Super Bowl XIIII

#1 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (9-3-1) def #2 MoRRie’s Pogiboys (10-3), 143.5 - 97.0
Suffice to say, we’ve been here before. But at least this time, the Pooh versus Pogiboys matchup featured some scoring, unfortunately, it was mostly on Pooh’s side as they raced out to a huge lead early Sunday. By the time Patrick Mahomes and Doug Baldwin made their last ditch efforts to make up a 100+ point difference, most of the Pogi faithful were already tucked home safe in their beds, their daymare already over. We wish we had better news out there for the underdogs but this was a brutal beatdown by Pooh Bears, as they once again cement their status as the king of Maize and Blue.

With this victory, Pooh Bears have tied Another Bad Creation for the most titles since 2004 — three apiece — and now the race is on to see who can capture that fourth ring first. For now though, there’s no question that 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears are the best franchise in the history of MnB. With ten division titles, the second-best overall regular season record, one Toilet Bowl win, and three rings, nobody else stacks up to them.

Oh right, a little about the actual game. Deshuan Watson and Antonio Brown combined for 72 points, while every other position player put up double-digits. Overall it was a basic walk in the park for Pooh this season as they led the East with ten wins, put up a second-best 103.9 PA per week, dropped all respective lower seeds on their way to a title, and well, just took care of business by going 8-0-1 over the last nine weeks of the season. Led by Ezekiel Elliot, Brown, Mike Evans, David Johnson, and the dual-headed quarterback crew of Deshaun and Cam Newton, J and Jayvee only had to field twelve total position players all season long as they were a vision of stability. How can a third title be so boring?

With a slew of extra picks coming their way as usual, Pooh has a nice shot at being our first repeat champ since 2007-08. All hail the Pooh Bears reign — and Soliman reign, as Alan won Super Bowl XIII last season — and long may we live in fear. Congrats Solimans!

As of Morrie’s, this was their third Super Bowl loss in as many tries, and the only consolation is that there’s always next year. Armed with Patrick Mahomes, rookies Baker Mayfield and Nick Chubb, plus a deep receiving corps, Pogiboys should still remain a contender for years to come. Better luck tomorrow Alvin, better luck tomorrow.

Toilet Bowl IV

#4 Italian Stallionz (5-8) def #2 Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (6-7), 110-93
After eliminating top seeded Fockers last week, Italian Stallionz set their sights on another upset in the Toilet Bowl finals and got a tougher matchup this time. Coming from behind, Stallionz really poured it on with Chris Carson and Tyreek Hill late — combined 33 points — to insure the victory as Hungry Hungry Ouroboros failed to sub out an injured Todd Gurley in time. Not that it would have mattered, because Aaron Rodgers’ 42 points gave Stallionz the likely win and then Carson/Hill took it home down the stretch.

It didn’t look good for Stallionz heading into the Toilet Bowl, as they had scored under 55+ in WK12-13, but they righted the ship at just the right time and put up 91.0, 80.5, and then 110.0 points to take the consolation tournament. We noted that Stallionz were lacking a run game all season but then Chris Carson caught fire with 15, 22, and 23 points for the past three weeks, solidifying his chances next year as an important keeper. Add on another (likely) young runner in 2019's draft and Stallionz should hopefully find themselves back in the playoffs. And let’s not forget tight end Chris Herndon, who produced seventeen points in the victory, saving his best effort for the last game of the fantasy season.

So for Porta, this is his first Toilet Bowl win and represents a high point after four years of losing records. Last year’s Toilet Bowl winner, Grrrrific, went on to lead the league in regular season wins, so maybe this consolation win will catapult Stallionz to similar results next season. Congratulazioni Italian Stallionz, and to a bright future ahead! Arrivederci!

As for the losers, Hungry Hungry Ouroboros had a fine chance to win their second Toilet Bowl but even with Joe Mixon inserted for Gurley, no win was going to come. At least that Jaguars defense, one of Ouroboros’ 2018 keepers, came through with 17 big points in a losing effort. Um, good job?

