two good showings, Paper Company might really start to get on a roll. The passing game has a top twenty WR in Dwayne Bowe and free agent Andre Roberts could be the third receiver this team needs. Vernon Davis and Malcolm Floyd have been serviceable but more was probably expected out of both. Fans would love to see an upgrade at quarterback, as Tony Romo is erratic at best.

Overall, Dunder Mifflin Paper Company is clearly going to be fighting hard for playoff contention and if Chris Johnson has truly re-emerged, this is a team on the rise and probably a real threat to the division title. This is still our sleeper pick for best team in the league...

Wayne State Tartars (3-4)
If there was an A for effort, we'd like to give the award out to Jay. He's been working the waiver wire, moving Roddy White for pieces, and overall plugged in fourteen non-DEF/ST players into his lineups. Despite a few lackluster poundings -- scoring only 49, 33, 41 points -- the Tartars are nearly 0.500. Not bad right?

When Carson Palmer and Matt Schaub didn't prove to be the answer, Roddy White was moved out for Ben Roethlisberger (and Santonio Holmes). That will help the bleeding at QB. We like it when owners take swift action. Receivers Torrey Smith and Steve Johnson "lead" this team but they are barely ranked in the top thirty at their positions. And now franchise RB Maurice Jones-Drew is out, possibly for a few weeks, leaving the running attack in the capable hands of Jackie Battle and um, Lamar Miller?

We want to say there are optimistic things ahead for Jay-Z's team, but we see a swift fall to the bottom of the division unless Big Ben can resurrect an entire team. Can you start to rebuild when you're still in mathematical contention?

Detroit Players (2-5)
We don't understand how a team with Robert Griffin III and A.J. Green can be doing so bad. I mean, rookie Griffin is the third best player in all of fantasy! Oh wait, Ariel's team has faced the toughest schedule in the league. The Players' seven opponents have averaged 97.6 points per game against them (plus nobody has put up less than 86 points yet). Ouch. Hard to win games like that right?

The good news is that RG3 is on board! Plus Green is the top ranked receiver with 14.7 points per game, and Hakeem Nicks is rounding into shape while Mike Williams is a fine third receiver. Sadly, Steve Smith is R.I.P., as he's yet to score a TD this season. Kyle Rudolph is a no name but he's been the sixth ranked TE so far this season -- now that he's finally replaced Dennis Pitta.

The major question facing Ariel is who will be manning the running back position. DeMarco Murray is hardly healthy enough to carry the load and desperation plug-ins Vick Ballard and Ryan Williams haven't fared much better. Oh and it's definitely time to give up on the Packers defense, as they're ranked just barely in the top twenty and there are a few free agent defenses better than them right now. It's time to let Charles Woodson go...

Overall, the Players aren't killing themselves, as the hard schedule is what's destroying them, but neither are they able to get enough points on the board to challenge for consistent wins. If Ariel can fill a huge hole at running back, this team could have a chance.

Deep in the Forest

Time to focus on The Woods Division. These four teams currently have thirteen wins between them -- three more than any other division -- and are home to many past champions, seven if my sources are correct. They are part of the super strong Eastern Conference and each team received high marks during our keeper core analysis. Let's see how that's panned out for them so far.

Italian Stallionz (5-0)
The remaining undefeated team left, Porta's Stallionz are running roughshod over the league this year. They've done this despite going over the century mark just once -- WK5's 128-66 win. Some would argue that it's been their league leading easy schedule that has allowed them to rise to the top, but we'd say it's the sure hand of their coach and GM.

Even though they have been more than active on the free agent market, Porta has utilized only seven players this season. Tom Brady hasn't been stellar but is still a top five QB averaging just a shade under twenty points per game. He's had Tony Gonzalez, Reggie Wayne, Percy Harvin, and Demaryius Thomas to toss the rock to. Gonzalez and Wayne are the top ranked players at their position -- although Wayne has been on the bench of late -- and Harvin and Thomas are top twelve WR options. Heck, Brian Hartline is the number ten ranked wide and he hasn't even made an in-game apperance for the Stallionz yet.

The real triumph of this team is in the backfield, where Jamaal Charles and Stevan Ridley have combined for 31 points per game and are currently both top five running backs. Porta may have had an easy schedule but he's also the second highest scoring team in the league -- after Mandalorian Warriors -- and hasn't dipped below eighty eight points except for once in WK2. We got a leading contender here, viva mozzarella!

100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (3-2)
After shooting out to a great start, J's team has dumped two straight games. Of course, those two matchups have been against the best two teams in the league, and they got blasted with an average of 143 points during those games. After that onslaught, it makes sense that the Pooh Bears are reeling a little bit.

Franchise quarterback Cam Newton will use his bye week to recover from an erratic start to his season. Can the sophomore find consistency? The good news is that Ray Rice has been just as good as advertised, as he's performed as a top three back. The problem is that neither Ryan Mathews nor Doug Martin have really stepped up alongside Rice. Martin could be fading into a time share and Mathews is still getting into the swing of things.

A bigger issue is the lack of receivers on this team. Antonio Brown leads the way here but he's only had one game in double digits. Dez Bryant, Kendall Wright, and Jerome Simpson haven't been good either, although Bryant could be coming on. In addition, TE Jimmy Graham has been a little hit and miss, and he needs to fulfill his dynamic potential. As for the kicking game? Mason Crosby might need to go, as he averages six points a game, which is less than half the amount of the kicking leaders. Overall, the Pooh Bears may need a good kick in the ass to get their team trending upward again. Or just avoid being on the wrong side of Maize and Blue history, that would be a nice start.

Human Amoebas (3-2)
Nipping right at the Pooh Bears' heels is Human Amoebas, who have been undefeated since bringing on their co-owner. Matthew Stafford couldn't hold off Andrew Luck any longer and the sterling rookie produced his best game of the season in his first start for the Amoebas. Is Stafford now on the trading block?

