Hindsight: Week One

Whew, that was some close games this week right? I mean, so I hear. I don't have a television so I haven't been able to watch any football yet. I know, it's sad. I am even thinking of getting NFL Replay just to get to the games. It's pathetic but true. The good news is that I know everything that happened as I closely monitor Twitter, ESPN, and podcasts. So here we go, a brief look at WK1 and some of the ultra-close games that went down to the wire.

68-67, Rhythm Drive defeat Ann Arbor Bamfers
With his high flying wide receivers basically falling flat on their faces, Reno was worried heading into MNF. Larry Fitzgerald, Greg Jennings, and Santana Moss combined to score only one more point than the Bamfer's Anquan Boldin. With Matt Forte and Frank Gore playing to a standstill, Reno needed Rivers to come up with a halfway decent game.

Luckily, Rivers did just that with 13 points off of 231 passing yards and one passing TD, giving Rhythm Drive the win! For the Bamfers, losing Fred Jackson doomed them to this loss, but the good news is they have CJ Spiller waiting to step in. "Handcuff your running back" should be right up there with "don't text while driving" and "click it or ticket" on the list of safety rules everyone should follow. Thanks for reminding us Randy.

89-82, Italian Stallionz defeat Dunder Mifflin Paper Company
The retroactive game of the week featured double digit performances by every player save three, and an incredible loss fueled by a negative defensive effort. Porta's Stallionz got excellent performances from Tom Brady and Demaryius Thomas, 17 pts each, and even got a nifty 136 receiving yards from Reggie Wayne. Who needs Peyton when you've got Luck?

Mike's Paper Company wasn't going to go down without their own huge performances though, as Tony Romo (23 pts), Arian Foster (19 pts), and kicker Matt Bryant (17 pts) made for an interesting counterpunch. Of course, Bills defense threw up a ghastly -8 so Mike needed Malcolm Floyd to come up big on MNF. Mr. Floyd had a respectable 66 yards with a TD but that wasn't nearly enough to make up the gap. In the end, Porta and Brady marched away with a fantastic first week win.

Tidbits:

• High scorer Team Cameltoe had exactly 100 points. Someone mentioned on GroupMe that this was the first week they could recall with only one team going over the century mark. Cameltoe did it behind impressive days by Jay Cutler, Julio Jones, and Ravens defense. Oh and a spicy -2 from starting running back David Wilson.
• That Alfred Morris trade for Jedi Knights is looking pretty good now right? A 2020 3rd round pick for a young running back that received 28 carries and scored 2 TDs on his first start? Bet Jedi Knights can't wait for WK2 to get him off their bench.
• WR Kevin Ogletree is the week's #3 scorer behind Matt Ryan and Robert Griffin III. He had 23 points on 114 yards and 2 TDs. The next free agent who had a breakout is TE Dennis Pitta, who had 13 points and was #43 on the WK1 scoring chart. Any bets on if Ogletree is more than just a one week wonder?
• Nate Kaeding dropped in five field goals and an extra point, trying to single handedly bring Human Amoebas back on MNF against Mandalorian Warriors. Kaeding came up just three field goals short. Good try though. If the Amoebas had won, the entire The Wood Division would have started off undefeated. Way to let your division down Eric.
• P Funk All Stars fell flat on their face in WK1, giving new owner Jon an easy 97-41 victory. Thank you for your kindness Paolo, please come join our GroupMe as you are the only one not there yet. "Booted for inactivity..."
• Ten defenses and sixteen kickers scored in double digits, compared to twenty RBs, twenty eight WRs, and eleven TEs. I feel like I'm going to be talking about DEF and K for high scorers a lot. Billy Cundiff for MVP!