Super Bowl Preview 2018

After a round one of no upsets, we had Pogiboys take down top seeded Team Grrrrifiic behind a huge week from DeAndre Hopkins. Doomed by an untimely worst week by Saquon Barkley — plus Kareem Hunt’s bad mojo — Donny’s team wilted in the Western Conference finals as Pogiboys took advantage of a soft one-seed to make it to their third Super Bowl in six years.

Pooh Bears had a tougher matchup, as Matt Ryan, Alvin Kamara were almost enough to get Squirtle Squad the upset but Brian’s team was playing short-handed with Keenan Allen and kicker Aldrick Rosas coming up with zeros. Almost any other receiver -- or Jake Elliot as the kicker -- would have won Squirtles the day, but instead 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears slips into their fourth Super Bowl as the favorites. Let’s take a look at the matchups!

#1 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (9-3-1) vs #2 MoRRie’s Pogiboys (10-3)
It’s been five years since Pooh Bears have won a ring, and they are itching for another — potentially their third. Unfortunately for Pogiboys, that last 2013 Pooh title was won at their expense!

From that 2013 team, only Cam Newton and Antonio Brown remain for Pooh, while Pogiboys have completely revamped their roster since the days of Tom Brady, Calvin Johnson, and Eddie Lacy. The good news for Alvin is that this represents a redemptive chance to win their first ring and they’ve been in two Super Bowls recently, in 2013 and 2016. And while they are technically the lower seed, they have been much better over the past month, rarely dipping below 100+ points from WK8 on. During that same period, 100AW have failed to reach one hundred points four times.

QB: Pogiboys have two options here: potential NFL MVP Patrick Mahomes or recent breakout 2018 #1 overall NFL pick Baker Mayfield. Haha, okay, it’s gonna be Mahomes. The tougher decision will what J and Jayvee do at quarterback, as Cam Newton looks injured and it seems like Deshaun Watson would be the safer pick. Either way, Mahomes should outproduce anyone Pooh can put into the lineup. Hopefully.

RB: It’s Ezekiel Elliot and David Johnson versus Tarik Cohen and rookie second-half sensation Nick Chubb. It would seem that Pooh’s Elliot and Johnson have the edge but all four backs have shown the ability for big games. Right now Ezekiel has been consistently better than the other three so we’ll give the advantage to Pooh Bears on the ground.

WR/TE: Hopkins literally won Pogiboys their matchup last week and it would be greedy to ask for another thirty-point explosion. Ditto for Doug Baldwin who caught two touchdowns last week — from the bench, since Dede Westbrook was the starter opposite Hopkins. Who gets the call at WR #2 for Pogi? It won't really matter since the pass catcher who needs to have a huge game is Travis Kelce, since that would mean Mahomes is having a similarly robust weekend.

Of course, Pooh is countering with Antonio Brown and Mike Evans, two top-ten receivers who could blow up any matchup in their own right. The drop off from Kelce versus David Njoku at tight end is too big to ignore though, so receiving edge to Pogis.

DEF/K: I can’t tell. The scoring is so wild this year that frankly, every DST is a toss up as far as I’m concerned. I guess on paper Bears defense and Stephen Gostkowski out-classes Vikings and Will Lutz? Khalil Mack and Co. get to feast on Nick Mullens though, so let’s just give Pogiboys the edge here.

Intangibles: 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears have an overall record of 125-69-1 (64.1%) since 2004, but Morrie’s Pogiboys are just a bit better at 132-59-4 (67.7%) over the past fifteen years. Pooh Bears have also dominated Ohana to the tune of ten division titles while Pogiboys have done the same to The Big House, with twelve division crowns of their own. In addition, both Pooh and Pogi have led the league in regular season wins four times each. If you’re asking, "yes, these are the two best (regular season) teams in Maize and Blue history."

