Super Bowl XII

Well well, what started as a water balloon fight between Fockers and Pogiboys early (Fockers were leading big on Saturday), turned into a knife fight later (as Travis Kelce went wild), and then escalated into a tense duel by Monday Night Football as Dez Bryant went mano a mano against the Detroit Lions to determine who would take home the Maize and Blue championship this year. Well, Dez had only one catch and 19 yards early on, but he soon turned it up a notch and eventually gathered four total passes for seventy yards. And had three touchdowns, including a one-handed grab. And threw for a score to boot. In the end, Fockers needed 2.5 points on MNF and got 25, making Super Bowl XII a blowout by the final score, but we all know it was closer than that... A nail biter to the very end!

As we predicted last week, Fockers had the edge across the board but Pogiboys matched Fockers punch for punch. Blake Bortles outscored Andrew Luck. LeSean McCoy wasn’t far behind LeVeon Bell. Sure, Alvin’s Bears defense lost seven points, but Hong’s Dolphins were negative two also. And even though Jimmy Graham and LeGarrette Blount turned in nice games — while DeAndre Hopkins and Demaryius Thomas were both pretty much M.I.A. — the career 27.5 point game from Kelce pushed Pogiboys into the lead come Sunday night. A win would have given Pogiboys their first title, after losing in their lone previous Super Bowl appearance in 2013. Alvin had to be sitting at home, hoping Bryant wouldn’t suit up for Monday night, as he had a large red “Q” next to his name. But alas, we know what happened next…

• #7 Fockers (7-6) def #4 MoRRie’s Pogiboys (9-4), 110.0 - 87.5

For Fockers, it’s been a culmination of a long path for them toward championship status. GM Hong came into the league with a lot of aplomb in 2012, taking over day-to-day operations for Eric. After a season of seasoning, Hong completely took over a struggling Human Amoebas franchise in 2013 — losing records in four of their last five seasons — and went 7-6, 10-3, 5-8, and 7-6 since, with two postseason appearances, one The Wood division title, and two Super Bowl appearances. Impressive stuff. And the cherry on top was this title, which was so poetic because it was in 2015, coming off his first Super Bowl appearance, that Hong pushed all-in for Dez Bryant. Five picks (including two first rounders) and one 5-8 season later, Hong was likely regretting his move. But the fantasy gods reward boldness, and Bryant was the hero of this title story, just one year later.

In fact, master gambler Hong has proven that he’s got the golden touch in many of his moves. There was the trade away of Matthew Stafford — keeping Andrew Luck — that netted him Demaryius Thomas. And then there was the 2013 #1 overall selection of LeVeon Bell, who has been one of the best fantasy players since. Hong assembled so much talent that his Fockers were given the mythical title of “best keeper core” heading into 2015, and it was only that one year dip that prevented them from capturing a title earlier.

We called this year's 7-6 Fockers our potential playoffs dark horse and now they've come through with three brilliant playoff wins and a shiny new ring!!! How about we remove that asterisk now? The Fockers are the no-asterik best team in Maize and Blue, congrats!

As for Morrie’s Pogiboys, the story remains the same: great team but can’t get over the hump. Despite having a load of regular season success over the years — and now two Super Bowl appearances — Alvin keeps getting upended by Another Bad Creation or an upset minded Super Bowl challenger. With four Hoke-A-Mania division titles in the last five years — an astounding ten division titles overall — it’s old hat for Pogi fans to celebrate September through November and then get their dreams crushed in December. If the Cavs and the Cubs can end their title droughts, why can’t Morrie’s team?! Better luck next year Alvin, and we’ll be rooting for your first championship soon.

Toilet Bowl II

#14 Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (4-9) vs #16 Shoguns of Harlem (3-10)
In an unexpected romp, Hungry Hungry Ouroboros finally won something in this league, a Toilet Bowl! With two low seeds in the Toilet Bowl Finals, we knew someone in need would emerge with a #1 overall pick — and the second place finisher would get nothing. With another 200+ yard day from Jay Ajayi, and a huge outing by Cameron Meredith, Ouroboros saved their best game of the year for their biggest game of the year, putting up 112 points to defeat Shoguns of Harlem by more than fifty points — and had two players put up zeros to boot. It's been a lost season for Ouroboros, but they had Matt Ryan piloting them the whole way, and now can go home with something in hand. Now they’ll look forward to figuring out with college player to draft next year. Should GM Jon take Gabriel Peppers?!