While the Amoebas have put up over 80+ points per game during their two game win streak, their opponents have put up only 65 each time. Are Eric and Hong winning by smoke and mirrors? Their roster is certainly lacking in star power. The three headed "monster" of Ahmad Bradshaw, Michael Bush, and DeAngelo Williams haven't struck fear into too many defensive coordinators hearts but they've been serviceable. Bradshaw has even been a top fifteen RB so far.

The same story goes for the receiving corps. DeSean Jackson is his usual boom or bust self, and Pierre Garcon has faded badly after a nice start to his season. Third receiver, and keeper selection, Jon Baldwin has been a virtual non-factor. Heck, Fred Davis has barely been an employable tight end, yet this team just wins baby! It must be due to their stellar Texans defense, which is ranked number two. The Amoebas truly are stronger than the sum of its parts, and with some luck and more Luck, they'll continue to challenge for a post-season spot.

Squirtle Squad (2-3)
The mighty Squirtles have won the championship many times, so it's never safe to discount them. However, these are dark times. Aside from the bottom feeding P Funk All Stars, Brian's team is the lowest scoring team in the league. The problem starts up top with Michael Vick, who has been mostly frustrating. RB Adrian Peterson isn't a top back currently but he's been as good as could be expected after a quick return from ACL surgery. He should only trend upwards as the knee strengthens. We have been enjoying Miles Austin's consistency so far, as he's the only receiver to have achieved double digits in all of his appearances this season.

The Squirtles suffer from some depth problems though. Brandon Lloyd has been just south of okay, while Jermichael Finley, Randall Cobb, Denarius Moore, and someone named T.Y. Hilton are taking turns trying to catch the ball. Cobb could be nice with Greg Jennings out, and Moore is flashing encouraging signs. If they both step up, this team could be on the way up. All in all, the Squirtles are only one game out of second place so they are hardly out of the post-season competition.

Always active on the waiver wire, some other owners have revealed that they use GM Brian's free agent moves to grab players for their other leagues. That's respect.

Almost Another Record

Heading into MNF, the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company needed two points to tie their opponent, Wayne State Tartars. The score? 27-29 in favor of the Tartars. After a twenty two outburst by Arian Foster, the Paper Company emerged with a resounding 49-33 victory.

I have no idea how the Tartars got four extra points, just like I am disappointed the game crept into semi-respectable scoring range, as I was excited for a lowest total score ever challenge. I mean, I really wanted to see a game with both opponents under thirty. Didn't you?

Congrats to Mike for the big win, moving him up to second place in Lebowski Achievers division. It's not often you put up a zero, a negative two, a negative five, and still win. No booing, please no booing.

Shake It, Shake It

It's only four games in but if you're counting at home, that's already 25% of the regular season gone.  Let's take a look at some individual divisions shall we, just in time for the schedule to turn into some division fights!  The entire Ba-Donka-Donk division won last week -- against the still yet to be renamed TCats division -- giving them highlight honors.

Jedi Knights (3-1)
After squeaking out a 93-91 victory last week versus the Ann Arbor Bamfers, Chris is riding high.  In fact, his only defeat has come at the hands of the 4-0 Italian Stallionz, and the Knights roster is barely rounding into form. Both Andy Dalton and Peyton Manning are currently top ten QBs, after a shaky start of the season for each. Who will be the starter moving forward?

That Alfred Morris trade has secured the backfield and given the Knights a rushing attack they've never had before.  Morris is currently the fifth ranked RB.  What the Knights do need is some receivers to step up.  Wes Welker and Marques Colston have been early season disappointments, although signs point to them hitting their stride soon.  TE Jermaine Gresham has been average, but that was perhaps expected.  There is a bit of a hole at second running back -- unless you think Jacquizz Rodgers is the answer -- but maybe recent waiver wire addition Joique Bell (replacing Kevin Smith) can fit the bill. Yo GM Chris, kicker Dan Bailey has got to go! He's literally the worst starting K in Maize and Blue right now.  I got a song for you: right here.

We see many more wins ahead for Jedi Knights, even though they've only gone over 90+ points once, as they have lots of upside to explore with the QBs and WRs finding their footing. If the Knights can hold off Another Bad Creation this week, they'll have a nice two game lead.

Another Bad Creation (2-2)
A few weeks ago, ABC was winless and headed toward a disapponting season.  With such a great keeper core, we expected more! Well, after back to back 90+ scoring weeks and two wins, Oliver's team is trending up.  Would you believe that up till now, Ryan Fitzpatrick is outscoring Aaron Rodgers?  Not that Fitzy has played a game for ABC, but that's shocking right?  Rodgers is out of his early season slump though, and will soon re-ascend his throne.

Rodgers is throwing to a nice group of receivers too, as Vincent Jackson, Andre Johnson, and free agent find Martellus Bennett have all contributed steadily.  (Finding Bennett has allowed management to dump top ranked TE, Heath Miller.)  Even free agent receiver Andrew Hawkins could slide in for some games too, he's been that good.  ABC has two running backs in the top ten but Reggie Bush is a bit of a mirage as he's ranked high based on a thirty one point outburst in WK2 -- which he was on the bench for.  Lead back Marshawn Lynch has been his normal bruising self, and if hot-and-cold Darren McFadden and plodder Cedric Benson could combine into one back, that would be perfect.

This week is a big matchup with division leader Jedi Knights so we could see some blood and fireworks. As a team that has steady scoring each week -- three games between 80 and 90 points -- we see ABC ramping up for a strong mid-season push.