So what separates them? Well, to put it kindly: 100AW Pooh Bears are winners. They’ve been to the Super Bowl in 2004, 2007, 2013, and now 2018, emerging with two rings so far. Pogiboys haven’t gotten a ring despite their 2013, 2015, and 2018 appearances. Not to mention, Pooh Bears won our inaugural Toilet Bowl in 2015 -- resulting in Elliot -- the only year they’ve entered it. Basically, Pooh Bears win, Pogiboys lose...

If there is justice in the world, Mahomes and Kelce go off for 60+ combined points and Alvin can have a celebratory Sunday evening as he watches his team finally grab a championship!

Playoffs & Toilet Bowl 2018: RD2

In what is likely a first, no higher seed was toppled in either the playoffs or Toilet Bowl. Pretty boring right? The good news is we'll get to see our best teams go at it for the right to showdown in the Super Bowl!

Eastern Conference Finals, RD2

• #1 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (9-3-1) vs #2 Squirtle Squad (9-4)

Western Conference Finals, RD2

• #1 Team Grrrrrific (11-2) vs #2 MoRRie’s Pogiboys (10-3)

Just so it's clear, I updated the rules to say "Toilet Bowl is not conference exclusive, so we re-seed #9-16 regardless of conference. However, we keep the same matchups regardless of upsets, and don't re-shuffle each round. Ex) If #16 seed upsets #9 in RD1, they don't have to face #10 in RD2."

Toilet Bowl RD2

#1 Fockers (7-5) vs #4 Italian Stallionz (5-8)

#2 Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (6-7) vs #3 Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada (6-7)

Toilet Bowl 2018: RD1

#1 Fockers (7-5) vs #8 P Funk All Stars (1-12)
Another winning record, another year in the Toilet Bowl. That makes two seasons in a row that Fockers have landed out of the postseason despite a good enough regular season. Heck, they won their 2016 title on the strength of a 7-6 record! A victim of a particularly strong Eastern conference did what they could but came down the stretch run with a 0-2-1 record and that pushed them out. The good news is that this team really could use a high draft pick, as the bottom fell out this year aside from all-world Davante Adams catching passes from Ben Roethlisberger and Andrew Luck. With Le’Veon Bell a season long no-show and Matt Breida getting injured the past month, the Fockers run game is in shambles. As the top seed in the Toilet Bowl, Fockers will hope to pilot themselves to a #1 overall pick.

Luckily, a first round win seems likely as Fockers will face off against one-win P Funk, who is almost aggressively tanking yet another season. Injuries were an issue for this team — Marshawn Lynch, Cooper Kupp, and Martavis Bryant all end the season on IR — but there were numerous examples of players who were in the lineup and unable to play. Add in plenty of mismanagement by Paolo over the bye weeks, and it’s surprising this team even got one victory. Averaging just 61.3 per game, it would seem a minor miracle if P Funk pulled off an upset here. Could the fans be clamoring for new ownership?!

#2 Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (6-7) vs #7 Mandalorian Warriors (2-11)
Ouroboros slipped their way into the playoffs last season and made some noise but it looks like a return to the playoffs won’t be in the cards for this long inept franchise. Despite owning the best fantasy player in the universe, Todd Gurley, Ouroboros couldn’t pull out one win their last month of games and will enter the Toilet Bowl as a deflated high seed. The pre-draft trade for 2018 1.5, Calvin Ridley, worked out well but after that there was almost no other successes to speak of aside from Gurley and Ridley -- and arguably a fleet of young-ish backs. I guess it’s back to the bottom for this team that made a surprise Super Bowl run last season.

Who’s the most intriguing team in Maize and Blue right now? May we present the 2020+ Mandalorian Warriors?! By our count, Mandalorian has engaged in eight trades this season, mostly of the player for future draft pick variety. GM Matt is going for a full on rebuild and dynasty build by shipping off any player that is remotely productive now for future prospects. After going 1-11 all season, it was a bit of a shock to see Warriors pick up a win in WK13, after the entire roster had been stripped for parts all year long. The bench features seven players on IR/Out and the “star” here is Jameis Winston. This is the greatest long term planning in MnB history and we’re excited to see where it ends up, if Warriors can pick up another title before the 2022 season!