• #14 Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (4-9) def #16 Shoguns of Harlem (3-10), 112 - 57

Shoguns had been solid all Toilet Bowl playoffs, but they misfired during the finals and only had Alshon Jeffery and Justin Tucker go over double digits by Sunday night, and Matt Stafford wasn’t going to make up 60+ points by himself, so this game was all but decided by MNF. Overall, it was a nice run by Mike’s team, but he’ll have to settle for getting the second overall pick either way, as Shoguns were the lowest seed entering this tournament and the only way to improve their draft position would have been to win the Toilet Bowl. Note: Shoguns were the top seed in last year’s Toilet Bowl, but lost in the finals to 100AW Pooh Bears. So should they hope for a third shot at a consolation win? Or can they make it into the playoffs next year?

Super Bowl Preview 2016

#4 MoRRie’s Pogiboys (9-4) vs #7 Fockers (7-6)
We're gonna have a first time champion, as Alvin and Hong both took care of business in the conference finals, defeating their lower seeded opponents. And now the two ex-Funktion members face off in a Super Bowl that will be mostly determined on Christmas Day! Who's going to receive a lump of coal and who's going to get a shiny new ring!? (Everyone paid up their dues yet?) Let's go to the tale of the tape...

QB: It’s Andrew Luck versus Blake Bortles, which on paper sounds like one of the biggest mismatches in championship game history. And while Bortles has only topped double digits in one of his last three games, it’s not like Luck has been overly spectacular recently, with only 16 and 18 points in his last two outings. Still, Luck versus Bortles is no competition. (Is there a chance Pogi rolls the dice with Robert Griffin III?!) EDGE: Fockers

RB: Once upon a time, Alvin’s team had Eddie Lacy as his lead back, but now his running game relies on a rejuvenated LeSean McCoy and um, not much else. Duke Johnson will likely get the start but he’s basically a five point guy, unless he can sneak in a touchdown. Fockers features two top ten backs in LeVeon Bell and LeGarrette Blount. Both are locks for double figures and there’s no telling what Bell is capable of on a week by week basis. Even with McCoy cancelling out a big day by Bell, Blount versus Johnson is a win for Hong’s backfield. EDGE: Fockers

WR: Again, on paper this is a no brainer: Dez Bryant and Demaryius Thomas versus DeAndre Hopkins and Chris Hogan (or possibly John Brown or Sammie Coates). Alvin will have to choose which secondary receiver he’d like to gamble with, while Hong will have the luxury of two #1WRs to just leave in his lineup. Dez and Demaryius face tough defenses but that shouldn’t prevent them from outscoring Hopkins and whoever lines up next to him. Also, Dez plays on Monday Night, which could have big implications if this game gets tight...  EDGE: Fockers

TE: Now we’ve got a real competition! Travis Kelce has really come on recently, with four great games in his last five — all 100+ yard efforts — while Jimmy Graham has been erratic at best. The top end for both of these guys may be similar but Kelce has demonstrated a lot more consistency and explosiveness to close the season. Could a tight end lead Alvin to the promised land? He may have to count on it! EDGE: Pogiboys

DEF: While Pogi’s Bears defense has put up some nice games recently, they’re going to be facing off against an explosive Washington offense at just the wrong time. There’s a possibility that these Bears could even pull of a negative score, which they’ve done in three straight weeks, WK10-12. On the other hand, Fockers’ Dolphins defense is coming off two good weeks, and face a Bills team in snowy Buffalo that could keep the score low, giving the Dolphins at least a respectable fantasy score at the end of the day. EDGE: Fockers

K: To be honest, both kickers could be better here, as Hong’s insistence on holding onto a Chargers kicker, Josh Lambo, has resulted in only about four points per game in the last month. Lambo should have been replaced weeks ago. But it’s not like Dan Carpenter has been incredible either, although he seems at least capable of reaching 8-9 points this week. EDGE: Pogiboys

Prediction: Despite being the lower seed, Fockers is the heavy favorite here, with an edge in every key position, save tight end. Fockers are in the best position to grab their first title, and aside from a mega-flop from the Bell and Blount combo, we’re looking at an easy double digit win and champagne in the OC by Sunday night. Let’s just hope there’s no blog curse….

2016 RD2: Upsets-ville

What a week, as nearly every top seed — minus Pogiboys, who was barely a home team — won their matchups in upsets that rocked the post-season! Let’s take a look at which of these underdogs could be on their way to the Super Bowl!

#4 MoRRie’s Pogiboys (9-4) vs #6 Another Bad Creation (8-5)
By the time Chris Hogan hit MNF, Alvin had already wrapped up his upset win, behind LeSean McCoy and Blake Bortles. Now they’ll face off against our defending champs, who sleepwalked through a 55-32.5 win versus P Funk All Stars. With that dirty week off the board, ABC will need more heroics from last year's playoff MVP, Kirk Cousins, to lead the way. Or will the only top seed left in the tournament -- and winner of four straight -- Pogiboys dish out enough firepower against a ABC team that hasn’t gone over 67 points in two weeks. A playoff win here would be nice for Alvin, as ABC has eliminated Pogiboys in the first round in 2012 and 2015.