Rhythm Drive (2-2)
This team escaped WK1 with a one point win and then got pummeled two weeks in a row. Reno's team bounced back though, with a 90 point showing last weekend, to steady the ship. The big question hanging over Rhythm Drive is if the real Philip Rivers is ever coming back? He's had one 20+ point game, two mid-teens ones, and one stinker. He's so far down the QB rankings that I don't even wanna count. There are also two more slots dedicated to QBs here, with Matt Flynn and Nick Foles on-board, but neither are starting for their NFL teams. Should Rhythm Drive start thinking about replacing Rivers?

The good news is that Michael Turner and Willis McGahee are pretty steady. Injury plagued Matt Forte has been mostly useless but if he can return to form, this will be a nice three back rotation. WR Larry Fitzgerald is holding it down all by himself as Greg Jennings has broken double digits only once and there's not another receiver contributing much of anything. Marcedes Lewis, Coby Fleener, and Santana Moss have put up only twenty five points total for Rhythm Drive. Also, it may be time to look at replacing the Giants defense, who have only posted 3+ points once this season. Actually, yes, it's definitely time to replace them.

It's hard to tell where this team will go, but we know that Rivers will probably be the player that drags them up or down in the standings. With three good running backs and some holes in the receiver department, do we smell a trade coming? Pretty please?

P Funk All Stars (1-3)
After a lot of teasing and potshots lobbed by the national Maize and Blue media, P Funk All Stars got angry and threw up 82 points on their way to a huge first win. After scoring below fifty in each of their three weeks, this is a nice step forward. For posterity, let it be recorded that MoRRie's Boys was overconfident and played without their defense.  Paolo's team showed Alvin the importance of having men on the field when his 49ers defense went out and dropped 28 points. Take that, take that!

While we have a strong suspicion Paolo isn't paying attention -- he's got real life obligations that go above and beyond fantasy sports (I know, hard to imagine) -- we'd rather pretend that he believed so much in Brian Quick that he left him in there. So far MVP candidate Quick has had four targets and one reception, totaling one whole point for the season. It's no surprise P Funk is the lowest scoring team in the league. What might be funnier is that they are only seven points behind Team Cameltoe in points scored. Watch out Felipe, he's coming for you!

Not much has changed since we covered this team two weeks ago in our 0-2 teams column. Joe Flacco has heated up even more and there's likely no need for both Alex Smith and Sam Bradford on this roster.  TE Greg Olsen sealed last week's win with 89 yards and a TD so he'll likely be canonized by relieved All Stars fans soon. There's not a whole lot else going on here though. Rookie receiver Justin Blackmon isn't ready yet, Isaac Redman is headed back to the bench with Rashard Mendenhall returning, and the two headed monster of Pierre Thomas and Mark Ingram just isn't working out. The other receiver is Michael Floyd, who has scored only four points total this season for P Funk, embarrassing if he wasn't starting next to Quick.

We want to give an extreme makeover for this team, like right now. Just give us the password Paolo, we'll make some moves for you. (But most importantly, congrats to the new addition to your real life roster!)

Record Breaker!

After some extensive research by our experts, it's been determined that Mandalorian Warriors set a new high this past weekend.  158 points!  Having already secured a victory against 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears heading into MNF, Matt decided to step it up a notch and really put the fear into his opponents.  His Bears defense went out and intercepted Tony Romo five times, and scored two defensive touchdowns, totaling 24 points and pushing Mandalorian Warriors to the record.

Taking a closer look at this awesome achievement, we see that three players topped 20+, everyone went over double digits, including kicker Matt Prater who dropped in a cool sixteen.  Drew Brees had 446 passing yards with 3 TDs while Falcons' hero Roddy White tossed up 169 yards and 2 TDs of his own.  In fact, the only player who didn't score a touchdown was LeSean McCoy, a fact he was bitter about post-victory.  And it's not like there were a lot of points on the bench either, as Matt made all the right moves to hit a record day.

And while we're here, let it be noted that Mandalorian Warriors broke their own record, as they had 146 points in 2007 versus the Detroit Players.  If they want to put up 145 this season, they can own all top three spots on the individual game scoring charts. Let's not put it past them, as this team is clearly a juggernaut after a recent trade for Roddy White.

Lest the celebration get out of hand, Coach Fett had this to say at today's Q&A: "All this proves is that the professionals on this roster got the memo that last week's embarrassment was not acceptable.  Do they give out championships after four weeks now?  No?  Fine.  We have a huge divisional game this weekend, a division in which we are 0-1, I might add. This program has no rearview mirror." Clearly this franchise is looking for bigger things than just regular season records. Still, a big hand and super congrats for an jaw dropping week!

Some interesting notes from our research team, aka Matt. See the entire spreadsheet here.

A history going back through the 2004 season of scores over 120 points.  Of course I may have missed something, as I compiled this manually.  The tabs just show different sort orders, and counts by franchise.  Of note:

• The 130 point mark was breached only 10 times.  At 8 games a week, 16 weeks a season for 8.25 seasons comes to over 1000 games.
• In only 3 cases did a team score more than 120 during the playoffs, but only one of those counted (Players in 2007, 131-62 over Pooh Bears in Playoffs round 1).
• In week 3 of 2007, the Pooh Bears beat the Amoebas, 121-120, the only time both teams reach the 120 point threshold.
• The Pooh Bears and Players have the most games > 120 at 4, followed by the Warriors and Lunatics at 3.  I didn't consolidate any teams that changed names, so these counts may be off.
• The Jedi Knights have had the most > 120 games played against them with 5.  The Pooh Bears also have been on the wrong end 4 times, the Players, 3.  Ditto about consolidating names.

The Case for PPR

Let's talk about PPR.  If you don't know what PPR stands for, get out!  I'm an advocate of PPR because it gives receivers a bump in value.  Why bump WRs in value you say?  Aren't they already 8 of the top 20 players on the combined RB/WR/TE charts?  And a very nicely distributed 14 out of the top 30 if you go even further?  All of these thing are true.