#3 Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada (6-7) vs #6 Jedi Knights (4-9)
Hey, six wins means Xur eclipsed their win total from the last two seasons combined! No more "worst record in the league!" Combine the emergence of sophomores Christian McCaffrey and Kenny Golladay, plus a breakout season from Jared Cook, and the Armada is trending up. Heck, even Mike's gamble for 2018 1.3 Josh Gordon mostly worked out as the repeat offender found himself in a great new situation. So while the high end for Xur is still not quite there yet, finishing strong with a 2-1 end to the regular season gives this fan base some hope, which is more than they had in recent years.

As for Jedi, it’s official: they suck. After three straight years of four wins, five wins, and four wins, this once contending franchise is on the ropes. A 3-2 start this year devolved into a 1-7 finish and facing the second-toughest PA in the league didn’t help Jedis much, as opponents scored 91.9 points per game against them. To add insult to injury, their leading scorer this season, Emmanuel Sanders, just torn his ACL in practice. Oh but there is good news here, as GM Chris has unearthed the young quarterback combo of Mitchell Trubisky and Lamar Jackson, and one of them should replace Tom Brady, who was a disappointment this year after being acquired for future picks pre-draft. The real gem this season has been Phillip Lindsay, as the Bronco evolved into one of the top rookie runners -- Chris moved two future firsts for Lindsay back in October. With a few more savvy moves, Jedi could be back on top soon despite their recent dry spell.

#4 Italian Stallionz (5-8) vs #5 Another Bad Creation (4-9)
These Stallionz are stuck in a quagmire as they’ve failed to top 0.500 in four consecutive seasons. Five wins is better than last year’s four but that’s incremental progress at best. A WK3-WK6 losing streak did this team in and Porta’s team whimpered down the end with 47.5 and 55 points scored to close the regular season. There should be some juice in the Aaron Rodgers to Tyreek Hill combination but a mostly struggling run game has been this team’s Achilles heel as they’ve rotated through Tevin Coleman, Chris Carson, now injured Alex Collins (drafted RD1.4), Austin Ekeler, Doug Martin, and Jamaal Williams. We hope Stallionz can make some noise in the Toilet Bowl because a nice young runner could really help this team get out of the cellar.

The defending Knights Who Say Ni division champs took a fall this season after tying for the most wins in MnB last year. 96.2 PA is what happened! While ABC put up a respectable 96.5 PF, they just couldn’t find much consistency all season as they boom and busted all over the place. There were injuries to be sure, mostly notably Leonard Fournette for most of the season. Without him, and with rookie Kerryon Johnson barely used, there was no ground game to speak of this year. The good news is, when ABC is on, they can cook. With Fournette back off one-game suspension, there is an impressive passing attack of Kirk Cousins, Michael Thomas, Brandin Cooks, newly revived Amari Cooper (acquired mid-season for Greg Kittle), Stefon Diggs, and Jordan Reed. During the last seven weeks, Oliver’s team has only dipped below 87.5 PF once, and we think they’re the dark horse to take the Toilet Bowl if they can string some consistent games together.

Playoffs 2018: RD1

EASTERN CONFERENCE
#1 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (9-3-1) vs #4 Stink Pink Gators (8-5)
The kings of the East racked up their tenth division title — their third-straight — and Pooh Bears are positioned once again to make a deep run in the playoffs. After getting upset in the first round twice in a row though, J and Jayvee have to be wary of what lurks ahead and won’t be taking any matchups for granted. They are on a 5-0-1 streak to end the regular season and average a MnB second-best 103.9 points per week. Ezekiel Elliot has been incredible over the past month, plus a semi-bounceback season from David Johnson, so there’s still too much talent on this team not to be afraid of Pooh Bears. Elliot, Antonio Brown, Mike Evans, and a wonderful season from Cam Newton make this the Eastern Conference’s team to fear!