#7 Fockers (7-6) vs #8 Detroit Players (7-6)
The Fockers blasted #2 seed Sweep The Leg Zabka by over thirty points behind LeVeon Bell’s 49 big ones. Detroit Players meanwhile, escaped a matchup with 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears behind Breshad Perriman’s 6.5 point MNF effort, securing a tight three point victory. Which of these 7-6 teams will move onto the Super Bowl? The big names are all on Hong’s side — Bell, Andrew Luck, Dez Bryant, Jimmy Graham, Demaryius Thomas — but there’s always a chance that Jameis Winston can produce a miracle upset, but he’ll need Jeremy Hill to continue his strong running efforts. The Players haven’t had much playoff success since 2008 — when they won the title — but with a long awaited post-season win under their belts, they could be gaining momentum for another ring.

Toilet Bowl RD2 Matchups [Edit: Corrected 12/18/16]
#10 Mandalorian Warriors (6-7) vs #16 Shoguns of Harlem (3-10)
#12 Squirtle Squad (4-9) vs #14 Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (4-9)

Playoff Matchups 2016

Half of our eight playoff teams are returning from last year, and three of them are former champs. Who will win it all this year?!

#1 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (10-3) vs #8 Detroit Players (7-6)
Pooh Bears took a title three years ago and after two years out of the postseason, are poised to do it again. As the only team to average over 100+ per game — 105.8 ppg to be exact — Pooh Bears have the power running duo of David Johnson and Ezekiel Elliot, as well as Cam Newton tossing the rock to Antonio Brown and Mike Evans. It’ll be next to impossible for Detroit Players to pull an upset here, as they enter the playoffs with a negative PF/PA number — and no AJ Green. However, by winning four of their last five games, Players should just be be happy to be here. A #8-1 upset would be mighty sweet though!

#2 Sweep the Leg Zabka (9-4) vs #7 Fockers (7-6)
After entering the league in 2014, Zabka has made three straight post-season trips, and was the Super Bowl runner-up last year. They had a seven game winning streak — before a dud in WK13 — and have the suddenly good Latavius Murray to bolster the run game next to Drew Brees, Odell Beckham, and Jamison Crowder — although losing Rob Gronkowski hurts them. The Fockers have a recent Super Bowl appearance of their own, two years ago, and are dangerous with three wins -- all 100+ games -- in their last four matchups. Andrew Luck, LeVeon Bell, and Dez Bryant are a formidable trio, and this team also features LeGarrette Blount, Demaryius Thomas, and Jimmy Graham for additional depth. Is this our playoffs dark horse?

#3 P Funk All Stars (9-4) vs #6 Another Bad Creation (8-5)
A 7-2 start slid into a 2-2 finish, but P Funk has been steady all year behind the Derek Carr and Amari Cooper combo, and took The Knights Who Say Ni division title. With literally no running game — starter Darren Sproles is basically a receiver — Cooper will have to be joined by DeVante Parker and Donte Moncrief on the scoreboard to power this team to playoff success. (Another home team with a great road record, 5-0, versus a so-so home record, just 4-4.) While ABC couldn’t capture another division title, they still have a shot to go back-to-back. While they seem a bit underpowered on paper. Kirk Cousins proved his championship season last year was no fluke and he’s got the explosive Terrelle Pryor and Michael Thomas to throw to — where did Stefon Diggs and Jordan Reed fade off to? It’ll have to be a true team effort for Another Bad Creation to defend their title.

#4 MoRRie’s Pogiboys (9-4) vs #5 Ann Arbor Bamfers (9-4)
A thrilling WK13 matchup determined the Big House division title this year, as LeSean McCoy and Bears DST held off Bamfer’s Golden Tate and Melvin Gordon. And now these team will have an immediate matchup to determine who moves onto the next round. The slight edge might go to the underdog Bamfers actually, as Philip Rivers and Gordon are a nice combo, as Pogiboys has Blake Bortles at the helm…of the Titanic (or do they roll the dice with Robert Griffin?!). The key matchup may be Travis Kelce versus Delanie Walker at the tight end position. After missing the playoffs for the past two years, a first round win would sure be nice for Randy’s team.

