Draft Review 2012

Yes, I'm aware the draft is still going on but I don't care. Here at MB-ESPN we like to jump the gun on everything. Plus there's a good reason we're only gonna cover the first five rounds. You'll see below. If I've somehow evaluated your players falsely, please send a formal complaint to the commissioner. Just remember, it's not personal. Okay, you're right, it's totally personal.

Round One
After trading up for the number one overall pick, Pogiboys went with the consensus number one rookie, RB Trent Richardson. With a gaping hole at running back, people say that Richardson is the next Adrian Peterson but it seems like so far the only thing they have in common is a knee injury. Still, this was the absolute right pick here. The other widely touted rookie, RB Doug Martin went next to Pooh Bears, who moved quite a few picks to get up to 1.2. Martin will be a nice luxury since he'll get the chance to grow into his role behind Ray Rice and Ryan Mathews.

Part of the huge bounty of picks received by the Amoebas' 2010 trade of Andre Johnson, GM Eric shocked pundits by taking Andrew Luck off the board. With franchise caliber Matthew Stafford already a keeper, what was the thinking? Sources at Amoebas' camp said that Luck will be purely a developmental pick. "We looked around and saw that all the great QBs of the moment were big white guys who stood around in the pocket. Guess what Luck is? A big white guy who stands in the pocket! We're proud to have Stafford on board but having two big white guys can't hurt. We could also play them both at the same time, which could really confuse opponents." If Luck develops as expected, Eric could have a great trade chip in the coming few months.

The last top rookie to go, QB Robert Griffin III, was destined for Detroit Players at 1.4. One of the few franchises that didn't keep a QB, they had Tim Tebow last year but will substitute a new run/pass threat. If RG3 is the next Cam Newton, this pick will go a long way toward Ariel's rebuild. Even though we'd love to tell you that this pick isn't going to help. It probably will. We would like to know who the choice would have been between Luck and Griffin, if Amoebas hadn't leapt in. Care to disclose Ariel?

The Pooh Bears and Bamfers went twice before most teams had even gone once. J went with Kendall Wright while Randy went with hometown sleeper Titus Young. We like both of them and think Young especially will get see a nice season. Wright is likely too young to make a true difference but someone has to catch the ball in Tennessee and Wright could be it.

The Itallion Stallionz scooped up Demaryius Thomas and Steven Ridley at 1.5 and 1.8 respectively. Porta's gonna need both to step up immediately to fill out his starting roster. We think both will pan out nicely and will be solid. The Bamfers selected Benjarvus Green-Ellis after Thomas and then Cameltoe swiped David Wilson. Which RB do we like better? Well, the Bamfers already have Fred Jackson, Frank Gore, Peyton Hillis, and CJ Spiller so we'd have preferred someone with a bit more upside than Green-Ellis for this pick. However, it's hard to argue with a guaranteed 10 TDs from Law Firm. I mean, if by guaranteed you mean "maybe." As for David Wilson, he could be a sneaky great pick for when Ahmad Bradshaw inevitably goes down. We like Felipe's upside gamble here. Wilson has already been making a name for himself this pre-season by "running with such flair that teammates have to tell him to tone it down."

Wilson probably replied, "Flair? That's not flair. I'll show you flair."

Rhythm Drive wins the "first pick I had to Google" contest when Reno selected TE Coby Fleener with pick 1.11. Fleener could be the next great tight end at an imposing 6-foot-6, 250 lbs. And he will definitely serve as a dominating center for Reno's AAU squads. Let's hope Fleener likes to play basketball in his off-seasons. We like what Reno did here, making a pick for fantasy and for real life. How he'll disguise Fleener as a sixth grader is beyond me though.

Earlier this week it was announced that The Office is coming back for one last season so this is the year Dunder Mifflin Paper Company has to make its big championship push right? With a strong running game, Mike needs his first round pick, WR Malcolm Floyd, to really come through. I can tell you that there are literally no wide receivers in San Diego left -- the Chargers even called me in yesterday for a tryout, but I ran a 8.2 in the 40 so that didn't help -- and Floyd will have every opportunity to become the next Vincent Jackson.

We thought RB Isaac Redman would have gone higher since he could take over starting duties in Pittsburgh. P Funk All Stars used the first of their back-to-backs on Redman and that could pan out nicely as this team desperately needs another runner to step up. You could question selecting a D/ST in the first round but 49ers defense should be a top three squad and Paolo knows that with his offense in some upheaveal, a strong defense could lead the way to a few wins. We'd like P Funk to draft Tim Tebow late, so we can recreate the fantasy version of the the 2011 Broncos season. A stiff defense, the magic of Tebow, all leading to a head scratching playoff spot. We gave P Funk awful keeper scores so we're interested to see what kind of upside picks are coming.