However, out of the top fifteen slots, only three are WRs. This isn't a huge problem because RBs have traditionally been more important than WRs but the traditional fantasy scoring system severely undervalues the contributions of the modern day wideout. Below are some reasons to go PPR.

1) Separation between average and franchise caliber receivers
My argument pro-PPR is that the difference between an average wide receiver and a franchise level one is not very large.  There are currently seventeen WRs who average over ten points per game.  At the bottom are names like Kevin Ogletree and Nate Washington, who both average exactly 10.0 points per game.  At the top of the charts is AJ Green and Calvin Johnson, who both average 14.0+ points per game.  That is not a very wide gap.  Four points is a fumble and an interception.

Let's take a closer look:

• #1 AJ Green (14.3 pts) - 21 receptions
• #2 Calvin Johnson (14.0 pts) - 24 receptions
• #16 Kevin Ogletree (10.0 pts) - 14 receptions
• #17 Nate Washington (10.0 pts) - 7 receptions

The main difference between a top receiver and a flash in the pan receiver is usage.  Green and Johnson will consistently be targeted 12+ times a game and catch about 8 of those. Ogletree had one eight reception game in WK1 and then only six receptions in the two games following. Nate Washington is a deep threat so he catches about two balls a game -- with greater yardage averages -- but his point total is also buoyed by two TDs this season.

Low to middling receivers won't have the ball thrown to them as often as the better ones, why ignore that fact?

2) Make WR/TE better than Ks
Currently, there are eleven kickers that average over ten points a game.  That means, most weeks, my kicker will have more impact on my team's success than my number one wide -- assuming each of our sixteen teams had an even distribution of double digit receivers.  I love Shayne Graham (#11, 10.0 pts) but I don't want him to be more valued than Victor Cruz (10.7 per game).

Sure, kickers are by nature much more consistent with their scoring and there's less of a spread between them, but currently my kicker, Justin Tucker (39 total), has contributed almost as many points to my bottom line as Mike Wallace (40 total).  If we add in Wallace's 17 receptions, that would help elevate him above Tucker quite a bit. Wallace didn't hold out this pre-season because he was worth a kicker!

Average double digits per game by position:

• 20 RBs: #1 Arian Foster (18.3 pts), #10 Trent Richardson (12.7), #20 Doug Martin (10.0)
• 17 WRs: #1 AJ Green (14.3 pts), #8 Reggy Wayne (11.3), #17 Nate Washington (10.0)
• 7 TEs: Vernon Davis (13.3 pts), Tony Gonzalez, Martellus Bennett, Heath Miller, Jimmy Graham, Kyle Rudolph, Dennis Pitta.
• 11 Ks: With the tops being Jason Hanson at 15.0 per and four more at 13.0+ per.
• 4 DEFs: Bears (15.0 pts), Cardinals, Falcons, Seahawks

Using PPR would push RB/WR/TE to more points, while lessening the impact of K and DEF.  Which is why we play the game right?  Unless you think just love rooting for your Bears or Cardinals defenses.

3) Added consistency for WR/TE
Even if your receiver gets only 40 yards per game, those six balls he caught will help level him out.  Right now, receivers are boom and bust, based purely on yardage, since there is no other metric to judge them on.  RBs tend to get both rushing and receiving yardage, while most WRs only get the latter.  I want the hard work my player put into running a route to be reflected in his fantasy game!

Some have argued that carries then could be a metric, but let's be honest, receiving a carry requires no effort. At least a reception someone is throwing and catch a ball.

4) More Strategy
PPR would add another dimension to selecting receivers, as there are now different types.  Do you take the possession receiver who catches a lot of balls for low yardage or the deep threat who catches a few balls but makes the most of each opportunity?  At the end of the day you want whichever one scores more, of course, but would you prefer a Larry Fitzgerald versus Randy Moss?  Of course, it's possible to have the best of both worlds, aka Jerry Rice.

5) RBs would also benefit
Running backs who catch are a valuable part of the game and nowadays, some of them are brought into the game solely to catch out of the backfield -- shout out to Ronnie Harmon.  PPR would not only float the WR/TE boats but also RBs as well, bringing them closer in line to QBs and raising everyone above the dreaded Ks and DEFs.

Notes:
You could argue that it's only WK3, and these numbers are skewed.  Sure, but I wanted to point this out now so we can take a look at the potential impact of PPR over the course of this season.  I'm confident that the spreads won't change much, even if the names do.

My personal preference is actually half point PPR, which is what we have been doing in my other keeper league for 10+ years.

Yes, using PPR -- or even half a point PPR -- breaks with tradition, but since the current fantasy rules were created twenty plus years ago, the game has evolved and I think receptions is one of those things that should be added to any scoring system.

Shark Tank

In a shocking announcement, special teams, kicking, and sometime dance coach of the Hungry Hungry Ouroboros, Kelvin, defected to a rival team, moving up to assistant general manager in the process.  Even while we are piecing together the off-field transaction, the league is atwitter over what kinds of promises Eric made to ensnare Kelvin and steal him after just two weeks at his old job.

At the time of this writing, Kelvin had coached K Justin Tucker to first among kickers and the Jets defense to ninth overall.  What will his first move with the Human Amoebas be?  We're excited to find out. Looking over Kelvin's past drafts, it's clear he has a predilection for tight ends. We're looking for a big move there as he integrates himself into Amoebas' management.

Asked for commentary, GM Eric of the Amoebas declined to say anything while Kelvin was happy to step up to the mic.  "Here's what happened. He saw my potential and asked me if I wanted to co-own with him. Game recognize game." Currently, Kelvin's team (El Nino's) is top of the charts in his other yearly fourteen team league, 2-0 with the highest points scored.