Pulling off a 8-5 record despite a PF/PA split of 1168/1174 is not easy. That’s now two playoff appearances in a row for our sophomore owner and Dave will get the chance for a huge upset if they can pull themselves together for one more big week. Stink Pink came out of the gates red hot with six wins in seven tries — as well as seven 100+ PF in eight games — but have faded down the stretch some. The loss of AJ Green was obviously a huge blow mid-season, as was quickly losing pre-draft trade acquisition Jay Ajayi earlier in the year, but that alone can’t explain Gators’ dip. Still, with Carson Wentz throwing to Adam Thielen, Zach Ertz, and Jarvis Landry, an upset could be possible!

#2 Squirtle Squad (9-4) vs #3 Sweep the Leg Zabka (8-5)
Squirtle took out the top seed last year and find themselves facing off against the defending champs! After starting off 1-3, Brian has piloted this team to an 8-1 record the rest of the way and bolstered the roster through a handful of trades — mostly with Mandalorian Warriors. Squirtles picked up Duke Johnson, Juju Smith-Schuster, Matt Ryan, and James White at the Mandalorian Megamart, and George Kittle from Another Bad Creation. After losing James Connor — and Jimmy Garoppolo much earlier — Squad has replaced every moving part and is going to ride Alvin Kamara and his built on-the-fly contender into the playoffs. We love Brian’s aggression and hope it all works out as it’s been a looooong Super Bowl drought for Squirtles.

Not every defending champ gets the chance to defend their title in the postseason but Sweep the Leg Zabka has even picked up another Green and White division title by H2H tie-breaker over Stink Pink Gators to get their back-to-back journey off right. A 5-1 record to finish up the regular season means Zabka is in fighting form and looking for an elusive Maize and Blue repeat! It’s been a tough season too, as a slew of injuries have hit this team and Alan has had to unearth guys like Jared Cook and Tyler Boyd while Rob Gronkowski and Marvin Jones sat down. Drew Brees and Odell Beckham have really kept the champs afloat and there’s going to have to be more of that to get Zabka back to a Super Bowl.

WESTERN CONFERENCE
#1 Team Grrrrrific (11-2) vs #8 Ann Arbor Bamfers (6-7)
Our best team in 2018 used a league wide low PA paired with a fourth-ranked PF to rise from the depths of a 4-9 record last season to top of the charts this year! In just his second year, Donny has vaulted in the standings. Oh yeah, did we mention he won the Toilet Bowl last year and drafted Saquon Barkley? That probably had a lot to do with Grrrrific’s leap to the top. Donny was also proactive in recently trading for Russell Wilson, replacing IR-ed Andy Dalton in the lineup, shoring up that roster hole. However, the real issue facing Grrrrific is that Kareem Hunt has been cut by the Chiefs for physical violence and there’s also OJ Howard and Will Fuller on IR as well. Can Saquon, Wilson, Robert Woods, and a stiff Texans defense do enough to stave off upsets? Or will the karma from the Hunt fiasco tank this team? After starting out 0-2 and ripping off eleven straight wins and counting, we’re curious how this plays out for Donny.

Bamfers secured a third straight playoff appearance by taking out Ouroboros in WK13 behind a late surge from Golden Tate. After suffering through a five loss streak between WK7-11, Randy’s team pulled it all together for two solid wins. The big question now is what happens to Melvin Gordon and his health, as Bamfers would be left with only rookie Sony Michel in the backfield if Gordon can’t go. It’s been an up and down season for Bamfers but maybe Philip Rivers can deliver some postseason magic and get a huge upset here! (Congrats to Bamfers for edging my team out of the playoffs. My Slack overtures for Randy to lose WK13 were totally ignored…good play, good play)

#2 MoRRie’s Pogiboys (10-3) vs #7 Team Cameltoe (7-6)
After two nine-win seasons, Pogiboys came up with another double digit win season, as well as their fourth straight Big House division title — their twelfth overall. No pressure but this could be the best shot for Pogiboys in awhile to win a long coveted ring, as they led the league in PF at 106.7 per game, enter the postseason having won five of their last six, and also face a weakened number-one seed in their conference. If the emergence of Patrick Mahomes, Tarik Cohen, and rookie Nick Chubb (acquired via trade in October) — along with Travis Kelce and DeAndre Hopkins — can’t get Pogiboys a ring, well, it’s going to be another long offseason for Alvin…