Toilet Bowl Matchups 2016

Last year, 100 Wood Pooh Bears won our first ever Toilet Bowl, and drafted Ezekiel Elliot, and now they're the number seed in the playoffs. Coincidence?! I think not. So who will be the lucky winner of our Toilet Bowl II? Let's find out!

#9 Italion Stallionz (6-7) vs #16 Shoguns of Harlem (3-10)
After finishing one game out of a playoff spot, Stallionz is the favorite to win the Toilet Bowl. Unfortunately, they have a better away versus home record this season and host the last place Shoguns. The good news is they have Marcus Mariota, a surging Devonta Freeman, and emergent Tyreek Hill on their side. If the Shoguns are going to pull an upset after recording the fewest wins in MnB this year, they’ll need more than just Matthew Stafford to lead them there. After a seven game winning streak, they got a nice win in WK13 versus a winning team, but can they do it again in the Toilet Bowl?

#10 Mandalorian Warriors (6-7) vs #15 Original Salt (4-9)
Another home field advantage team who had a horrible home record. The Warriors accrued only one home win season, so while they have the “advantage” in their first Toilet Bowl appearance, they are spiraling downward, having lost four of their last five games. Warriors will need big weeks from Aaron Rodgers, DeMarco Murray, and Julian Edelman to stay afloat. Call it a grudge match, but Warriors called out the Original Salt franchise mid-season for mismanagement so this will be a good chance for coach Reno to punch back. Then again, with a league low average of 66.9 points per game, Salt isn’t exactly a powerhouse despite going 3-2 down the stretch…

#11 Team Cameltoe (5-8) vs #14 Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (4-9)
An even 4-5 start gave way to 1-3 down the stretch, leaving Cameltoe out of the playoffs. They are the rare Toilet Bowl team to have a positive PF/PA breakdown, and have the three J’s — Julio Jones, Jordy Nelson, Jordan Howard — ready to grab a victory. And it’s not like Hungry Ouroboros can put up much of a challenge, as they’ve found it hard to find consistency with five players hitting IR this season and only the happy lights of Matt Ryan and Dak Prescott to lead the way. Also, you can only start one QB… The only good news for Ouroboros all season has been the emergence of Rishard Matthews, who has been the #8 WR since WK5.

#12 Squirtle Squad (4-9) vs #13 Jedi Knights (4-9)
The Squirtles haven’t had a winning season since 2009 and they finished 1-4 to crash near the bottom of the league yet again. [Edit: they actually went 10-2-1 last season and won The Wood division last season. Whoops!] One man can’t make a team, and even if that one man is Tom Brady, Squirtles could face an early exit if someone else doesn’t step up this week — sad face to the IR seasons by Adrian Peterson and Keenan Allen. Lum decided to welcome in Star Wars Rogue One by going 1-7 down the stretch after a 3-2 start -- at one point they were leading their division in scoring too. "This is a rebellion, isn't it? I rebel lose.” With a leaky defense and only TY Hilton providing any sort of consistency, Jedi Knights will need a huge week from Eli Manning to have a shot at victory.

Power Rankings 2016

Playoff Teams
1. 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (10-3) - Ohana Division Champion. Best Overall Record
2. Sweep the Leg Zabka (9-4) - Green and White Division Champion. Next Best Overall Record. Wins tiebreak over P-Funk and Pogiboys via Most Points Scored.
3. P Funk All Stars (9-4) - The Knights Who Say Ni Division Champion. Wins tiebreak over Pogiboys via H2H.
4. MoRRie’s Pogiboys (9-4) - The Big House Division Champion. Wins division tiebreak over Bamfers via Best Division Record.
5. Ann Arbor Bamfers (9-4) - Next Best Overall Record
6. Another Bad Creation (8-5) - Next Best Overall Record
7. * Fockers (7-6) - Next Best Overall Record. Wins tiebreak over Players via H2H
8. Detroit Players (7-6) - Next Best Overall Record

Non-Playoff Teams
9. Italian Stallionz (6-7) - Next Best Overall Record. Wins tiebreak over Warriors via H2H
10. Mandalorian Warriors (6-7) - Next Best Overall Record.
11. Team Cameltoe (5- - Next Best Overall Record
12. Squirtle Squad (4-9) - Next Best Overall Record. Wins tiebreak over Jedi/Salt/Ouroboros via common winning % (among the 4)
13. Jedi Knights (4-9) - Next Best Overall Record. Wins tiebreak over Salt/Ouroboros via common winning % (among the 3)
14. Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (4-9) - Next Best Overall Record. Wins tiebreak over Salt via H2H
15. Original Salt (4-9) - Next Best Overall Record
16. Shoguns of Harlem (3-10) - Next Best Overall Record

2016 Standings

Full Standings