Saturday, October 4, 2014

West Conf Early Look: Hoke-A-Mania

It’s been a bad first month of the season for division namesake Brady Hoke, and the same with this division. The highest scoring team in the division — Team Cameltoe -- is ranked only 10th in PF. Yes, welcome to Maize and Blue’s weakest division, again. [2013 Early Season Look]

Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (2-2)
After vaulting out of the gate with two strong wins, Ouroboros has collapsed in recent weeks as their team has fallen apart. Many would blame the bad karma from the Ray Rice trade, and it would be hard to disagree. The fantasy football gods don’t look kindly on teams that harbor villains. The recent season ending injury to Dennis Pitta also left a gaping hole at tight end, exposing yet another leak for this team to plug.

The good news is that sophomore RB Giovani Bernard as emerged as a top option, with 16.0 ppg in his three appearances. Matt Ryan has also found another gear, throwing three TDs in three separate games so far. Aside from those two however, the rest of the roster has been mostly so-so. Victor Cruz has redeemed himself after a slow start but Eric Decker has regressed as expected. Free agent pickup Ahmad Bradshaw has produced some nice games upon signing, which has eased the pain of 2014 first rounder Toby Gerhart’s pathetic start to the season. Darren Sproles has been electric in real life, but a non-factor as a fantasy player. Young RBs Jerick McKinnon and Alfred Blue could both move ahead of him on the depth chart soon. With bad karma still coming in every which way, it’ll be a tough fight for Jon to remain at the top of this division.

Team Cameltoe (1-3)
Last year’s expensive rebuild resulted in a 2-11 season, and Cameltoe’s number one overall pick being gifted to 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears. How goes year two? Well, it’s hard to say. After stumbling out of the gate 0-2 in low scoring losses, Cameltoe has looked more respectable of late. Led by the high flying duo of Jordy Nelson and Julio Jones, Cameltoe could climb up the ranks to respectability quickly in this weak division.

Russell Wilson is the only QB to not be a top scorer for his team, but that’s mainly because he’s only played three games. Seattle’s offense has looked very impressive this season and after Wilson’s WK4 bye, he’ll now be around to lead this team the rest of the way. That’s good because recent trade acquisition EJ Manuel just got booted to the curb by the Bills. We’re a little puzzled by the Isaiah Crowell for Jordan Matthews trade, as Cameltoe is clearly stronger at WR than RB. Knile Davis is returning to a backup role and it had looked like Crowell was only gaining steam. Yes, Doug Martin is back from injury, and free agent steal Lorezno Taliaferro is on-board, but Matthews didn’t seem to have the upside of Crowell. We would have liked to see a spare RB traded for a TE, since Felipe has rotated through three of them already this season.

MoRRie’s Pogiboys (1-3)
Alvin’s team has faced three teams that have hit the DeLorean mark already this season, resulting in all three of their losses. Their lone win was a 61-46 affair in WK3 against Ann Arbor Bamfers. For a team that had hopes of returning to another Super Bowl, the road will obviously be much tougher this time around.

Calvin Johnson is leading the team in points, but he’s been hobbled since WK2. And Fat Eddie Lacy is starting to make Pogiboys fans wonder if his rookie season was the height of career. And oh yeah, Tom Brady is averaging 8.8 points a game, down on the charts with the likes of Jake Locker and Drew Stanton. To add insult to emotional injury: Tom Terrible has been replaced in the lineup by rookie Blake Bortles just a month into the season. Hey, at least TE Travis Kelce seems to be getting better with each game! As is rookie running back Khiry Robinson. Veterans Michael Crabtree and Percy Harvin have been more than erratic however. GM Alvin has been streaming defenses this season, but as their PA and three losses can attest, they’ve stopped nobody this season. Except, so far, themselves.

Ann Arbor Bamfers (1-3)
In a strange quirk, Bamfers is the only team in the division with a positive PF/PA split. In fact, they are scoring 7.8 points more than their opponent this season, yet they’ve only picked up one win — a WK4 victory over 0-4 P Funk All Stars. Randy’s team hasn’t seen a winning season since 2005 — despite making the playoffs last year — and they’re going to need to come together quickly to end that streak now.

It seems like Bamfers have two pretty useable QBs in Colin Kaepernick and Nick Foles. Neither have been spectacular but both are solidly starter worthy. Perhaps one could be shipped off for a much needed receiver? The passing game could use a strong WR#1 alongside James Jones, Golden Tate, and Kendall Wright. The WK4 insertion of TE Delanie Walker for an inept Heath Miller was at least a week late. Frank Gore is still getting lots of carries, but the Buffalo timeshare of C.J. Spiller and Fred Jackson continue to hurt both running backs. All in all, Bamfers aren’t in any worse shape than any of the other teams in this division, and with a few tweaks, they could potentially challenge for that elusive winning season.

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