Wrapping up an interesting first round was Jedi Knights with RB Kevin Smith and Another Bad Creation grabbing Reggie Bush with the last selection. We think Smith will be a great sleeper and if he can stay healthy, he's immediately Chris' best running back. As for Oliver's pick, he'll get a low end starting RB in Bush and that could be perfect as Marshawn Lynch and Darren McFadden will get most of the carries anyway.

Best pick: Isaac Redman, P Funk All Stars (1.13)
Most obscure: Coby Fleener, Rhythm Drive (1.11)

Round Two
Starting off the next round, Squirtle Squad gets in the action by taking RB Ronnie Hillman. The Broncos rookie will take some time rounding into form as he's been dinged up but he could become useful later in the season as he elevates himself to Willis McGahee's backup and probable successor. Brian will need another starter though, as Adrian Peterson is the only other RB on the roster. Only one other running back was picked this round, Donald Brown way down at 2.11 by Reno.

At the top of the round after Hillman was Justin Blackmon, Nate Washington, Reggie Wayne, and TE Kyle Rudolph. Throw in Anquan Boldin (2.8), Derrius Heyward-Bey (2.12), and TEs Fred Davis and Jared Cook and it was clear that most owners were looking for serviceable pass catchers. How did Reggie Wayne slip to Porta at 2.3? Sure he's not that good anymore but he's a 1,000 yard receiver at the very worst. We think he's a steal here.

Pogiboys and Mandalorian Warriors both had three second round selections but they did very different things with them. Alvin pretty much had to go starting quarterback hunting, and he took Josh Freeman and Jake Locker. We like Freeman to have a bounce back year. Furthermore, the Pogiboys will need Nate Washington to be the wide receiver that takes charge in Tennessee. He could certainly do it, as Washington was surprisingly effective last year in a desperate situation.

Newsflash if you didn't know, the Mandalorian Warriors are going for a championship this season. After a bitter defeat in the Super Bowl last season, the Warriors have traded the future for the now. With an enviable keeper core and no first round draft picks until the back half of this decade, Matt went for a strong backup quarterback for Drew Brees in Ben Roethlisberger and TWO defenses. We don't know if the Bears or Eagles are better but taking them both solves that problem. Go Beagles!

Another Bad Creation went kicker very early, taking David Akers with the last pick in the second round. The earliest kicker selection in the past five years was 2007, when Matt Stover went off the board at 3.7. Does Oliver know something we don't? Perhaps. I mean, Akers did have a record breaking year last season, and he's finished in the top two in kicker points four years in a row. Of course, none of the last seventeen kickers to have scored 140+ points went over 140 again the following season so we'll see about this high priced kicker.

Best pick: Reggie Wayne, Italian Stallionz (2.4)
Most obscure: Kyle Rudolph, Detroit Players (2.5)

Round Three
A couple of teams haven't even gotten a pick yet. Wayne State Tartars entered the fray with Jonathan Stewart at 3.3 while Hungry Hungry Ouroboros selected Rashad Jennings at 3.15. Both are running backs stuck behind other running backs but they have some value, especially if an injury occurs. In fact, this round had a lot of backup RBs as Toby Gerhart, Jacquizz Rogers, and Evan Royster also went off the board. Any of those three could emerge as a quality starter by mid-season. We're curious if Royster or Roy Helu will emerge in Washington, or if both will split the carries and negate each other's value. Plus they have to fend off Tim Hightower.

I feel like P Funk All Stars got so many picks this draft. At 3.1 and 3.13, they took Brian Quick and Michael Floyd. Paolo only needs one of them to show signs of breaking out. Our bet is on Floyd. 100 Acre Pooh Bears also got two receivers this round, Lance Moore and Brandon LaFell. LaFell could be better after a semi-disappointing rookie year and Lance Moore is good for at least a few starts each season. With Dez Bryant ailing, Moore especially could be pressed into duty for J early on.

Dunder Mifflin should get a refund on pick 3.12, Austin Collie. After yet another concussion, he needs to retire like yesterday. Seriously bro, you got a lot of life left to live. You're a possession receiver, you're always gonna get hit. You need to stop the madness. Who's against giving Mike a re-do on this pick? If you are, you have no heart. Just like Collie will soon have no brains...

Five picks were selected using auto-draft this round. Stewart, Gerhart, Stephen Gostkowski, Alshon Jeffrey, and Giants defense. Okay more likely this was ranked but let it be noted that round three is when owners feel like it's safe to turn on auto. Unless that Another Bad Creation pick of David Akers was selected by the computer last round, which would explain a lot.