Jon, of the slighted Hungry Hungry Ouroboros, also released a statement. Well, more of a personal warning, sent to Eric via this blog post.  "He [Kelvin] can't be trusted.  He'll stab you right in the back to rise higher in this league.  I fear for you [Eric], that's it. I'm not even sad that Kelvin left me, I'm just warning Human Amoebas that this man is known to have his sights set higher than just a co-GM job.  He wants his own franchise and he might do a strategic takeover to get one!"

Rumors are that Kelvin has already made powerful enemies with his (weak) trash talk. He's also laid down the gauntlet that he'll take anyone in basketball and is calling for a Classic. Reports also indicate that Kelvin plays dirty and has recently taken out one of the organizers of a local San Diego weekend game. Beware fellow owners, beware.

2-0 and 0-2

All three of our 2-0 teams started 2-0 last season too, which is kind of interesting. As for our 0-2 teams, they are less hapless than they look. Well, for the most part. In the NFL, it's hard to recover from 0-2 but in fantasy, that's just a minor stumble. We bet one of the 0-2 teams will make the playoffs while one of the 2-0 teams will fade into obscurity by WK13. Care to take bets on which?

On top of the world at 2-0
100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears PF: 172 PA: 148
Breathing a sigh of relief after a late MNF charge from Matt Ryan, the Pooh Bears are the best team in the league. It's not hard to see why as all of their pre-season moves have paid off. Cam Newton is averaging 18.5 points, Ray Rice and Jimmy Graham are performing as expected, and young guys like Doug Martin and Brandon LaFell are stepping up. The Bears are the only team with five guys who put up double digits in each of the first two weeks. No wonder they're the leaders this young season.

Mandalorian Warriors PF: 163 PA: 152
Escaping with a 68-67 victory in WK2, the Warriors are undefeated, leaning heavily on new acquisition Drew Brees, LeSean McCoy, and Rob Gronkowski. Jordy Nelson and Steven Jackson aren't pulling their weight yet, but they could soon come around. Matt will need the rest of his team to step up if he's going to continue his winning ways. Also, is Brandon Marshall the 17 point beast from WK1 or the 2 point mouse from WK2? Lots of questions for a team that's 2-0...

Italian Stallionz PF: 160 PA: 123
Porta's been here before, starting off 2-0 last season before tumbling to 5-8 during his inaugural season. This time he's got six players averaging double digits -- not including a K or DEF -- led by Tom Brady, Demaryius Thomas, and Stevan Ridley. Plus old men Reggie Wayne and Tony Gonzalez look revitalized. Of course, one of the Stallionz's wins was a WK2 70-41 beatdown of Jedi Knights, but a win is a win. With Brady not even close to hitting his stride, we see some upside here.

Swirling in the stink at 0-2
P Funk All Stars PF: 87 PA: 182
Paolo has three guys averaging 14 points or above. The problem is they all play one position: quarterback. QBs Joe Flacco, Alex Smith, and Sam Bradford have been putting up the points but two of them sit every week -- so far Flacco has been starting. The only other players to hit double digits so far have been Mark Ingram and Pierre Thomas, both in WK2 (Thomas' was from the bench). Starting receiver Brian Quick has one target and zero receptions so far this season. Ouch. Someone tell Paolo 43.5 points per game is unacceptable!

Another Bad Creation PF: 150 PA: 168
The Ba-Donka-Donk Division has two of the winless teams, so at least Oliver's squad isn't sitting in last. While Oliver came awful close to beating Mandalorian Warriors this past weekend, his bench RBs all outplayed Darren McFadden, costing him a win. (Reggie Bush!!!) To be fair, ABC has a few guys averaging double digits and his wide receivers -- Andre Johnson, Vincent Jackson, Andrew Hawkins -- are looking like they'll take turns putting up points. Aaron Rodgers needs to put up more than 16 points a game for this team to pull themselves back up though.

Ann Arbor Bamfers PF: 155 PA: 189
It's rare that an injury can positively change the fortunes of a team so much. In Randy's case, he's delighted Fred Jackson went down in WK1, which opened the door for CJ Spiller. While Spiller has only contributed in WK2 for the Bamfers, he could prove to be this year's breakout back. With Eli Manning, a still effective Frank Gore, and even BenJarvus Green-Ellis grabbing some points, the Bamfers are a winless team on the way up. They lost in WK1 due to Jackson's injury and got nailed with 121 points from Detroit Players in WK2. We're banking on a WK3 trip to the win column.

Who can go on IR?

Important information relevant to everyone. Who can we put on IR? The commissioner revealed to me that the IR slot can only be used for players that CBS has designated as injured. Alvin even kindly provided his own example up above, where WR Vincent Brown has a nifty "IR" symbol next to him. This designation allows him to sit on the IR for awhile, until he must then be taken off. Please keep an eye on other people's IR designations, as that is the first place people try to cheat. So I've heard.

Hindsight: Week One

Whew, that was some close games this week right? I mean, so I hear. I don't have a television so I haven't been able to watch any football yet. I know, it's sad. I am even thinking of getting NFL Replay just to get to the games. It's pathetic but true. The good news is that I know everything that happened as I closely monitor Twitter, ESPN, and podcasts. So here we go, a brief look at WK1 and some of the ultra-close games that went down to the wire.

68-67, Rhythm Drive defeat Ann Arbor Bamfers
With his high flying wide receivers basically falling flat on their faces, Reno was worried heading into MNF. Larry Fitzgerald, Greg Jennings, and Santana Moss combined to score only one more point than the Bamfer's Anquan Boldin. With Matt Forte and Frank Gore playing to a standstill, Reno needed Rivers to come up with a halfway decent game.