What a strange season for Cameltoe as they started off 1-4, ripped off six straight wins, and then faltered down the stretch to lose their last two. Still, Felipe has used the Jared Goff to Julio Jones and Eric Ebron combo to return Cameltoe to the playoffs after a two year drought — and shipped off former franchise savior Russell Wilson during the season. They’ll be up against a tough challenge though, as they were shellacked by first round matchup Pogiboys last week, but maybe can take faith that they rose to the occasion in WK7 and scored 128.5 in a win vs Alvin’s team. Still, for at frachise that is often under 0.500, 2018's 7-6 record has to count as a win for Cameltoe already.

Power Rankings 2018

PLAYOFF TEAMS
1. Team Grrrrrific (11-2)  - The Knights Who Say Ni Division Champion.  Best Overall Record.
2. MoRRie’s Pogiboys (10-3) - The Big House Division Champion.  Next best overall record.
3. 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (9-3-1) - Ohana Division Champion.  Next best overall record.
4. Squirtle Squad (9-4) - Next best overall record.
5. Sweep the Leg Zabka (8-5) - Green and White Division Champion.  Wins tiebreak over Stink Pink Gators via H2H.
6. Stink Pink Gators (8-5) - Next best overall record.
7. Team Cameltoe (7-6) - Next best overall record
8. Ann Arbor Bamfers (6-7) - Wins tiebreak vs Ouroboros via Conference Record (6-4 vs 4-6).

NON-PLAYOFF TEAMS
9. * Fockers (7-5) - Next best overall record among non-playoff teams
10. Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (6-7) - Wins tiebreak over Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada via Total Points For.
11. Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada (6-7) - Next best overall record.
12. Italian Stallionz (5-8) - Next best overall record
13. Another Bad Creation (4-9) - Wins tiebreak over Jedi Knights via Total Points For.
14. Jedi Knights (4-9) - Next best overall record
15. Mandalorian Warriors (2-11) - Next best overall record
16. P Funk All Stars (1-12) - Next best overall record

Final Standings 2018

Full Standings Detail

Who Won: Fournette/Hunt or Cook/Mixon?

Remember two years ago when Hungry Ouroboros traded away two rookie running backs for two other ones? How’d that work out? Well, with Kareem Hunt cut by the Chiefs and possibly out of the league — although probably not because the NFL is evil — experts can finally weigh in and say that Ouroboros won ID220 trade!

Of course, Hunt had a stellar rookie season and was also ranked eighth this year, while Cook has been injured most of his career and has only put up 950 combined rushing/receiving yards with three career touchdowns. So fine, Hunt is still the winner here. Sigh.

• #218: Another Bad Creation receive 2017 RD1.1 Leonard Fournette from Hungry Ouroboros for 2017 RD1.5 Joe Mixon and 2018 RD1.7 Ronald Jones
• #220: Hungry Ouroboros receive 2017 RD1.3 Dalvin Cook and Jay Cutler from Team Grrrrific in exchange for 2017 RD1.6 Kareem Hunt, Tyrod Taylor

And how about Fournette for Mixon? That fares slightly better as Fournette has been out most of the year while Mixon has been chugging along, but there’s no question Fournette has had the better upside and career so far, despite his recent suspension. Career-wise it’s 1,924 combined yards and ten touchdowns in twenty-four games for Mixon while Fournette has put up 1,790 combined with fifteen touchdowns in eighteen games. Throw in the following year’s pick of Ronald Jones and it still doesn't match up.

Of course, the real answer to “who was the best rookie running back drafted from 2017 looks like it was Christian McCaffery, who was drafted RD1.3 and actually the real real answer is "Alvin Kamara," taken at RD2.5 by Squirtle Squad. Fantasy football is the best. 😬