Best pick: Jonathan Stewart, Wayne State Tartars (3.3)
Most obscure: Alshon Jeffrey, Team Cameltoe (3.9)

Round Four
Here we go, the upside rookies are gone and it's veterans who lack upside or bargains who might break out now that they've had some seasoning. In the former category is Alex Smith, Carson Palmer, Randy Moss, Santonio Holmes, Santana Moss. You know what you're getting here. A little bit of production and a lot of over the hill. Holmes is technically not old but most of us agree that better days are not ahead for him in that Jets' offense led by Sanchatebow. And if anyone is drinking that Randy Moss Kool Aid, I'm gonna go ahead and say that he's done considering Smith can't throw the deep ball to him.

Tight ends Brent Celek (Bamfers) and Owen Daniels (Warriors) were both once highly touted but probably will never become stars. That's okay though as they will fall in the middle of the pack for TEs -- plus Daniels will play behind Gronk for the Warriors. In this round we also have Packers defense and Seahawks defense becoming the fifth and sixth defenses selected (but only fifth team because of Warriors' double defenses earlier). That should take care of the elite ones.

Now for our reclamation projects and bargains with upside category: Randall Cobb, Danny Amendola, Davone Bess, Michael Bush, Daniel Thomas. All these guys have shown flashes or at least has an opportunity for quality work this season. Bush is the only one who has proven to be fantasy relevant but for now he'll be a valuable backup in Chicago. Daniel Thomas was literally the worst last season but he presents decent value after being drafted ultra-high last season.

Mandalorian Warriors had a whopping four picks this round: Randy Moss, Santonio Holmes, Isaiah Pead, and Owen Daniels. He's reassembled Holmes and Daniels from last year and secured Steven Jackson's backup in Pead. We call this incredible 2012 draft by Matt the "double bag strategy." Make sure you got a backup plan for any emergency and then be extra safe on top of that. I don't know about you, but I like this safety first method.

Best pick: Michael Bush, Human Amoebas (4.10)
Most obscure: Seahawks defense, Pooh Bears (4.16) I know the Seahawks have a defense, but I had no idea they were good! Oh wait, are they? Is Cortez Kennedy back or something?

Round Five
Okay, this is where I pretty much broke Google looking up these players: Dion Lewis, Rueben Randle, Josh Gordon, Robert Turbin, Mike Goodson. For real, my magazine didn't even list those guys except on the depth chart. And only Goodson had a mini-blurb. I'll save you some time and just tell you what I learned.

RB Dion Lewis could be the backup to LeSean McCoy for his second season, nice safety valve. Giants rookie Reuben Randle could soon be a famous sandwich at Katz's Deli if he plays well. Fellow rookie WR Josh Gordon got picked up in the supplemental draft and the Browns must really love him because they gave up a 2013 RD1. RB Robert Turbin could start for Marshawn Lynch early as Lynch serves a possible suspension. We think he'll be good for no reason at all because "Turbin" is a good fantasy name. Okay, that's not true. Like at all. It's a horrible football name! Fourth year RB Mike Goodson was stuck behind DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart in Carolina and could be the primary backup for Darren McFadden -- aka the starter for at least six games -- if he can beat out Taiwan Jones.

Speaking of Mr. Jones. Nobody touch him. Seriously. Don't draft him unless you were also, like me, born in the Republic of China and then emigrated here. Actually, this should be a house rule. If a player is named after the country/region you're from, you get him automatically. For example, I would get Taiwan Jones and Reno would get Cebu Jones. And Porta would get Italy Jones. And the rest of you could flip for America Jones or Michigan Jones -- or wherever you're from. You with me?

The rest of this round also featured low/no upside running backs like Tim Hightower, LeGarrette Blount, and then fliers on Matt Flynn, Matt Cassell, and Ryan Tannehill. Our "highly optimistic but could work out" player of the round is Kendall Hunter by Pogiboys, who will have to fight hard to get some carries behind Frank Gore. Maybe he'll do it if someone shackles Gore, Brandon Jacobs, and rookie LaMichael James but it's unlikely. Still, we like owners who dream big.

Best pick: Taiwan Jones, Hungry Hungry Ouroboros (upcoming)
Most obscure: Robert Turbin, Pooh Bears (5.14)

Alright, we have to stop at round five because I don't know most of these players anymore. And there's only so much I can say about kickers, defenses, and random players' little CBS blurbs I click on. We got five more rounds to go and then the 2012 season will be ready for kickoff. Who's excited?!

Also, who else loves this elapsed time counter on the draft page? It allows us to do in-depth analysis like this:

Putting a lot of thought into it
9 hrs 18 min 48 sec - Italian Stallionz select Lions defense (5.4)
8 hrs 28 min 37 sec - Dunder Mifflin select Matt Cassel (5.12)
7 hrs 52 min 24 sec - Rhythm Drive select Matt Flynn (5.11)
7 hrs 35 min 48 sec - Detroit Players select Packers defense (4.5)
6 hrs 46 min 32 sec - Rhythm Drive select Donald Brown (2.11)

Quick draw award
29 sec - Dunder Mifflin select Malcolm Floyd (1.12)