2018 East / Blue: Ohana

Italian Stallionz (4-9, 6-7)
The road back to respectability is filled with potholes, as Stallionz went from five wins in 2015, six wins in 2016, and then dipped to four wins in 2017. The good news is Porta’s team has Aaron Rodgers. Plus Tyreek Hill, who is a threat to score every time he touches the ball. The bad news is, that might be about it. Keepers Tevin Coleman and Jamaal Williams project as split-time backs, Michael Crabtree is now an old Raven, and I literally have no idea who sixth keeper Austin Ekeler is. (Then again, this prognosticator kept a DST so who am I to say anything!)

Stallionz need some talent fast and they got it, with Alex Collins (1.4), Chris Carson (2.5), and Rishard Matthews (3.3). All three are starters on their teams and could become productive pieces immediately. Later picks like rookie Tre’Quan Smith (4.3), retread Ryan Grant (6.3), and DJ Chark are shots in the dark but perfect for this team. If Rodgers can return to form, Stallionz could hit on the right pieces and go from the bottom of the cellar to challenging for their first ever division title. Let’s go!

Fockers (7-6, 7-6)
Seven wins got Fockers to a title in 2016 but that same win total dumped them into the Toilet Bowl last season, and then they were upset by a lower seed. Still, this is a contender, and with a keeper core of Le’Veon Bell, Demaryius Thomas, last year’s great RD1 Davante Adams, and Jimmy Graham, Fockers could easily get back into the playoffs. Andrew Luck has to stay healthy though, no questions asked, and without a first or third rounder this year, GM Hong took Ben Roethlisberger (2.8) early, another oft-injured quarterback.

Matt Breida (4.8) could serve as an injury replacement if McKinnon gets dinged up, LeGarrette Blount (5.8) will score touchdowns, and maybe Latavius Murray (8.8) has some grind left. Receivers Mohamed Sanu and Travis Benjamin are low end options but likely useable in a pinch. This team is still dangerous so we’ll see where Hong can take them this year behind some Luck. Oh yeah, Dez Bryant was a keeper. Dez Bryant, who isn’t yet on a NFL team… Didn’t want to keep Devin Funchess or Dion Lewis, or really, anyone else?!?

Squirtle Squad (8-5, 4-9)
The rebuild off a four-win 2017 may already be over! Squirtles catapulted themselves to a playoff spot last season and then promptly upset first seed 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears in the first round! That’s a hell of a season and Squirtles fans are ready to claim their contender status again.

The new keeper core is young young young, and already very productive. Of course Alvin Kamara’s rookie year was the highlight but the return to form of Keenan Allen was a highlight too. Amari Cooper and last year’s first rounder, Corey Davis, are still a little boom-bust, but they are both very talented. Allen Robinson has been very erratic but he could be interesting. And heck, GM Brian was so confident in Jimmy Garoppolo’s future that he traded Tom Brady away for a pittance.

Brian liked the “go young” strategy so much that he went that way again, with rookie Nick Chubb (1.11), Anthony Miller, another rookie Courtlant Sutton (4.11), and some no-names like Ricky Seals-Jones (5.11) and James Conner (6.11) that clearly have upside potential if Squirtles drafted them -- plus Duke Johnson (4.5) acquired from an earlier trade with Mandalorian Warriors. And then with in the last round, Brian draft-and-stashed Hunter Henry, a brilliant move. Welcome back Squirtles to the land of the living!

100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (10-3, 10-3)
It’s been a long four years since Pooh Bears have won their last title. A ninth division title is nice but getting bounced in the first round is not. After yet another year as the best regular season team in Maize and Blue, J and Jayvee are thirsting for more rings. Last year’s campaign even featured the suspension of Ezekiel Elliot and the absence of David Johnson. This year Pooh’s ceiling might be an undefeated season!

Cam Newton and Deshaun Watson are back to lead the charge — although only one can play at a time — and Johnson/Elliot plus Antonio Brown and Mike Evans are clearly the best combination of skill position core in MnB. With seven picks in this year’s first three rounds Pooh Bears should be overstocked with talent.

Rookie DJ Moore (1.8) and Marquise Goodwin (1.9), plus David Njoku (1.16) in the first. Another rookie wide, Antonio Callway (2.16) in the second. And then Kenny Stills, Tyler Lockett, and Corey Clement in RD3, all youngish veterans with potential. Pooh had another seven picks in the draft after those first three rounds, but really, who cares! If this team can’t win another title soon, what justice is there in the world?!