Luckily, Rivers did just that with 13 points off of 231 passing yards and one passing TD, giving Rhythm Drive the win! For the Bamfers, losing Fred Jackson doomed them to this loss, but the good news is they have CJ Spiller waiting to step in. "Handcuff your running back" should be right up there with "don't text while driving" and "click it or ticket" on the list of safety rules everyone should follow. Thanks for reminding us Randy.

89-82, Italian Stallionz defeat Dunder Mifflin Paper Company
The retroactive game of the week featured double digit performances by every player save three, and an incredible loss fueled by a negative defensive effort. Porta's Stallionz got excellent performances from Tom Brady and Demaryius Thomas, 17 pts each, and even got a nifty 136 receiving yards from Reggie Wayne. Who needs Peyton when you've got Luck?

Mike's Paper Company wasn't going to go down without their own huge performances though, as Tony Romo (23 pts), Arian Foster (19 pts), and kicker Matt Bryant (17 pts) made for an interesting counterpunch. Of course, Bills defense threw up a ghastly -8 so Mike needed Malcolm Floyd to come up big on MNF. Mr. Floyd had a respectable 66 yards with a TD but that wasn't nearly enough to make up the gap. In the end, Porta and Brady marched away with a fantastic first week win.

Tidbits:

• High scorer Team Cameltoe had exactly 100 points. Someone mentioned on GroupMe that this was the first week they could recall with only one team going over the century mark. Cameltoe did it behind impressive days by Jay Cutler, Julio Jones, and Ravens defense. Oh and a spicy -2 from starting running back David Wilson.
• That Alfred Morris trade for Jedi Knights is looking pretty good now right? A 2020 3rd round pick for a young running back that received 28 carries and scored 2 TDs on his first start? Bet Jedi Knights can't wait for WK2 to get him off their bench.
• WR Kevin Ogletree is the week's #3 scorer behind Matt Ryan and Robert Griffin III. He had 23 points on 114 yards and 2 TDs. The next free agent who had a breakout is TE Dennis Pitta, who had 13 points and was #43 on the WK1 scoring chart. Any bets on if Ogletree is more than just a one week wonder?
• Nate Kaeding dropped in five field goals and an extra point, trying to single handedly bring Human Amoebas back on MNF against Mandalorian Warriors. Kaeding came up just three field goals short. Good try though. If the Amoebas had won, the entire The Wood Division would have started off undefeated. Way to let your division down Eric.
• P Funk All Stars fell flat on their face in WK1, giving new owner Jon an easy 97-41 victory. Thank you for your kindness Paolo, please come join our GroupMe as you are the only one not there yet. "Booted for inactivity..."
• Ten defenses and sixteen kickers scored in double digits, compared to twenty RBs, twenty eight WRs, and eleven TEs. I feel like I'm going to be talking about DEF and K for high scorers a lot. Billy Cundiff for MVP!

Draft Review 2012

Yes, I'm aware the draft is still going on but I don't care. Here at MB-ESPN we like to jump the gun on everything. Plus there's a good reason we're only gonna cover the first five rounds. You'll see below. If I've somehow evaluated your players falsely, please send a formal complaint to the commissioner. Just remember, it's not personal. Okay, you're right, it's totally personal.

Round One
After trading up for the number one overall pick, Pogiboys went with the consensus number one rookie, RB Trent Richardson. With a gaping hole at running back, people say that Richardson is the next Adrian Peterson but it seems like so far the only thing they have in common is a knee injury. Still, this was the absolute right pick here. The other widely touted rookie, RB Doug Martin went next to Pooh Bears, who moved quite a few picks to get up to 1.2. Martin will be a nice luxury since he'll get the chance to grow into his role behind Ray Rice and Ryan Mathews.

Part of the huge bounty of picks received by the Amoebas' 2010 trade of Andre Johnson, GM Eric shocked pundits by taking Andrew Luck off the board. With franchise caliber Matthew Stafford already a keeper, what was the thinking? Sources at Amoebas' camp said that Luck will be purely a developmental pick. "We looked around and saw that all the great QBs of the moment were big white guys who stood around in the pocket. Guess what Luck is? A big white guy who stands in the pocket! We're proud to have Stafford on board but having two big white guys can't hurt. We could also play them both at the same time, which could really confuse opponents." If Luck develops as expected, Eric could have a great trade chip in the coming few months.

The last top rookie to go, QB Robert Griffin III, was destined for Detroit Players at 1.4. One of the few franchises that didn't keep a QB, they had Tim Tebow last year but will substitute a new run/pass threat. If RG3 is the next Cam Newton, this pick will go a long way toward Ariel's rebuild. Even though we'd love to tell you that this pick isn't going to help. It probably will. We would like to know who the choice would have been between Luck and Griffin, if Amoebas hadn't leapt in. Care to disclose Ariel?

The Pooh Bears and Bamfers went twice before most teams had even gone once. J went with Kendall Wright while Randy went with hometown sleeper Titus Young. We like both of them and think Young especially will get see a nice season. Wright is likely too young to make a true difference but someone has to catch the ball in Tennessee and Wright could be it.

The Itallion Stallionz scooped up Demaryius Thomas and Steven Ridley at 1.5 and 1.8 respectively. Porta's gonna need both to step up immediately to fill out his starting roster. We think both will pan out nicely and will be solid. The Bamfers selected Benjarvus Green-Ellis after Thomas and then Cameltoe swiped David Wilson. Which RB do we like better? Well, the Bamfers already have Fred Jackson, Frank Gore, Peyton Hillis, and CJ Spiller so we'd have preferred someone with a bit more upside than Green-Ellis for this pick. However, it's hard to argue with a guaranteed 10 TDs from Law Firm. I mean, if by guaranteed you mean "maybe." As for David Wilson, he could be a sneaky great pick for when Ahmad Bradshaw inevitably goes down. We like Felipe's upside gamble here. Wilson has already been making a name for himself this pre-season by "running with such flair that teammates have to tell him to tone it down."

Wilson probably replied, "Flair? That's not flair. I'll show you flair."

Rhythm Drive wins the "first pick I had to Google" contest when Reno selected TE Coby Fleener with pick 1.11. Fleener could be the next great tight end at an imposing 6-foot-6, 250 lbs. And he will definitely serve as a dominating center for Reno's AAU squads. Let's hope Fleener likes to play basketball in his off-seasons. We like what Reno did here, making a pick for fantasy and for real life. How he'll disguise Fleener as a sixth grader is beyond me though.

Earlier this week it was announced that The Office is coming back for one last season so this is the year Dunder Mifflin Paper Company has to make its big championship push right? With a strong running game, Mike needs his first round pick, WR Malcolm Floyd, to really come through. I can tell you that there are literally no wide receivers in San Diego left -- the Chargers even called me in yesterday for a tryout, but I ran a 8.2 in the 40 so that didn't help -- and Floyd will have every opportunity to become the next Vincent Jackson.

We thought RB Isaac Redman would have gone higher since he could take over starting duties in Pittsburgh. P Funk All Stars used the first of their back-to-backs on Redman and that could pan out nicely as this team desperately needs another runner to step up. You could question selecting a D/ST in the first round but 49ers defense should be a top three squad and Paolo knows that with his offense in some upheaveal, a strong defense could lead the way to a few wins. We'd like P Funk to draft Tim Tebow late, so we can recreate the fantasy version of the the 2011 Broncos season. A stiff defense, the magic of Tebow, all leading to a head scratching playoff spot. We gave P Funk awful keeper scores so we're interested to see what kind of upside picks are coming.

Wrapping up an interesting first round was Jedi Knights with RB Kevin Smith and Another Bad Creation grabbing Reggie Bush with the last selection. We think Smith will be a great sleeper and if he can stay healthy, he's immediately Chris' best running back. As for Oliver's pick, he'll get a low end starting RB in Bush and that could be perfect as Marshawn Lynch and Darren McFadden will get most of the carries anyway.

Best pick: Isaac Redman, P Funk All Stars (1.13)
Most obscure: Coby Fleener, Rhythm Drive (1.11)

Round Two
Starting off the next round, Squirtle Squad gets in the action by taking RB Ronnie Hillman. The Broncos rookie will take some time rounding into form as he's been dinged up but he could become useful later in the season as he elevates himself to Willis McGahee's backup and probable successor. Brian will need another starter though, as Adrian Peterson is the only other RB on the roster. Only one other running back was picked this round, Donald Brown way down at 2.11 by Reno.

At the top of the round after Hillman was Justin Blackmon, Nate Washington, Reggie Wayne, and TE Kyle Rudolph. Throw in Anquan Boldin (2.8), Derrius Heyward-Bey (2.12), and TEs Fred Davis and Jared Cook and it was clear that most owners were looking for serviceable pass catchers. How did Reggie Wayne slip to Porta at 2.3? Sure he's not that good anymore but he's a 1,000 yard receiver at the very worst. We think he's a steal here.

Pogiboys and Mandalorian Warriors both had three second round selections but they did very different things with them. Alvin pretty much had to go starting quarterback hunting, and he took Josh Freeman and Jake Locker. We like Freeman to have a bounce back year. Furthermore, the Pogiboys will need Nate Washington to be the wide receiver that takes charge in Tennessee. He could certainly do it, as Washington was surprisingly effective last year in a desperate situation.

Newsflash if you didn't know, the Mandalorian Warriors are going for a championship this season. After a bitter defeat in the Super Bowl last season, the Warriors have traded the future for the now. With an enviable keeper core and no first round draft picks until the back half of this decade, Matt went for a strong backup quarterback for Drew Brees in Ben Roethlisberger and TWO defenses. We don't know if the Bears or Eagles are better but taking them both solves that problem. Go Beagles!

Another Bad Creation went kicker very early, taking David Akers with the last pick in the second round. The earliest kicker selection in the past five years was 2007, when Matt Stover went off the board at 3.7. Does Oliver know something we don't? Perhaps. I mean, Akers did have a record breaking year last season, and he's finished in the top two in kicker points four years in a row. Of course, none of the last seventeen kickers to have scored 140+ points went over 140 again the following season so we'll see about this high priced kicker.

Best pick: Reggie Wayne, Italian Stallionz (2.4)
Most obscure: Kyle Rudolph, Detroit Players (2.5)

Round Three
A couple of teams haven't even gotten a pick yet. Wayne State Tartars entered the fray with Jonathan Stewart at 3.3 while Hungry Hungry Ouroboros selected Rashad Jennings at 3.15. Both are running backs stuck behind other running backs but they have some value, especially if an injury occurs. In fact, this round had a lot of backup RBs as Toby Gerhart, Jacquizz Rogers, and Evan Royster also went off the board. Any of those three could emerge as a quality starter by mid-season. We're curious if Royster or Roy Helu will emerge in Washington, or if both will split the carries and negate each other's value. Plus they have to fend off Tim Hightower.

I feel like P Funk All Stars got so many picks this draft. At 3.1 and 3.13, they took Brian Quick and Michael Floyd. Paolo only needs one of them to show signs of breaking out. Our bet is on Floyd. 100 Acre Pooh Bears also got two receivers this round, Lance Moore and Brandon LaFell. LaFell could be better after a semi-disappointing rookie year and Lance Moore is good for at least a few starts each season. With Dez Bryant ailing, Moore especially could be pressed into duty for J early on.

Dunder Mifflin should get a refund on pick 3.12, Austin Collie. After yet another concussion, he needs to retire like yesterday. Seriously bro, you got a lot of life left to live. You're a possession receiver, you're always gonna get hit. You need to stop the madness. Who's against giving Mike a re-do on this pick? If you are, you have no heart. Just like Collie will soon have no brains...

Five picks were selected using auto-draft this round. Stewart, Gerhart, Stephen Gostkowski, Alshon Jeffrey, and Giants defense. Okay more likely this was ranked but let it be noted that round three is when owners feel like it's safe to turn on auto. Unless that Another Bad Creation pick of David Akers was selected by the computer last round, which would explain a lot.

Best pick: Jonathan Stewart, Wayne State Tartars (3.3)
Most obscure: Alshon Jeffrey, Team Cameltoe (3.9)

Round Four
Here we go, the upside rookies are gone and it's veterans who lack upside or bargains who might break out now that they've had some seasoning. In the former category is Alex Smith, Carson Palmer, Randy Moss, Santonio Holmes, Santana Moss. You know what you're getting here. A little bit of production and a lot of over the hill. Holmes is technically not old but most of us agree that better days are not ahead for him in that Jets' offense led by Sanchatebow. And if anyone is drinking that Randy Moss Kool Aid, I'm gonna go ahead and say that he's done considering Smith can't throw the deep ball to him.

Tight ends Brent Celek (Bamfers) and Owen Daniels (Warriors) were both once highly touted but probably will never become stars. That's okay though as they will fall in the middle of the pack for TEs -- plus Daniels will play behind Gronk for the Warriors. In this round we also have Packers defense and Seahawks defense becoming the fifth and sixth defenses selected (but only fifth team because of Warriors' double defenses earlier). That should take care of the elite ones.

Now for our reclamation projects and bargains with upside category: Randall Cobb, Danny Amendola, Davone Bess, Michael Bush, Daniel Thomas. All these guys have shown flashes or at least has an opportunity for quality work this season. Bush is the only one who has proven to be fantasy relevant but for now he'll be a valuable backup in Chicago. Daniel Thomas was literally the worst last season but he presents decent value after being drafted ultra-high last season.

Mandalorian Warriors had a whopping four picks this round: Randy Moss, Santonio Holmes, Isaiah Pead, and Owen Daniels. He's reassembled Holmes and Daniels from last year and secured Steven Jackson's backup in Pead. We call this incredible 2012 draft by Matt the "double bag strategy." Make sure you got a backup plan for any emergency and then be extra safe on top of that. I don't know about you, but I like this safety first method.

Best pick: Michael Bush, Human Amoebas (4.10)
Most obscure: Seahawks defense, Pooh Bears (4.16) I know the Seahawks have a defense, but I had no idea they were good! Oh wait, are they? Is Cortez Kennedy back or something?

Round Five
Okay, this is where I pretty much broke Google looking up these players: Dion Lewis, Rueben Randle, Josh Gordon, Robert Turbin, Mike Goodson. For real, my magazine didn't even list those guys except on the depth chart. And only Goodson had a mini-blurb. I'll save you some time and just tell you what I learned.

RB Dion Lewis could be the backup to LeSean McCoy for his second season, nice safety valve. Giants rookie Reuben Randle could soon be a famous sandwich at Katz's Deli if he plays well. Fellow rookie WR Josh Gordon got picked up in the supplemental draft and the Browns must really love him because they gave up a 2013 RD1. RB Robert Turbin could start for Marshawn Lynch early as Lynch serves a possible suspension. We think he'll be good for no reason at all because "Turbin" is a good fantasy name. Okay, that's not true. Like at all. It's a horrible football name! Fourth year RB Mike Goodson was stuck behind DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart in Carolina and could be the primary backup for Darren McFadden -- aka the starter for at least six games -- if he can beat out Taiwan Jones.

Speaking of Mr. Jones. Nobody touch him. Seriously. Don't draft him unless you were also, like me, born in the Republic of China and then emigrated here. Actually, this should be a house rule. If a player is named after the country/region you're from, you get him automatically. For example, I would get Taiwan Jones and Reno would get Cebu Jones. And Porta would get Italy Jones. And the rest of you could flip for America Jones or Michigan Jones -- or wherever you're from. You with me?

The rest of this round also featured low/no upside running backs like Tim Hightower, LeGarrette Blount, and then fliers on Matt Flynn, Matt Cassell, and Ryan Tannehill. Our "highly optimistic but could work out" player of the round is Kendall Hunter by Pogiboys, who will have to fight hard to get some carries behind Frank Gore. Maybe he'll do it if someone shackles Gore, Brandon Jacobs, and rookie LaMichael James but it's unlikely. Still, we like owners who dream big.

Best pick: Taiwan Jones, Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (upcoming)
Most obscure: Robert Turbin, Pooh Bears (5.14)

Alright, we have to stop at round five because I don't know most of these players anymore. And there's only so much I can say about kickers, defenses, and random players' little CBS blurbs I click on. We got five more rounds to go and then the 2012 season will be ready for kickoff. Who's excited?!

Also, who else loves this elapsed time counter on the draft page? It allows us to do in-depth analysis like this:

Putting a lot of thought into it
9 hrs 18 min 48 sec - Italian Stallionz select Lions defense (5.4)
8 hrs 28 min 37 sec - Dunder Mifflin select Matt Cassel (5.12)
7 hrs 52 min 24 sec - Rhythm Drive select Matt Flynn (5.11)
7 hrs 35 min 48 sec - Detroit Players select Packers defense (4.5)
6 hrs 46 min 32 sec - Rhythm Drive select Donald Brown (2.11)

Quick draw award
29 sec - Dunder Mifflin select Malcolm Floyd (1.12)